Visions of Poetry

Thursday July 9 2015  HOME AGAIN!

Yeah!  The antibiotics seem like they are working!  Dave had another round of intravenous antibiotics last night that covers the MRSA range.  His leg is responding.  He had another bag of them this evening and then he was discharged.  He must return three days in a row for three more treatments of the intravenous drugs that seem to be working.  I thank God that he is home.  It was never decided for certain that he actually has MRSA because they did not get a wound culture.  But, if the MRSA drugs are working that is all I care about!

I had my first day in my library since I have arrived home.  Now, just so you know that is a big thing to me.  My “normal” routine before I left on my trip was to get up about 5:00 a.m. and go downstairs to my cozy library and study God’s word, pray, listen for his voice to speak to my heart and write for two or three hours.  That has not happened since I returned from my trip.  Actually had no time and I certainly wasn’t getting up at 5:00 a.m. nor going to bed at 9:00 p.m.  I am slowly making the transition back to getting to bed earlier.  However, tonight is a later night as I went back to the hospital to pick Dave up once he found out he was going to be released.  I was glad to do it.

So…tomorrow (if I dare to make plans) is a cooking day.  Today I actually accomplished my first computer return with my photographer’s hat on.  I was able to set into motion the needed work to have one of my orders completed.  It will still take a couple of turnaround times with my lab.  But, I am one step closer to being finished.  Worked most of the day on that.  That and laundry.  My office is close to the laundry room so it made it easy to hear the buzzers go off.

Now, back to tomorrow’s cooking day.  This may not seem like a big deal to most people but because we have a membership to receive food from an organic farm I must make use of the food by cooking it up and freezing it.  I freeze rather than can because I like the food better that way.  It take a lot of time.  I can’t even fit all the food in my fridge.  I had to give some of it away so it wouldn’t spoil. I hope to make two big pots of soup and one zucchini pepper pie.

There is so much I’d like to write but due to the late hour I will finish with the words I felt impressed into my heart from my Lord.  First I wrote a poem to the Lord, then I had the scripture from Romans 8:14 come to mind “THE TRUE CHILDREN OF GOD ARE THOSE WHO LET GOD’S SPIRIT LEAD THEM.”

Then I wrote this prayer as it came to me:

“Lord, I pray that my spirit will become once again attuned to You.  Lead me Lord and call me unto You that I will hear Your voice.  I give You all of me.  Ground me with the fullness of Your love, mercy, and grace.  Forgive me of my lack of time and neglect.  Thank You for Your blessing and protection on my trip.  Thank You!  Thank You!  Lord, release healing in Dave’s body.  Thank You that I am here for him.”

The following are the words I felt the Lord speaking to my heart.

“Just bathe in My presence.  Allow yourself to let go and not be hurried.  You have learned to trust Me but sometimes you still lean on your own resources.  Yes, you are capable of much but I am so much more able to do beyond what you even ask or think.  Give your time to Me without rushing.  Remember, the present is your friend.  And I Am the greatest Friend that walks that present with you.  Even now as you sit here you need to stop and breathe and relax, and just think on Me.

Do not allow yourself to pick up the worry of the future.  Your future is lived in each moment.  Relax and enjoy our time alone.  It is not the time to feel guilty about not working at something; not accomplishing a task.  Ask Me for strength and guidance.  Let my Spirit lead you.  Stop and rest in Me.  Just as My Word proclaims, My true children allows My spirit to lead.  You are My true child.  You are My beloved.  You are the one I love.  Slow down.  We will work on that together.  You may be pleasantly surprised by just how much will be accomplished when you allow your spirit to be led by mine.  You do not have to prove anything to Me.    As a matter of fact, you do not need to prove anything to yourself either.  And, you surely do not need to prove anything to anyone else.  Think on these words for there are great lessons hidden in them.”

THINK ON THESE THINGS

By Kathleen Martens

July 9, 2015

Think on these things

That I place in your heart

In your early hours come

As the day you start.

Look toward My heavens

In quiet time alone,

I am waiting to listen

At my Father’s throne.

And our spirits entwine

And we two become one

Because of the blood

Of my precious Son.

Open the ears of your heart

That my words you hear

And know the day long

I am always near.

Receive my joy

And everlasting peace

And remember my love

Will never cease.

Just rest in me

Without rush or hurry

And all will be well

Without any worry.

For I am the one

Who loves you most

When you abide in me

I am your host.

So come and enjoy

Our time alone

For it is then

When you feel most at home.

The above poem just came to me after I had typed my heart sounds above.  The one I wrote earlier today will stay tucked away in my journal for it was a personal poem to God.

I AM SO THANKFUL THAT DAVE IS HOME AGAIN!

Have a great day tomorrow!

Wednesday July 8 2015   PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW!

So much to be thankful for.  I am so thankful that I am home.  I am so thankful that I was at the house when Dave got so sick.  I thank God that Dave agreed to go to the hospital when I couldn’t even get him to agree to go to urgent care.  I am so thankful I remembered to tell the nurse to look at his legs.  I am so thankful for antibiotics.  I am so thankful for modern medicine and clean surroundings.  I am so thankful for blood tests that can check for diseases.  I am so thankful Dave is being treated for his illness.  I am so thankful that people go to medical school to learn as much as they do to help out in such situations.  I have all of the above to be thankful for and I am so blessed by God.  PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW!

Dave is a doing a little better in how he feels overall but his leg is still very infected, red and swollen.  And it is extremely painful.  It is difficult for him to walk on it.  And…he didn’t get to come home from the hospital today.  His primary hospital physician is concerned that it may be MRSA.  (MRSA IS AN INFECTION THAT IS RESISTANT TO ANTIBIOTICS).  Dave was seen by an infectious disease control specialist today.  He didn’t determine for certain if it is MRSA but they are giving him an antibiotic that has a broader spectrum and may cover some of the MRSA bacterial staph infections.  He was being treated with a new bag hookup to his IV line when I left this evening.  Hopefully this will start the process of reversing the infection in the leg.

Dave was able to talk coherently tonight and hold an actual conversation.  With the severe pain combined with the pain medication he has been sort of fuzzy.  It was good to see him acting and feeling more like himself.  We are praying for a full recovery.  Please pray with us.

I am just about finished with the unpacking of personal items.  That’s a good feeling.  Now I can concentrate on working on photography when I am not needed at the hospital.  I will have a great release of pressure when all my work is signed, sealed, and delivered!  We have several different groups of people coming to visit in the next two months and I want all my work out of the way as soon as possible.

I am back at the gym now.  Yesterday was my first day.  I think today was a little harder than yesterday.  It is tough getting back into a regular routine when nothing “regular” is taking place around me.  I think I forgot what “regular” is.  I know my routine is extremely different but I am working on correcting part of that.  I actually don’t think I want to go back to what was my norm.  I will find a new normal.  With Dave retired now I think our new normal should just evolve without force or manipulation to make it work for the best for both of us.  What worked for me when I was home alone each day working in my home studio and home office, and Dave was working away from home may be not be what will work best now.  I don’t think I would have understood all that had I not been gone all these months.  I am seeing things from a different perspective and from new and different experiences.  It really helped that I visited in homes where couples were retired.  It was interesting and informative listening to all the wisdom and advice and suggestions that each person gave me.  I received so many different ideas and views.  It was also interesting and VERY INFORMATIVE to watch and listen to the couples interact who lived with each other day in and day out.  Very informative indeed.  I loved it.  And then I have my cousin Joyce who is a single lady.  Out of everyplace I visited I think she is enjoying her retirement to the highest degree.  Each of us chooses what brings us the most fulfillment and joy.  I learned that that special joy and fulfillment is different for each place I visited as well as for each separate individual in that home.  It was a beautiful thing to observe.

Right now for me, it will be to finish what I started, close my business down with a good feeling in my heart that I fulfilled all commitments and then walk away into my new “normal”.  Any good advice and wisdom out there?  I still have plenty of room for some “red letter wisdom”.  Just go to Contact Tab and send me an email.

Early night tonight.  It is not quite 8:00 p.m.  Maybe if I start getting ready for bed when I finish this blog and poem I’ll be shut eye by 9:00.

MY NEW NORMAL

By Kathleen Martens

July 8, 2015

Where is the normal I left behind?

Is it even what I want to find?

Do I try to do as before?

Or perhaps seek new doors?

What once was perfect for me to do

No longer entices like the new.

My dream is to continually explore

New ideas I’m searching for.

Untraveled roads loom ahead

Lots to do before I am dead.

People to meet, places to see

And in my thoughts ever free.

My new normal will be as I choose,

Partnered with God, I’ll never lose.

For what I desire to accomplish each day

Is to forever walk in God’s way.

