Visions of Poetry

Monday August 17 2015  IT WAS A BIG SPLASH!

 

All days do not go as planned.  But it was still a big spash!  A day with the boys, what more could I ask?  Up early, hungry quickly, bored quicker, and so I left.  I left when Dave arrived home from his Monday morning men’s breakfast.  That was the planned part.  I had a great workout at the gym then home for THREE hungry men.  Prepared food but was not fast enough, as my three year old grandson simply said, “Grandma you must do it faster”.  No whining or complaining, just a few directives.

When I left the gym it was a humid 81 degrees.  So after lunch we decided to invite Michael next door and meet him and his mom at the Splash Park.  You might remember what it is like to have everyone change, gather towels, be sure I had enough water, the atomizer for Zach, grab the sunscreen and get carseats in the car and everyone buckled in.   Whew!  Makes me tired just writing about it.  As we were driving the three miles to the park I noticed a very large menacing black cloud coming in.  All of a sudden the wind came up, the cloud covered us overhead, and I kept on driving to the Splash Park.  After all, we were meeting someone there and couldn’t very easily stand them up.  We arrived and of course the children were very excited.  It was a fabulous Splash Park.  Of course I haven’t been to any others so I have nothing to compare it with.  But it sure looked fun.  Michael was pretty much wet after a minute or two.  I held my boys back until I could figure out what the weather was up to.  I was cold and I wasn’t even wet.  The boys so badly wanted to go in.  They activated the park, as no one else was there to enjoy the interesting weather and that made it even colder.  I still kept them out and as dry as possible.  Well, after a little while more people came but along with them came rain and thunder and cold wind.  When the guys nestled into me for warmth I decided it was time to leave.  Michael was trembling and his knees were shaking so I think he was only too happy to be corralled into his car.  I was wet, the boys were wet, and the heavens were pouring forth a gullywhomper!  (No such word on my dictionary check but I think it describes best what was happening).  In other words it was raining cats and dogs!

By the time we arrived home the rain had stopped, we were wet, and we were happy to go inside and get warm.  So, we changed our day around.  I suggested we get dried off and go check out St. Vincent’s toy stash but the boys chose instead to have a movie afternoon, instead of a movie night, and we would have our popcorn now instead of after dinner.  I don’t know what it is going to be like to have their grocery bill when they are 12 and 16 instead of 3 and 7 but if how often they hungry now is any indication of the increase, it will be a doozy. When Courtland was a teenager it was as if he had a hollow leg.

So, I watched some of the movie with them.  Since they are in an adjacent room to the sunroom I sort of snuck away in here to write my blog early.  Since no nap or rest time I have a feeling they will need a little extra TLC this evening and an earlier bedtime.  When they go to bed, I GO TO BED!  After all, I have one more day to keep up with them.  Then…I will do my wedding work!

We did have a productive day today however, despite being rained out of the Splash Pool.  Perhaps I should say, thunder and lightninged out.  I didn’t feel it safe to be amongst metal, standing in water with the lightening going off in the heavens.  Lightning struck close to me once and it was not a good feeling.  It caused my heart to skip and miss beats for a while, made my hair stand on end, scattered lightening bubbles to dance on the ground close to me and stopped my watch at exactly the time the tornado struck about 5 miles away.  The watch never did work after that.  I never forgot that split second of time.  Just as I was reaching for a metal handrail to climb the step to our front stoop, something said in my head “DO NOT GRAB THAT HANDRAIL”.  I didn’t and the lightning struck on the sidewalk off to my left and completely missed hitting me directly.  I was in rubber soled shoes standing on cement.  I always wondered if I had grasped that railing if I would have become the target of that strike.  I will never know, but I do thank God that I wasn’t struck that day.  Our house has been hit by lightning a couple of times and one time it damaged our computer/TV equipment.  So, I have a healthy respect for lightening.