Then my new normal will be God’s plan

For with Him I will forever stand.

His design for me is perfect always

For He is beside me all of my days.

Tuesday July 7 2015 THERE IS ALWAYS TOMORROW…

Words of wisdom sent to me by my cousin in an email:  “…slow down and accomplish what you can each day.  What gets done, gets done.  There is always tomorrow to finish any task”.

I’ll have to think about that for a while.  Good advice however, TO SLOW DOWN!  Living in the moment has helped me to slow down quite a bit but when I hit the pavement when I arrived home all that learning seemed to just fly out the window.  I am so yearning to have all  my professional work finished so I can do exactly that…SLOW DOWN.  But until I finish it I am in the fast mode.  With Dave getting so sick my plans have changed somewhat as I take care of things on the home front plus all the little loose ends of “this and that” which need to be sorted and taken care of.  There are a lot of plans that are in the making and I must work to that end because other people are involved and I have made commitments.

Life is truly an adventure.  Whether traveling on the road or going in circles in your own home town.  Everything takes so much time.  Always more than I anticipate.  So, you see, I still have lessons to learn.

Dave is very sick.  He has a sepsis in his blood and his body is infected.  It causes severe pain in joints and bones and in his legs.  He has hot, red discoloration of the lower extremities which is a cellulitis (inflammation of the cells of the surface and underlying areas of the skin.  This is a side effect of diabetes when the blood sugars are not under control.  The sepsis affects several different parts of the body.  The body starts using its own muscle to fight the infection which cause high lactic acid build up in his system.  He often wretches without results which is very painful.  It is difficult for Dave to walk or even to lie down because of the pain.  He needs all the prayers he can get.  I’ll probably be in Dutch when he reads this.  I’m just reporting the facts!  And there are a lot of facts I’m NOT reporting.  To a writer this is like getting up close and personal headline news.  I do not mean to sensationalize this but this blog is becoming my journal also and I want to document what is going on.

My day consisted of running several errands that could not be put off due to needing to put into motions certain things that had to happen so results would be done by a certain date.  Accomplished everything that was on My Monday’s list.  Still one or two more other things that have cropped up since then.  We are transferring to Medicare on August 1, 2015 and lots of situations must be put into motion, called about, signed off, etc…  With me being gone some things had to wait until I returned to be accomplished and now we are down to the wire.

I went by to see Dave at the hospital but he was feeling too sick to really visit so I only stayed about 1 hour.  Home now and hopefully early to bed.  I had a rough night last night.  I slept like a baby in every bed I stayed in while on my trip but last night my sleep evaded me.  And now I am sleepy and it is only 8:18 p.m.  I’m still not totally unpacked and put away.  Just thought I’d throw that in.

Dave has two large tables set up in the formal dining room strewn with papers that he is organizing.  He thought He would be finished by tonight.  Now they sit abandoned and silent and look rather forlorn.  It is a different house without his presence.  I know he is coming home.  He may have a long road to travel to get where he wants to get but I know he can do it.  We live one day at a time.  As I’ve said before, each day is full of decisions and choices.  The choice we make today will affect our tomorrow, out next week and ultimately our whole life.  Think about your choices today.

I think this is an excellent place to write the wisdom I heard today.  I met a super young man today who helped me with the IPhone at AT&T store in Madison.  He was young, intelligent, extremely educated in the workings of the IPhone and helped me with a problem I had with mine.  As we spoke to each other I could see his joy and excitement for life.  I asked him what his wisdom would be to the world.  The following are his exact words (I’m getting the knack of recording verbatim and type it as such.  His wisdom fits in with the above paragraph.  Listen closely to Linelle’s words.  Thanks Linelle for sharing your wisdom with me.

Lilnellle’s wisdom:  “So my piece of wisdom to my younger self would be to not worry about the small things, and just keep going.  That’s the biggest focus, just keep going.  Things change over time, views change, perspectives change.  In the grand scheme of things if you keep going you’ll get to somewhere brighter.”

And that is my hope for today, that Dave and I will keep on going and “get to somewhere brighter”!

JUST KEEP GOING

By Kathleen Martens

July 7 2015

Sometimes it seems we worry

About all the small little things,

Frustration seems to rear its head

Unhappiness it brings.

I tell myself not to fret

For there is too much of life to live,

Fretting creates worry debt

And has nothing at all to give.

Instead of being in a bog

Just keep on and keep on going,

And before you know it

Your heart will be glowing.

Over time things will change,

And views also will

Give yourself a full range

In a place to be silent and still

There truly is a grand scheme,

Allow your load to be lighter.

If you just keep on going

You will get somewhere brighter.

Thank you Linelle for the inspiration to write this poem.

INSPIRATION:  BREATHING NEW LIFE INTO ANOTHER PERSON!

One last thing to remember. “If you want to accomplish something, start today.  We are not promised tomorrow!  When tomorrow no longer comes for us we may not finish what we started but we’ll have had fun accomplishing what we did get done.” (Kathleen’s wisdom)

Monday July 6, 2015  BEST LAID PLANS OF MICE AND MEN

Just when you think you have everything planned…

More of that later.  Up early, Dave at 5:00, me at 7:30.  I’m getting used to the time change (excuse?).  Or maybe it’s the late nights up writing my blog.  I’m only up late because I’m not doing it in the morning like I used to.  Well, let’s put it this way, I’m not on my “regular” schedule just yet.  It’s coming.  First I must finish all the unpacking and organizing (which is taking way too long).  The next is reclaiming my mornings and the last is to get to bed early.

I promised myself this morning I would be in bed early tonight.  Well it is almost 10:30 and I am just having my dinner (2^nd dinner) and typing my blog.  Ate a salad I made for lunch which did not get eaten and a cup of stewed greens.  YUM!  Had everything organized last night so I could just step right into my list from a few days ago that I wrote on the blog.  Had all the phone numbers in order, called a lot of the places, made excellent headway and was going to eat lunch and then leave to do all my errands when my day had a bit of about face.  My plans were laid, I was organized, I had planned everything down to the “T”.  And then…

Well, I just arrived home from visiting Dave at the hospital!  That was not in my plans.  Nor was his getting sick.  Dave went out to breakfast with his men friends, which he does each  Monday morning.  He felt fine, acted fine and them whammy!  He told me he was cold and shivering, then his stomach hurt, then he started shaking from the cold, then he needed a throw-up bag, then he went to bed and then he was in excruciating pain with his lower back.  We had him accessed over the phone with instructions to get him to emergency room. This all took about two hours from first chills to hospital.  Had I left earlier I would not have been here to take him to the hospital.  I have never seen Dave quite so sick.  He is the type of man who never complains, plays everything down and keeps very quiet when it comes to his pain or discomfort.  For him to agree to go to the hospital told me all I needed to know.  I knew to take him seriously.  Just an hour before he wouldn’t even agree to just go to urgent care to be looked up.  The pain level was a 10.

Sunday night Dave looked very flushed and his face was broken out.  I could tell something was not quite right even then.  But there was no complaint so I left well enough alone.  I think it was already brewing even before that.  At E.R. he had a high fever, the chills were somewhat better but the pain was intolerable.  He was made comfortable with drugs, calmed down considerably and the shivers stopped.  Lots of test were started with blood work.  He had an infection but the source was unknown.  When he arrived at the hospital he was disrobed from the waist up.  Nothing could be found.  A while later when a nurse was in the room and the doctors had already gone to the next patient.  I happened to think about something I saw on his lower leg the night I arrived home.  His leg looked swollen and very red and tender.  I told the nurse that no one had looked at his legs and I thought Dave should undress so that his legs could be examined.  After seeing his legs the nurse called the doctors back in.  One of the doctor came in, touched Dave’s leg and felt the heat coming from the red area and said he was being admitted as an inpatient, which means at least two nights in the hospital and would be reassessed at that time.  The doctor felt that the redness and swelling was the source of the blood infection.  So, that is where Dave is and has already been told he will likely be there at least one more night.  After that time passes and He has a lot of antibiotics pumped into him they will reassess the situation.  This kind of infection can do a lot of damage real quick.  His blood sugar was also way out of whack.  WELCOME TO HIS FIRST DAY OF RETIREMENT!  His diagnosis at this time is cellulitis.

For those of you who believe in prayer I ask that you will pray for his recovery to be without complications.

I came home in the afternoon and accomplished a couple of time sensitive situations that Dave wanted me to take care of, packed a bag for Dave and then headed back to the hospital.  Stayed there until after dark and when I left it was pouring down rain.  Hard to see all the way home but I made it.  Hey, if I could travel 11,024 miles all by myself across country I could defeat a torrential rain storm in the dark!  Again, reality struck.  I walked into this big house with all these empty rooms and no husband waiting for me.  I wondered if this was how Dave felt when he came home to this house every night for 4 months?  It made me feel guilty.  Dave made certain to never make me feel guilty for going on this trip but I must admit I did a good number on myself, of doing just that, when I came home both times from the hospital.  I guess I am still learning from this journey.  Maybe I will never quit learning from it.

Dave is 6 miles away at St. Mary’s Hospital.  I feel as if he is a million miles away.  I do not like it when he suffers and it makes me feel sad to know he never complains and often suffers in silence.  I have never known anyone like my husband.  He is so selfless and always puts me and others first.  He will sacrifice for others, he will bear pain without complaint to do something for someone else and he never ever steps into the limelight.  He is one of the most intelligent men I know and never has a need to put it on display.  He is amazing with facts and figures and trivia regardless the topic.  Personality wise Dave and I are polar opposites.  Clothes wise; polar opposites.  Food wise, you got it, polar opposites.  Yet, our hearts are connected with a thread so strong and so tight that we are bound together for life.  And I want him around for a lot more years.  God shined down on me the day I met Dave.  And if you read the story in my blog how we met you will remember that God put a love in my heart for him before I even met him or knew his name.  Go to UNCATEGORIZED and read DAY 111.  I accidently did not put it into the Travel Log.  You can look it up and read how Dave and I met and the “rest of the story”.

I am believing in God’s healing and restorative power.  Put that together with intentional thinking and combine it with what Dave said last night, I think Dave has a bright future!

AND TURNS THEM TO GOLD

By Kathleen Martens

July 6, 2015

When the road gets a bit rough and weary

It does not mean we must be dreary.

But rather give thanks in the situation

For there is no hope in obliteration.

God takes the trials and turns them to gold,

Whatever the difficulty we must be bold.

For God has a way of taking our pain

And turning the outcome into one of gain.

We trust Him when the times are right,

We must trust Him in the darkest night.

When we reach out our hand He is there,

Holding us tight because He always cares.

God is our fortress through all our trials,

He walks beside us mile after mile.

He never tires and He never sleeps

And all His promises He always keeps.

He has promised to love me and light my path,

He showers me with joy and not with wrath.

Whether on the mountain top or in the valley

His strength is the source of my rally.

When I fall down He picks me up

And His word is a banquet where I can sup.

He is with me through every sorrow

And I know, He’s in all my tomorrows.

Through all sickness and even unto death

His spirit is my eternal breath.

So I will thank Him IN ALL THINGS

And give Him all praise for the joy He brings.

Thank you to those of you who have asked me to continue blogging.  I may do so as I find it easy to compose a poem even on the keyboard.  I always thought I could only do it with deep concentration with a pen in hand.  It is actually quite easy writing on the computer because I can type my words so much quicker than I can write them out long hand.  I may also start writing in the mornings again as I like getting up about 4:30 or 5:00 a.m.  To rise so early I must be disciplined with my bedtime.  I’m going to work toward that.  You may invite your friends to read this blog but be certain and tell them that the address must be typed into the URL box because it is not a public forum and will not pop up when googled.  I purposely did that so the information I write is not for the entire public to hear.  I don’t mind if it is passed around to friends and their friends.  It is a little easier to control that way.

It is now 11:57 and I have a makeover day to do tomorrow.  So many more things I wish I had time to share on this blog/journal/ diary of sorts.  I just hope I remember it all.

Thanks for listening to my heart tonight.

Sunday Sabbath July 5, 2015  THIS IS THE DAY THAT THE LORD HAS MADE!

I LOVE SUNDAY SABBATH.  I have chosen to honor God on this day.  To keep it holy.  To rest and be restored in body, mind, and spirit.  Sunday Sabbath is set aside as an oasis in busy world.  It is as if God is giving me a gift with permission to use it.  “Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy”. Exodus 20:8

I believe keeping the Sabbath Holy is to refrain from working your regular work.  A time of rest for mind and body, from that which taxes your mental capacity all week or your physical body.  To refrain from doing the toil of your everyday life.  A time to reflect and think on God.  To serve Him with your worship and praise and fellowship as a community with other believers.  This is my concept of keeping the Sabbath Holy.  I know that it is necessary for some people to work on calendar Sunday but Sabbath can be honored on another day.  A day set aside when you are not required to report to duty.  A time to think on God and do something you enjoy doing that will give you a reprieve from that which is your regular toil.  Try it.  Take time out to rest in the presence of God, to do something that refreshes your heart and soul and give yourself permission to use the gift that God has actually given to us as a commandment.  How awesome it is that God purposely tells us to rest from our work.  Not only do we have permission to have a Sabbath rest once a week, I also enjoy taking “little Sabbaths” each and every day.  I stop and just turn off the world and have a conversation with the Lord and just rest in his presence and wait to hear the words He has for me.  If I wait, He always has words that he speaks into my spontaneous thoughts.  I listen and then I write when the words start coming.

God is a good God.  His words are always full of love and exhortation.  He builds me up, never tears me down.  He fills me with loving thoughts, never negative ones.  I just wait and listen and ours spirits experience an intimate relationship.  Did you know that the Lord can and wants to impress His thoughts into yours.  The more we do this, the more we have the mind of Christ.  The more we become like the one we follow.  I love this Sabbath time with the Lord daily.  While on my trip I often did not have pen in hand when I spoke with my God.  I was in the car a lot with all his majesty and glory surrounding me in the mountains, and rocks, and valleys, and oceans, and lakes, and wildlife.  I glorified Him in my thoughts and in my heart for all He created and continues to create.  Sometimes when I look at something he has made like a rainbow I just know He put it there just for me!  There are so many things I just see that no one else in the entire world will ever see.  It is but a glimpse, come and gone, and I am the only one there to see it.  These are the little gifts and jewels He sprinkles into my day.  So…as I drove I did not do much writing but He put beautiful thoughts of love and encouragement into my heart and I cherished them.

Usually when I write I write everything out longhand.  I love the feel of a pen in hand, my journal on my lap and the peace and comfort of my surroundings as I lean into the Lord (figuratively speaking) and listen for what He speaks.  I am alone.  I am quite.  I am silenced from the world around me and I start worshiping and thanking God for His love and wonder and majesty.  I visualize Him and think of Him as the person He was walking on this earth, I think about Him sitting at the right hand of God, and I visualize all the praise taking place around Him in eternity.  And this same Lord, through His Holy Spirit, lives within me.  How awesome is that.  I was created in the likeness of God that our spirits would dwell together.  And I sit and listen.  Sometimes I ask questions.  Sometimes I put on instrumental music by David Hollandsworth and it just seems to reach to the heavens.  And I “hear” God speak to me.  It is more of an impression of thoughts or images that come flooding out of my pen onto the paper and I just write down all that flows from me during those few moments.  And later I read it.  To me it is beautiful.  No beautiful writing, but beautiful words that touch my heart, that give me strength and encouragement and sometimes chastisement and directions of what I should do.  Given in love which gives me positive awareness of which path I should follow.  And I ask now:  “Lord what words do You have for me this night”?

Here are the words I have felt impressed to write from the spontaneous thoughts coming into my heart.

You are My beloved child whom I have chosen.  I have chosen you to love others and be My light to a dark world.  I have chosen you to smile and let My smile shine from your countenance.  Your journey is not over but just beginning.  I have promised to bring those to you that need my touch, those who need their eyes open to see the truth of who I am.  I am blessing you that you will bless others in my name that they would feel My touch, and desire a relationship with Me.  Just be yourself.  Be who I created you to be.  Though some will try to tear you down, always know that My strength is sufficient for you.  You can do all things through Me for it is my strength that lives within you.  Forgive others as I have forgiven you.  .”…clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.  Put love over all these because it will bind them all together in perfect unity…  (Colossians 3:  12-14 paraphrased) and lives will be changed.  Go and rest in Me and I will restore your strength.  You are my beloved whom I love.

And the above is the first time I have sat at a computer and asked God to give me the words He wants me to hear this night.  I have journals filled with God’s loving words to me.  If these words touch your life in some way then I am honored to share them with you.  Some may raise their eyebrows with skepticism and that is okay too.  But you’ll never know until you enter into a relationship with the Lord and ask Him for yourself what words He has for you.  The more you ask to hear God speak, the easier it becomes to hear His voice and recognize it.  If you desire Him to speak in your life, read the scripture for it is through His scripture that He speaks to us.