I’ve enclosed a few snapshots of our escapades so you can see me in action being a grandma!  Perhaps tomorrow will be a nice hot, rainless day.  However, I am thanking God for the rain too.  It has since rained another squall.  I love the rain, but it sure does havoc to my red geraniums, and to the other colors too, but it is only the red ones I care about.

A great calendar wisdom today.  Read it carefully:  “You have no strength but what God gives AND YOU CAN HAVE ALL THE STRENGTH THAT GOD CAN GIVE”

 

MAN MAKES PLANS BUT GOD DIRECTS HIS STEPS

By Kathleen Martens

August 17, 2015

 

A day begins with all sorts of plans

But you never know how it will end.

Everything can go smooth as pie

Or surprises it can lend.

 

When what you do goes awry,

You can complain because it’s skewed.

Or you can go with God’s direction

And ask God for His view.

 

If the rains come falling down

And aborts the fun of pleasure

Look around and find the jewel

That becomes the unburied treasure.

 

Be thankful for the farmer’s crops

Thirsty in the fields

And know that the falling rain

To another great joy it yields.

 

So always open every hour

For God to use for His best.

Whatever your plan He’ll direct your steps

Into His arms of rest.

 

Just commit to not complain,

And don’t do anything rash.

Regardless how your day turns out,

It can still be a great big Splash!

 

Wish you all a wonderful evening!  Good night!

 

Sunday Sabbath August 16 2015  GOD’S WISDOM IS BEST!

 

I am so thankful that God’s wisdom is always right on.  He was so wise to give young women reproduction rights and to turn off the valve in advancing years.  As a young woman I didn’t give it a second thought as to the energy it took to care for my two young children.  Yes, sometimes the days were long and tiring, and I more than once, wondered if I would ever stop scrubbing up peanut butter and jelly sandwich smears.  It did end and then I looked back at that time with fondness.  Now is a different story.  I am so happy that I do not “own” little children of my own.  I am so happy to have my grandchildren with me, especially for a couple of nights and then be able to send them home.  They are exuberant, exciting, inquisitive and amazing little boys and I love every moment with them, but…(you fill in the ending)!

So, what have we planned for the next two days?  Absolutely nothing.  I am the spontaneous type who can usually come up with something to keep them busy every single moment.  They are not allowed to watch T.V. but they have privileges at grandma and grandpa’s house to watch a DVD movie (I choose several from the library and they each get to pick out one).  I think it is more for us than for them.  I’m in the sunroom writing my blog, Dave is in his easy chair “enraptured” with Xander’s choice of “FROZEN”.  (Oh by the way Xander, who is almost four, has decided he wants to be called TORNADO.  No clue as to why.)  So, Dave is happily resting, I am happily writing my blog, and the boys are extremely happy about having the awesome time of watching a movie.  They think we are “cool” grandparents!  If only they knew!  Zach told me tonight that I forgot something because I was just old.  He didn’t say it in a disrespectful way but just as a matter of fact.  I guess that is better than telling me three years ago as he walked up the stairs behind me “Grandma, your butt is really big”.  And he was right!  Grandchildren keep you humble.

We had a delicious dinner, Court and Amy (as usual) got up and cleaned up the kitchen) and the boys and I prepared to go for a hike in the woods.  And we took the long way around.  We were in there long enough to create a smorgasbord for the mosquitoes.  We ended up walking on different paths that our neighbor keeps mowed for us and ended up in the yard of a home that is a ways off and faces another road.  We trekked up their steep hill and walked home on the road.  Poor Zach was dying with pain in his feet before we got home.  I asked Xander if his feet were hurting.  He replied, “Yes, they are killing me.  My feet are just killing me”, as he is running and jumping and walking like marathon runner warming up.  I wonder where he has heard that phrase.  Zach was simply stating fact.  For indeed he does have feet problems and gets them from me.  I am missing two bones in my feet that have caused me grief all my life.  My arch is also nonexistent.  Zach has the same flat feet but the missing bones have not been confirmed due to the Doctor choosing not to x-ray someone so young.  Zach too must wear inserts in his shoes like I do.