I had no idea this was going to be my blogging this night.  I just assumed I would share my Sabbath day with you.  Well, here it is in a nutshell.  Sunday morning service at 8:30 a.m., a wonderful time of quick exchanges with friends I haven’t seen for four months, an even more amazing worship service and then a sermon about becoming a community of God.  More visiting afterward and then Dave and I hightailed it to Costco to rejoin after our card had elapsed on Feb 28^th, just when I was scheduled to leave.  It was nice we waited because they gave us a $10 gift certificate for rejoining (which we were going to do anyway).  Shopped at Costco, then went to grocery store for toothpaste, came home and I prepared dinner (midday meal) while Dave deboned the chicken.  After dinner I called my cousin Joyce and I talked her ear off.  Then I rested, fighting sleep (I don’t like to take naps) so I got up and continued unpacking.  I know this unpacking talk sounds like a lot but let me tell you, it is taking me longer to unpack than it did to pack.  It is taking time to reorganize my closets (yes closet with an “S”).  When I left it was snowing.  I have returned in my Rip Van Winkle state to summer in the 80’s.  I must change my winter closet into a summer closet, which means swapping my clothes from one room to another.  We must actually have two very separate wardrobes to accommodate our extreme temperatures.  So that is part of my reorganizing.  Dave went back to church to hear Pastor speak on “Let’s talk about Israel”.  I decided to stay home and finish my Sabbath by writing my blog to you and now it is already later than I hoped.  The alarm is set for 5:00 a.m. in the morning.  Reality is knocking.

Davie is in the other room and it was so quiet I asked him if he was in there.  He said yes.  I asked him if he was sleeping.  He said no he was thinking.  I asked him what about.  He said oh just this and that.  I asked him if he had any wisdom for me tonight.  Here is Dave’s quick response.

Dave’s wisdom:  “If you don’t like your present circumstances do something about it”.

I asked him where that came from.  He said “My brain”.  Then he continued with…I’ve found if you stop and think on things long enough it seems things seem to fall into place.

Hmm…now that got me to thinking! Just what is taking so long to fall into place?  I didn’t ask any more questions.  Every man is entitled to his own personal thoughts.  I do like that it sounds like things are falling into place…  I sure do love my husband!

Tomorrow is a busy scheduled day to tie up a lot of loose ends before I open my Big MAC and put on my creative hat.  I hope my brain isn’t rusty.  I’ll just ask God to help me because He is always there for me.

I don’t know how many of you are still following my blog.  Let me know if you would like me to continue and then again, maybe I will just continue anyway.  I’ll have to see how my life settles in.

SUNDAY SABBATH

By Kathleen Martens

July 5, 2015

Oh how busy life can be

Time for me is never free.

But one day finally comes

Set aside for God’ Son.

Sunday Sabbath worship time

Ah a day oh so fine.

To be with God all day long

As over me He sings His song.

And I sing in repose

The most tranquil time I know

Honor and worship to my King

Joy and peace is what He brings.

I love this time with my Lord

And my hours I secretly hoard

That to Him I freely give

All my life for Him I live.

Good night.  Sweet Dreams

I arrived home BEFORE Dave retired.  Tomorrow is his last day of work.  Not only did I arrive home for that occasion but I actually accomplished what I set out to do.  I wanted to see so many people and I saw many of them,  I didn’t have a chance to see everyone I would have liked to but I still feel very fortunate to have been able to reconnect so many as I discussed in yesterday’s blog,

Well, someone was the first to call me to find out my mystery of “doing a first” and she got the story.  She couldn’t stop laughing (at my expense!).  I was laughing too!  I did another first again today.  It may be a good thing this trip is over because no telling how many “FIRSTS” I could get myself into.  Some of the things I only did once:  Lost my check book  (I didn’t do it again).  I didn’t do it again because I am still not signed onto our account because of being out of state when I lost the checks.  Oops!

I lost my keys once and after that I kept my keys in a very certain place when not engaged in using them.  That is, until I got home.  I went down to change of load of clothes and there were my keys on the washing machine.  I’m sure glad I saw them and put them into my purse.  I leave early in the morning to take my car into the dealership to be detailed cleaned.  I love it when my car comes back absolutely like brand new.

I only took one person’s key with me when left her house and it is still on my key ring.  I remembered that out when I tried to open my door with it.

One thing I did do more than just “a first” was get lost.  I was “lost” a lot but I just made it into an adventure and then purposely got lost more.  Of course I had my Garmond with me the second half of the trip so I was never really lost.  When I got majorly lost, like take a wrong freeway from the the six freeways that were splitting up and I had to go off to the left but to be sure and be in the right third lane so I could make a quick right curve and then get in the center lane so I would be going to Fort Worth instead of to Dallas, now that was really getting lost.  It was amazing how many re-dos I would have to re-do to get undone.  But…I never lost my temper with myself and always found myself before I ended up “lost as a goose”.  Being “lost as a goose” is one thing I always remember my mother telling me she was.  I NEVER want to be lost as a goose because them someone has to come and find  you.  When my mother  was lost as a goose in the downtown L.A. area one time when she was driving down to see Dave and I in Orange County, Dave’s father had to drive all the way out to where she was lost and then have her follow him home.

I only left my clothes at someone’s house as a first.  I never did that again.  Thankfully, Cynthia mailed my package of clothes to me.  And wouldn’t you know it, I actually went back by to see her on my return trip.  I could have picked them up!

Well, maybe I’ll tell you the whole story about  my first time of losing my phone.  No time now but I’ll do a followup blog when I have all my contemplating over about my trip.  I will, however, tell  you about a first I did today.  I stayed at a very nice airbnb last night.  Everything was fastidiously clean and neat.  I don’t think I could live quite that neat if my life depended upon it.  Well, by the time I finished with it, it wasn’t quite as perfect as before.  I went to bed at 3:00 a.m.  There was a ceiling fan and I love sleeping with a ceiling fan blowing a breeze on me.  This fan had a little rebellious spirit for living in such a neat house so it decided to be a clutter to my ears.  There is a little chain that hangs from it to turn the lights on or off.  As the fan blades make their rotation a slight jiggle takes place and that little chain jumped at each rotation and went click, click, click and so on and so on…  I don’t mind clutter around me but I don’t like clutter in my ears.  So I decided at 3:00 in the morning to stop that little bugger from jumping and clanging and clicking.  I looked for something I could tie around it.  Nothing.  I had one pair of dirty smelly socks I had worn for two days so I decided against that.  I didn’t want to add any aromas flying around cluttering my nostrils.  Ah…I thought.  I found a pair of clean underpants that would work.  (The operative word is clean).  So I tied them in a knot, slipped the chain end through and my problem was solved.  No more sound.  I drifted off to a restful but short sleep thinking to myself to remember and get those panties in the morning.

About 2:00 p.m. this afternoon while I was in Iowa I happened to think about the fan and wondered if I had turned it off.  Then my eyes opened real wide and I remembered what I had left there…my under drawers tied in a know around that little gold chain where another guest would be coming and looking up at that fan.  Would the man see them up there.  I hoped he would but I hoped he wouldn’t.  I couldn’t believe I did that.  About that time my son Courtland calls and I tell him what happened.  He said don’t worry about it, just call him and tell him you left your granny panties hanging on his fan and make sure and let him know they are clean.  So I did just that.  Mr. Don was laughing about as hard as I was trying not to.  He said he was going to tell everyone about that but in order to protect the innocent he wouldn’t use my name.  I told him I was going to write about it in my blog and I was going to tell everybody his name!    Like I’ve said before, every day I am learning.  What I learned today is to not use my underwear to buffer the sound of of a clicking chain.  They are too expensive.  Those unders cost me $9.00 a pair!  Next time I’ll use my dirty sock.  I get my toe socks on sale at Walmart after Christmas for half price and they are only $150 a pair!  Actually, we both had a good laugh over that.  He was thankful that I had given him the heads-up on my dilemma. He said He would find something else that would quiet the fan chain.  Thanks Mr. Don for not making me feel bad.  It was a pleasure staying at your Campbell House Airbnb in Lincoln Nebraska.  If you’ve never used this service go online to Airbnb.com and see what kind of travel deals you can get all over the world.  Way below hotel costs and a lot more fun.

I now have about a week’s worth of work getting everything back in shape in regards to all the STUFF I had in my car.  Because Dave is so allergic to cat and dog dander I am washing everything item of clothing, towel, blanket, etc that traveled with me.  I’m on my fourth load of laundry and have several more to go.  At least my favorite pant (because they still fit) are washed and ready to go when I get up in the morning.  I am taking my car to my dealership to have it detailed in the morning.  It will be there at least four hours and maybe longer.  I suspect “the longer” when they see just how embedded it is with bug death on it.  It is quite gross.  Both inside and out.  I have to leave here at 8:30 a.m. and then I will have a shuttle return me home and pick me up.

When I drove into Wisconsin it was like night and day from the rest of the country.  Remember how I commented about all the dry and dying trees in Yosemite and other parks I visited.  So much brown, and dust, and dying grasses made me sad for our earth and especially for our country.  I saw half empty lakes and dried up river beds.  I saw mountains that usually have snowcap all year but the snow is already gone.  And the rivers are dropping.  Even the Columbia River Gorge that flows as a border between Southern Washington and Northern Oregon has a lot less water than normal.  And I drove up from a somewhat dry area, but not as dry as the deserts and the south area and Wisconsin is like an unreal oasis of green.  So many different colors of green all in one photo snap.  The light green  of new crops pushing through soil,dark rich greens of crops  of opening leaves and nutrients going to work wonders.  I wish I could describe in true detail how fulfilling it was for me to see the sea of green before me.  I wish a camera would do justice to what my eyes see.

SINCE I AM SLEEPY

by Kathleen Martens

July 2, 2015

Since I’m so sleepy

I shall lay down my head

Before it falls off me

For then I’d be dead.

And I have requests

That my head must do

For it always tells me

How to tie my shoe.

And it’s just so much smarter

Than my hands or feet,

For it knows when I’m hungry

And tells me to eat!

So I shall go sleep

But my fan chain is quiet

Having panties in the air

Is not tonight’s riot.

Goodnight one and all

Go rest and be still

Let your brain think on God

And with peace you will fill.

I do want to tell you what it felt like driving into a green paradise.  The Wisconsin terrain is very hilly and graceful with curves and gentle sloping sides.  Hill after hill was either growing crops or had just been mowed and waiting for harvest.  Graceful lines of smiles were cut into the soil as row planting was done like stair steps.  I wish I could have stopped and taken photos.  The sunlight was coming at an angle and creating beautiful bright hills full of the promise of autumn’s bounty.  But it was the green that caught my eyes.  Every color of green you can imagine.  Huge fields of the lightest shade of new plant growth, silver greens, forest greens, apple greens and blue greens could be seen all in one eye view. And the smell!!! I rolled down my window to a brisk 67 degree temp which was so refreshing, having come from a 97 degree day in Nebraska the day before.  Fresh mowed grass along both sides of the road mingled with all the sensory pleasure to create a full picture.  I just breathed and breathed it in as my eyes soaked in the visual pleasure.  And was there a place to pull over and snap a photo?  NO, OF COURSE NOT.  As I drove the five miles from the highway to where I live I did have the luxury of stopping and taking some local photos right around where I live and travel.  I tried to download some but only my tree (not really one I own but one I love around the corner from where I live) did get uploaded onto the blog.  Be sure and look at it.  To give you a perspective of how big the trunk of that old oak tree is, it takes 4 of my arm spans to circle around its girth.  I have literally taken about one thousand photos of that tree in every season, every time of day, every light, and from every angle.  Panoramas to up close and personal.

I just noticed a couple of other photos finally showed up on my blog below.  They are both right here close to where I live.  I pass by these places on my way to where I buy food.  We have no retail close by us but what I see when I drive to and fro sure is pretty and relaxing, even in winter.  After driving in all the cities I have have just come from it makes Wisconsin my #1 Favorite place to live.  I wouldn’t mind staying a part of each year in different states but I will always come home to Wisconsin.   I have some other favorite states picked out but will share those later too.

Good night by beloved friends and family (and new friends as well)!

Kathleen

Tuesday June 30, 2015  DAY 118 THE CHOICES WE MAKE

Our lives are the sum total of the choices we make.

So where do I begin.  Or perhaps I should say, where do I end?  I had planned to take a lot of time just tonight reflecting on my trip but plans have a way of changing.  I was once told by a friend, “If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans”.  That is pretty much how this entire trip has gone.  I make the plans and God takes me where He wants me to go and brings tome the people He wants me to meet.  And so it was tonight.  A good plan change, especially when God is in it.

I was up by 5:30 a.m. this morning and on the road by 7:30 a.m.  Traveling home.  I have never felt like I was traveling away from home but for the first time today I actually realized I was traveling toward home!  My entire trip has always felt like I was on my way home but now I realized I really am going to be home.  Tomorrow.  How did that happen so quickly?  After all, there is still so much to do.  These past four months have been an absolutely amazing gift to me.  A gift first from God because I believe He put the desire in my heart to make this journey and retrace my life, stopping to see all I could fit into the schedule, seeing people I haven’t seen for years who are growing old as I grow older, friends from my childhood when we were both still in diapers.  A friend of my heart who has been my friend since we were six years old, friends from high school, friends from my adolescence from church, my closest friend that I met when I was in college, my spiritual mentor when I was a young mother, my children’s day care provider who gave me peace of mind to work when my babies were young, the beloved lady who found Rebecca for us so we could adopt her, my daughter’s mother’s mother and her father’s father, my aunts,  my uncle, my cousins, my sisters, nieces and nephews and grandnieces and a new step grandnephew, and all the people I met along the way that I call “divine meetings”.  Divine meetings are the people I believe God intended me to meet for some purpose, for some reason.  And even today that happened.  Remember the one named James who knocked on my door when I wasn’t going to go anyplace that day?  If I wasn’t going out God would bring them to me.  Well today was another happenstance such as that.  I never know when these meetings will happen and sometimes when they are happening I don’t realize it until the meeting is ending.

I traveled from 7:30 a.m. until 3:00 p.m. when I arrived at the Capitol in Lincoln Nebraska.  I prayed for a close parking spot and God took to the very one that was just opening for me.  I stopped (on a very main thoroughfare, waited a second and a car pulled out exactly as if I knew she was going to pull out, left the empty space and with my little Grey Fox I was able to front drive right into the space and park it perfectly on the first try.  It was smack, dab in front of the Capitol building.  Two hour parking from 3:00 to 5:00 p.m..  No meter!  There were only three such spots on the street for public parking.  I was there 5 minutes before the next tour began.  Well, when I got inside I asked for the time and found out it wasn’t just the next tour at 3:00, it was actually the LAST TOUR at 4:00.  I had forgotten that there would be a time change.  I barely made it.  It was so worth it.  I have never seen a capitol such as this one.  I think I shall explain it at a later date if the opportunity arises n order to save time tonight.  But I will say that I again was allowed to go to the top of the capitol and take photos from a bird’s eye view.  I included a picture of the building, which I could get all in the frame, even when I tilted the camera, and one from the tower of a church and my car parked in front of the capitol.  The building inside is unique, creative, very symbolic and made me fall in love with Nebraska because of all the symbolism and plans that when in to designing something for the people of that state.  The building is an amazing gift to the citizens of Nebraska.  I hope they realize what their state stands for.

After the tour I came directly to my last night’s stay on the road, an Airbnb residence.  I have not stayed in one hotel room on my entire strip.  My Airbnb nights were from $40 a night to one that was a last minute booking and nothing else was available that cost $100 and it was ocean front property. The rest were about $50 or $60 per night and some were absolutely luxurious.  Hopefully I will never need to stay in a hotel again with the ease of booking with Airbnb.com.  You must have a background check, so if you are ever interested in using this service you would need to plan ahead so you have time for the background check before you leave on a trip.  Tonight I have an entire house minus one bedroom that is being rented out.  The other guest also has use of the house except for my room.  I am sitting and a lovely kitchen dining room table, comfortable in my surroundings, and feel very much at home.

I met the Airbnb host, Don, at the house and he helped carry my luggage upstairs, clean up a mess of spilled water in my car, showed me around the premise and where things were.  He was polite and delightful to talk to.  I am in a beautiful neighborhood with my car tucked in the driveway off the street and three dogs who live in a house built for a dog in the garage, air conditioning, couch, and accessibility to the back yard who will bark if anyone comes on the premise.  What more could I ask for?  Oh yes, free WIFI, a refrigerator stocked with boxes of drinks, cans of seltzer waters, water and several other things.  I don’t know if the other things belong to the other guest or if there is always milk and condiments and vegetable juice and butter available.  There is even food in the freezer but I didn’t feel like cooking a turkey tonight.  I did eat a popsicle, at least a little bit of it.  Hope they were for the offering, I can’t remember what he told me about those.  Oh well, it’s gone now, melted on my plate.  Thank you Don for the Popsicle if it was meant for me, and thank you even if it wasn’t.  But…my husband will be happy to know I DID NOT HAVE EVEN ONE PIECE OF CHOCOLATE and there is a big jar of all my old favorites.  It has been several years now that I haven’t been able to eat chocolate because of the caffeine, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want too.  However, because of the seriousness of eating it, I have promised Dave that I will not eat it.  It causes me to go into serious Atrial Fibrillation and he has had to witness my being defibrillated too many times.

As you can see by my description above I have a comfortable place to stay.  And the best part I even had great company for a while this evening.  Don and I started talking and he stayed later that I expected he would or that he expected he would.  He asked for my blog and pulled it up for him, ended up reading last nights because I felt like it might be something he would enjoy.  After I read it Don said he felt as if he was listening in a dream.  He had just mentioned to a friend the very things I discussed in my blog and he felt like this was confirmation that he was supposed to hear what I wrote and that it would make a difference in his life with some decisions he needs to make.  When I write, I think I am writing for my pleasure and over and over I find that God is using the words to help others in ways I never thought of.  God direct me to write, the day before I meet Don, and Don tells his friend this morning the situation about wanting to make some changes in his life, and then I read to him what it is he just discussed with statements that give him pause to think of what it is he should be doing.  Who knew but God, that our lives would be coming together today for this short meeting and have that transpire.

We serve a mighty God!  He never ceases to amaze me.  His protection, His love, His guidance, putting words in my heart to write, bringing the right person along that feels those words are for them personally is way more than just chance or happenstance.  I asked Don for his wisdom.  He said that this is something that he heard once.

Don’s wisdom: “Our lives are the sum total of the choices we make.”

Oh my goodness!  I so agree.  It goes along with the talk I did at church before I left about intentionally thinking about what we do and the outcome it will have on our lives tomorrow, next week, and next year.  Everything we do has consequences, intended or unintended.  What choice we make from thinking intentionally will create the sum total of who we are.  Think about the fact that we, you and I , do have choices.  Make choices, don’t just go through life and “let” things happen.  Become the sum total of being the best you, you can be.  There is no one else who can be a better “YOU” than you.  Make the choices that will give you the sum total of who you want to be, one choice at a time, one day at a time.  Remember they will all accumulate to create the sum total of who you are.  Thank you Don for sharing that wisdom with me today.  It was a pleasure to meet you.

Now, back to my trip.  This is my last night on the road.  Tomorrow is a new beginning.  Both for Dave and I.  His life as he has known it for the last 50 years will change.  He has worked for 50 years.  He worked his way through college and worked all our married life.  For me it will be different because I will have a man under foot full time for the first time in 42 years!  SMILE!  I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT! And there is no other man I would want under foot more than the man I married.  God shined down on me that day!  I too will be retired (actually as of December 31, 2014) once I finish post production on two weddings from last summer and fall, one senior portrait’s art work, and one newborn session.  About two months more of work, then the sale of my equipment, teardown of the studio, and emptying everything out!  There is always one more thing to do.  And I am so looking forward to getting it done.

But before I go to what I have on my calendar to do, I want to say I am not finished with the summation of my trip.  I just need more time to contemplate.  Don helped me tremendously to do just that.  I don’t think he even realized it.  He was the first person to actually take my phone in hand and look at every picture.  I sat beside him at the kitchen table and told him some of the stories and looking at the pictures and telling the stories brought them all back to me, made them come alive in my heart again.  I have lived these four months in total connection of the moment I was living in.  No thought about what had transpired and no worry about what was to come.  I did have to do some midterm scheduling a places to stay but other than that I lived in the moment.  As most of you know, I didn’t even have a minute to make phone calls because I was always so engaged in whatever I was doing, with whomever I was with.  Every moment of most of my days were extremely busy and full with people and places and activities.  Hopefully I will be able to reconnect by phone and in true life.  I look forward to seeing everyone again.

Thank you for your prayers and your comments on my emails and texts.  It has been an unbelievable four months. I am now ready for the rest of my life.

One last detail.  As many of you know my trip was postponed at the beginning due to my diagnosis of two breast lumps.  I must have surgery when I return home and it is scheduled for July 27^th.  I will be going in for surgery for a partial mastectomy with the possibility of a complete mastectomy depending upon the outcome of the mass on my chest wall being removed easily or not.  I have not had one day of stress, worry, or fear about this situation.  It shows no cancer but because it is a return of a previous mass it must come out.  It is also quite painful.  I have not lost any sleep over it and I have not really even thought much about it until now when the reality of it coming up has surfaced in my thoughts.  Well, I just wanted you all to know so that you could continue to pray for me, and know why you may not see me again for a period of time while I recover.

I plan to write a closure to my trip (was going to do that tonight) and will do it either tomorrow night or in the next few days.  If you are interested in reading it just check back.  I also plan to reorganize all that is in the blog and put it where it belongs.  Then, my next step it to include more poetry, both from past writings and from current and future writings.

I know I have asked for lots of wisdom from friends, family, and strangers.  I was going through some previous poetry I wrote and found one about wisdom.  I will share it with you tonight.  Remember that today is the day when you should make a choice that will take you one step closer to where you want to be.  And the most important decision you will ever make is to be sure and partner with God and let God direct  you as to what choices you make.

WISDOM IS THE TOOL

By Kathleen Martens

January 23, 2013

So much truth

You Give Lord

That we should

Seek to find.

Your Instruction…

As love from a Father.

Your Knowledge…

That which we learn.

Your Understanding…

So to comprehend.

And that which results

In use of knowledge, instruction, and understanding

Is Wisdom

The beautiful tool

That allows us

To use the knowledge, instruction and understanding

Which you have provided

In Your Living Word.

So where do I begin.  Or perhaps I should say, where do I end?  I had planned to take a lot of time just tonight reflecting on my trip but plans have a way of changing.  I was once told by a friend, “If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans”.  That is pretty much how this entire trip has gone.  I make the plans and God takes me where He wants me to go and brings to me the people He wants me to meet.  And so it was tonight.  A good plan change, especially when God is in it.

I was up by 5:30 a.m. this morning and on the road by 7:30 a.m.  Traveling home!  I have never felt like I was traveling away from home but for the first time today I actually realized I was traveling toward home!  My entire trip has always felt like I was on my way home but now I realized I really am going to be home.  Tomorrow.  How did that happen so quickly?  After all, there is still so much to do.  These past four months have been an absolutely amazing gift to me.  A gift first from God because I believe He put the desire in my heart to make this journey and retrace my life, stopping to see all I could fit into the schedule, seeing people I haven’t seen for years who are growing old as I grow older, friends from my childhood when we were both still in diapers.  A friend of my heart who has been my friend since we were six years old, friends from high school, friends from my adolescence from church, my closest friend that I met when I was in college, my spiritual mentor when I was a young mother, my children’s day care provider who gave me peace of mind to work when my babies were young, the beloved lady who found Rebecca for us so we could adopt her, our daughter’s mother’s mother and her father’s father, my aunts,  my uncle, my cousins, my sisters, nieces and nephews and grandnieces and a new step grandnephew, and all the people I met along the way that I call “divine meetings”.  Divine meetings are the people I believe God intended me to meet for some purpose, for some reason.  And even today that happened.  Remember the one named James who knocked on my door when I wasn’t going to go anyplace that day?  If I wasn’t going out God would bring them to me.  Well today was another happenstance such as that.  I never know when these meetings will happen and sometimes when they are happening I don’t realize it until the meeting is ending.

This trip has also been a gift from my children.  The gift they gave me was their encouragement, their support, and their love.  They never once told me I was too old, or too frail, or it was too dangerous.  They didn’t accuse me of being self centered or selfish. They believed in me and said they knew I could do this.  They have seen the challenges I have had over the past few years and I think they both knew how important is was for me to fulfill my dream  of seeing my friends again.  Their support has meant the world to me.  Thank you Rebecca and Courtland.

I traveled from 7:30 a.m. until 3:00 p.m. when I arrived at the Capitol in Lincoln Nebraska.  I prayed for a close parking spot and God took to the very one that was just opening for me.  I stopped (on a very main thoroughfare, waited a second and a car pulled out exactly as if I knew she was going to pull out, left the empty space for my little Grey Fox to drive in forward and park it perfectly on the first try.  It was smack, dab in front of the Capitol building.  Two hour parking from 3:00 to 5:00 p.m..  No meter!  There were only three such spots on the street for public parking.  I was there 5 minutes before the next tour began.  Well, when I got inside I asked for the time and found out it wasn’t just the next tour at 3:00, it was actually the LAST TOUR at 4:00.  I had forgotten that there would be a time change.  I barely made it.  It was so worth it.  I have never seen a capitol such as this one.  I think I shall explain it at a later date if the opportunity arises in order to save time tonight.  But I will say that I again was allowed to go to the top of the capitol and take photos from a bird’s eye view.  I also included a picture of the building, which I could capture totally in the frame, even when I tilted the camera  I also included a photo of a church and showing my car parked in front of the capitol.  This was also taken from the tower.  The inside of the capitol is unique, creative, very symbolic.  I fell in love with Nebraska because of all the symbolism and that went into designing a building with such thought and integrity for the people of Nebraska.  The building is an amazing gift to the citizens of Nebraska.  I hope they realize what their state stands for.

After the tour I came directly to my last night’s stay on the road, an Airbnb residence.  I have not stayed in one hotel room on my entire strip.  My Airbnb nights were from $40 a night to one that was a last minute booking and nothing else was available that cost $100 and it was ocean front property. The rest were about $50 or $60 per night and some were absolutely luxurious.  Hopefully I will never need to stay in a hotel again with the ease of booking with Airbnb.com.  You must have a background check, so if you are ever interested in using this service you would need to plan ahead so you have time for the background check before you leave on a trip.  Tonight I have an entire house minus one bedroom that is being rented out.  The other guest also has use of the house except for my room.  I am sitting at a lovely kitchen dining room table, comfortable in my surroundings, and feel very much at home.

I met the Airbnb host, Don, at the house and he helped carry my luggage upstairs, clean up a mess of spilled water in my car, showed me around the premise and where things were.  He was polite and delightful to talk to.  I am in a beautiful neighborhood with my car tucked in the driveway off the street and three dogs who live in a house built for a dog in the garage, air conditioning, couch, and accessibility to the back yard who will bark if anyone comes on the premise.  What more could I ask for?  Oh yes, free WIFI, a refrigerator stocked with boxes of drinks, cans of seltzer waters, water and several other things.  I don’t know if the other things belong to the other guest or if there is always milk and condiments and vegetable juice and butter available.  There is even food in the freezer but I didn’t feel like cooking a turkey tonight.  I did eat a popsicle, at least a little bit of it.  Hope they were for the offering, I can’t remember what he told me about those.  Oh well, it’s gone now, melted on my plate.  Thank you Don for the Popsicle if it was meant for me, and thank you even if it wasn’t.  But…my husband will be happy to know I DID NOT HAVE EVEN ONE PIECE OF CHOCOLATE and there is a big jar of all my old favorites sitting in a glass jar on the counter.  It has been several years now that I have been unable to eat chocolate because of the caffeine,  But it doesn’t mean I don’t want too.  However, because of the seriousness of eating it, I have promised Dave that I will not eat it.  It causes me to go into serious Atrial Fibrillation and he has had to witness my being defibrillated too many times.

As you can see by my description above I have a comfortable place to stay.  And the best part, I even had great company for a while this evening.  Don and I started talking and he stayed later that I expected he would.  Probably longer than he expected he would.  He asked for my blog and I pulled it up for him, ended up reading last nights because I felt like it might be something he would enjoy.  After I read it Don said he felt as if he was listening in a dream.  He had just mentioned to a friend the very things I discussed in my blog and he felt like this was confirmation that he was supposed to hear what I had written.  He indicated that thought it would make a difference in his life with some decisions he needs to think about.  When I write, I think I am writing for my pleasure and over and over I find that God is using the words to help others in ways I never thought of.  God directed me to write what I wrote the day before I meet Don, and Don tells his friend this morning the situation about wanting to make some changes in his life, and then I read to him tonight what it is he just discussed with his friend and the words I wrote give him pause to think of what it is he should be doing.  Who knew but God, that our lives would be coming together today for this short meeting.

We serve a mighty God!  He never ceases to amaze me.  His protection, His love, His guidance, putting words in my heart to write, bringing the right person along that feels those words are for them personally is way more than just chance or happenstance.  I asked Don for his wisdom.  He said that this is something that he heard once.

Don’s wisdom: “Our lives are the sum total of the choices we make.”

Oh my goodness!  I so agree.  It goes along with the talk I did at church before I left on my trip about intentionally thinking about what we do and the outcome it will have on our lives tomorrow, next week, and next year.  Everything we do has consequences, intended or unintended.  What choice we make from thinking intentionally will create the sum total of who we are.  Think about the fact that we, you and I , do have choices.  Make choices, don’t just go through life and “let” things happen.  Become the sum total of being the best you, you can be.  There is no one else who can be a better “YOU” than you.  Make the choices that will give you the sum total of who you want to be, one choice at a time, one day at a time.  Remember they will all accumulate to create the sum total of who you are.  Thank you Don for sharing that wisdom with me today.  It was a pleasure to meet you.

Now, back to my trip.  This is my last night on the road.  Tomorrow is a new beginning.  Both, for Dave and I.  His life as he has known it for the last 50 years will change.  He has worked for 50 years.  He worked his way through college and worked all our married life.  For me it will be different because I will have a man under foot full time for the first time in 42 years!  SMILE!  I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT! And there is no other man I would rather want under foot more than the man I married.  God shined down on me that day!  I too will be retired (actually as of December 31, 2014) once I finish post production on two weddings from last summer and fall, one senior portrait’s art work, and one newborn session.  About two months more of work, then the sale of my equipment, teardown of the studio, and emptying everything out!  There is always one more thing to do.  And I am so looking forward to getting it done.

I am not finished with the summation of my trip.  I just need more time to contemplate.  Don helped me to do just that.  I don’t think he even realized it.  He was the first person to actually take my phone in hand and look at every picture.  I sat beside him at the kitchen table and told him some of the stories.  Looking at the pictures and telling the stories brought them all back to me, made them come alive in my heart again.  I have lived these four months in total connection of the moment I was living in.  No thought about what had transpired and no worry about what was to come.  I did have to do some midterm scheduling of places to stay, but other than that, I lived in the moment.  As most of you know, I didn’t even have a minute to make phone calls because I was always so engaged in whatever I was doing, with whomever I was with.  My days were extremely busy and full with people and places and activities.  Hopefully I will be able to reconnect by phone and in true life.  I look forward to seeing everyone again.

Thank you for your prayers and your comments on my emails and texts.  It has been an unbelievable four months. I am now ready for the rest of my life.

One last detail.  As many of you know my trip was postponed at the beginning due to my diagnosis of two breast lumps.  I must have surgery when I return home and it is scheduled for July 27^th.  I will be going in for surgery for a partial mastectomy with the possibility of a complete mastectomy depending upon the outcome of the mass on my chest wall being removed easily or not.  I have not had one day of stress, worry, or fear about this situation.  It shows no cancer but because it is a return of a previous mass it must come out.  It is also quite painful.  I have not lost any sleep over it and I have not really even thought much about it until now when the reality of it coming up has surfaced in my thoughts.  Well, I just wanted you all to know so that you could continue to pray for me, and know why you may not see me again for a period of time while I recover.

I plan to write a closure to my trip (was going to do that tonight) and will do it either tomorrow night or in the next few days.  If you are interested in reading it just check back.  I also plan to reorganize all that is in the blog and put it where it belongs.  Then, my next step it to include more poetry, both from past writings and from current and future writings.

I know I have asked for lots of wisdom from friends, family, and strangers.  I was going through some previous poetry I wrote and found one about wisdom.  I will share it with you tonight.

Tuesday June 30, 2015  DAY 118 THE CHOICES WE MAKE

Our lives are the sum total of the choices we make.

So where do I begin.  Or perhaps I should say, where do I end?  I had planned to take a lot of time just tonight reflecting on my trip but plans have a way of changing.  I was once told by a friend, “If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans”.  That is pretty much how this entire trip has gone.  I make the plans and God takes me where He wants me to go and brings tome the people He wants me to meet.  And so it was tonight.  A good plan change, especially when God is in it.

I was up by 5:30 a.m. this morning and on the road by 7:30 a.m.  Traveling home.  I have never felt like I was traveling away from home but for the first time today I actually realized I was traveling toward home!  My entire trip has always felt like I was on my way home but now I realized I really am going to be home.  Tomorrow.  How did that happen so quickly?  After all, there is still so much to do.  These past four months have been an absolutely amazing gift to me.  A gift first from God because I believe He put the desire in my heart to make this journey and retrace my life, stopping to see all I could fit into the schedule, seeing people I haven’t seen for years who are growing old as I grow older, friends from my childhood when we were both still in diapers.  A friend of my heart who has been my friend since we were six years old, friends from high school, friends from my adolescence from church, my closest friend that I met when I was in college, my spiritual mentor when I was a young mother, my children’s day care provider who gave me peace of mind to work when my babies were young, the beloved lady who found Rebecca for us so we could adopt her, my daughter’s mother’s mother and her father’s father, my aunts,  my uncle, my cousins, my sisters, nieces and nephews and grandnieces and a new step grandnephew, and all the people I met along the way that I call “divine meetings”.  Divine meetings are the people I believe God intended me to meet for some purpose, for some reason.  And even today that happened.  Remember the one named James who knocked on my door when I wasn’t going to go anyplace that day?  If I wasn’t going out God would bring them to me.  Well today was another happenstance such as that.  I never know when these meetings will happen and sometimes when they are happening I don’t realize it until the meeting is ending.

I traveled from 7:30 a.m. until 3:00 p.m. when I arrived at the Capitol in Lincoln Nebraska.  I prayed for a close parking spot and God took to the very one that was just opening for me.  I stopped (on a very main thoroughfare, waited a second and a car pulled out exactly as if I knew she was going to pull out, left the empty space and with my little Grey Fox, was able to front drive right into it and park it perfectly on the first try.  It was smack, dab in front of the Capitol building.  Two hour parking from 3:00 to 5:00 p.m..  No meter!  There were only three such spots on the street for public parking.  I was there 5 minutes before the next tour began.  Well, when I got inside I asked for the time and found out it wasn’t just the next tour at 3:00, it was actually the LAST TOUR at 4:00.  I had forgotten that there would be a time change.  I barely made it.  It was so worth it.  I have never seen a capitol such as this one.  I think I shall explain it at a later date if the opportunity arises n order to save time tonight.  But I will say that I again was allowed to go to the top of the capitol and take photos from a bird’s eye view.  I included a picture of the building, which I could get all in the frame, even when I tilted the camera, and one from the tower of a church and my car parked in front of the capitol.  The building inside is unique, creative, very symbolic and made me fall in love with Nebraska because of all the symbolism and plans that when in to designing something for the people of that state.  The building is an amazing gift to the citizens of Nebraska.  I hope they realize what their state stands for.

After the tour I came directly to my last night’s stay on the road, an Airbnb residence.  I have not stayed in one hotel room on my entire strip.  My Airbnb nights were from $40 a night to one that was a last minute booking and nothing else was available that cost $100 and it was ocean front property. The rest were about $50 or $60 per night and some were absolutely luxurious.  Hopefully I will never need to stay in a hotel again with the ease of booking with Airbnb.com.  You must have a background check, so if you are ever interested in using this service you would need to plan ahead so you have time for the background check before you leave on a trip.  Tonight I have an entire house minus one bedroom that is being rented out.  The other guest also has use of the house except for my room.  I am sitting and a lovely kitchen dining room table, comfortable in my surroundings, and feel very much at home.

I met the Airbnb host, Don, at the house and he helped carry my luggage upstairs, clean up a mess of spilled water in my car, showed me around the premise and where things were.  He was polite and delightful to talk to.  I am in a beautiful neighborhood with my car tucked in the driveway off the street and three dogs who live in a house built for a dog in the garage, air conditioning, couch, and accessibility to the back yard who will bark if anyone comes on the premise.  What more could I ask for?  Oh yes, free WIFI, a refrigerator stocked with boxes of drinks, cans of seltzer waters, water and several other things.  I don’t know if the other things belong to the other guest or if there is always milk and condiments and vegetable juice and butter available.  There is even food in the freezer but I didn’t feel like cooking a turkey tonight.  I did eat a popsicle, at least a little bit of it.  Hope they were for the offering, I can’t remember what he told me about those.  Oh well, it’s gone now, melted on my plate.  Thank you Don for the Popsicle if it was meant for me, and thank you even if it wasn’t.  But…my husband will be happy to know I DID NOT HAVE EVEN ONE PIECE OF CHOCOLATE and there is a big jar of all my old favorites.  It has been several years now that I haven’t been able to eat chocolate because of the caffeine, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want too.  However, because of the seriousness of eating it, I have promised Dave that I will not eat it.  It causes me to go into serious Atrial Fibrillation and he has had to witness my being defibrillated too many times.

As you can see by my description above I have a comfortable place to stay.  And the best part I even had great company for a while this evening.  Don and I started talking and he stayed later that I expected he would or that he expected he would.  He asked for my blog and pulled it up for him, ended up reading last nights because I felt like it might be something he would enjoy.  After I read it Don said he felt as if he was listening in a dream.  He had just mentioned to a friend the very things I discussed in my blog and he felt like this was confirmation that he was supposed to hear what I wrote and that it would make a difference in his life with some decisions he needs to make.  When I write, I think I am writing for my pleasure and over and over I find that God is using the words to help others in ways I never thought of.  God direct me to write, the day before I meet Don, and Don tells his friend this morning the situation about wanting to make some changes in his life, and then I read to him what it is he just discussed with statements that give him pause to think of what it is he should be doing.  Who knew but God, that our lives would be coming together today for this short meeting and have that transpire.

We serve a mighty God!  He never ceases to amaze me.  His protection, His love, His guidance, putting words in my heart to write, bringing the right person along that feels those words are for them personally is way more than just chance or happenstance.  I asked Don for his wisdom.  He said that this is something that he heard once.

Don’s wisdom: “Our lives are the sum total of the choices we make.”

Oh my goodness!  I so agree.  It goes along with the talk I did at church before I left about intentionally thinking about what we do and the outcome it will have on our lives tomorrow, next week, and next year.  Everything we do has consequences, intended or unintended.  What choice we make from thinking intentionally will create the sum total of who we are.  Think about the fact that we, you and I , do have choices.  Make choices, don’t just go through life and “let” things happen.  Become the sum total of being the best you, you can be.  There is no one else who can be a better “YOU” than you.  Make the choices that will give you the sum total of who you want to be, one choice at a time, one day at a time.  Remember they will all accumulate to create the sum total of who you are.  Thank you Don for sharing that wisdom with me today.  It was a pleasure to meet you.

Now, back to my trip.  This is my last night on the road.  Tomorrow is a new beginning.  Both for Dave and I.  His life as he has known it for the last 50 years will change.  He has worked for 50 years.  He worked his way through college and worked all our married life.  For me it will be different because I will have a man under foot full time for the first time in 42 years!  SMILE!  I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT! And there is no other man I would want under foot more than the man I married.  God shined down on me that day!  I too will be retired (actually as of December 31, 2014) once I finish post production on two weddings from last summer and fall, one senior portrait’s art work, and one newborn session.  About two months more of work, then the sale of my equipment, teardown of the studio, and emptying everything out!  There is always one more thing to do.  And I am so looking forward to getting it done.

But before I go to what I have on my calendar to do, I want to say I am not finished with the summation of my trip.  I just need more time to contemplate.  Don helped me tremendously to do just that.  I don’t think he even realized it.  He was the first person to actually take my phone in hand and look at every picture.  I sat beside him at the kitchen table and told him some of the stories and looking at the pictures and telling the stories brought them all back to me, made them come alive in my heart again.  I have lived these four months in total connection of the moment I was living in.  No thought about what had transpired and no worry about what was to come.  I did have to do some midterm scheduling a places to stay but other than that I lived in the moment.  As most of you know, I didn’t even have a minute to make phone calls because I was always so engaged in whatever I was doing, with whomever I was with.  Every moment of most of my days were extremely busy and full with people and places and activities.  Hopefully I will be able to reconnect by phone and in true life.  I look forward to seeing everyone again.

Thank you for your prayers and your comments on my emails and texts.  It has been an unbelievable four months. I am now ready for the rest of my life.

One last detail.  As many of you know my trip was postponed at the beginning due to my diagnosis of two breast lumps.  I must have surgery when I return home and it is scheduled for July 27^th.  I will be going in for surgery for a partial mastectomy with the possibility of a complete mastectomy depending upon the outcome of the mass on my chest wall being removed easily or not.  I have not had one day of stress, worry, or fear about this situation.  It shows no cancer but because it is a return of a previous mass it must come out.  It is also quite painful.  I have not lost any sleep over it and I have not really even thought much about it until now when the reality of it coming up has surfaced in my thoughts.  Well, I just wanted you all to know so that you could continue to pray for me, and know why you may not see me again for a period of time while I recover.

I plan to write a closure to my trip (was going to do that tonight) and will do it either tomorrow night or in the next few days.  If you are interested in reading it just check back.  I also plan to reorganize all that is in the blog and put it where it belongs.  Then, my next step it to include more poetry, both from past writings and from current and future writings.

I know I have asked for lots of wisdom from friends, family, and strangers.  I was going through some previous poetry I wrote and found one about wisdom.  I will share it with you tonight.  Remember that today is the day when you should make a choice that will take you one step closer to where you want to be.  And the most important decision you will ever make is to be sure and partner with God and let God direct  you as to what choices you make.

WISDOM IS THE TOOL

By Kathleen Martens

January 23, 2013

So much truth

You Give Lord

That we should

Seek to find.

Your Instruction…

As love from a Father.

Your Knowledge…

That which we learn.

Your Understanding…

So to comprehend.

And that which results

In use of knowledge, instruction, and understanding

Is Wisdom

The beautiful tool

That allows us

To use the knowledge, instruction and understanding

Which you have provided

In Your Living Word.