I have an art room (at the present it is a mess) that is filled with fun supplies for lots of crafts.  Both boys can use us an entire morning just working on “projects”.  And I can always think of some kind of project.  I just wish I could train them to clean and convince them that it was a fun project.  That hasn’t happened yet.

 

Two Little Men in the Making

By Kathleen Martens

August 16, 2015

 

I look at my two little men in the making

And my heart swells with such pride.

So full of love and exuberance

And little secrets they confide.

 

I want to wrap them in safety

That no harm would ever befall.

I pray they will be old men

Before heaven their name calls.

 

I wear a little necklace,

A rock tied with string.

It was a gift my grandson made

And it caused my heart to sing.

 

Always busy and moving around

They keep me on my toes.

I will not complain one little bit,

This time will too quickly go.

 

Oh how blessed I am to see

My son’s face look back at me.

One face that is seven,

The other face is three.

 

And I delight in who they are

And I remember the years past

When their father was so little

And that time moved too fast.

 

It makes me slow down and think,

To savor each moment given,

To enjoy these two little men

Who in childhood now are living.

 

And the Father they will be

Is inside those little men.

Now is the time to train them up

To live a life free of sin.

 

I thank God for my husband

Who was the best Father to be had.

And that we now have a son

Who is truly a remarkable dad.

 

And these little boys are in training

To walk in the way of the Lord

How awesome to share a part

Of teaching them God’s word.

 

CALENDAR WISDOM:  “A happy home is not one without problems but one that handles them with love and understanding.”

I’ll keep it short tonight for your sake because I actually do have more time to write.

Good night!

Sandra Keller if you are out there reading this I send you a big hug from one grandma  to another grandma.  I think you can identify with what I wrote.

P.S.  To All:  If you are interested in an excellent sermon regarding God’s Judgement google City Church Madison Wisconsin and look for the sermon for today, August 16, 2015.  It is an excellent teaching.

 

P. S.  Her is a poem I wrote five years ago that I thought you might enjoy.

 

I HAD A LITTLE BOY ONCE

By Kathleen Martens

May 4, 2010

 

I had a little boy once

And my heart remembers so much

From the earliest fluttering in my womb

As well as the kicking and such.

 

Such a tiny baby born too early

With such a hope for life.

He struggled for each breath he took,

His beginning was filled with strife.

 

I had a little boy once

And I stroked his tiny feet,

His unseen eyes covered by gauze

To protect them from light & heat.

 

I had a little boy once

Who one day smiled at me

With sparkling brown eyes

He found my heart’s key.

 

I had a little boy once

Who crawled, walked and played.

And he gave his heart to Jesus

At four years old he simply prayed.

 

I think back to that time in life,

Unending questions and happy smiles.

All those memories of time and space,

They seemed unending miles.

 

I had a little boy once,

Each day sweeter than the day before.

The days did not last for ever

And oh how I long for more.

 

I had a little boy once

Who at my table did sup.

But that little boy is gone now

He had the nerve to grow up!

 

This time the good night is for real!

 

 

Friday August 14 2015  PEOPLE WHO CARE ARE PEOPLE WHO SHARE

Absolutely no reason for my title.  I just liked the little calendar quip for August 14 when I turned the page over.  Remember, there is no copyright on it.  But for what it is worth, I do think the two lined poem is true.

What did you share today?  Have you ever asked that question of yourself?  Or maybe, what did I give today?  I ask these questions because the Calendar quip reminded me of a book I read several years ago.  The book, “29 Gifts: How a Month of Giving Can Change Your Life” by Cami Walker.  This book was quite interesting.  It was about a young wife who was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.  She declined rather rapidly and was in a deep depression.  She called an older woman who was her friend and asked her if she could come over.  Cami bemoaned everything to this friend on the phone.  To put it in a nutshell, the older woman told Cami to quit thinking about her problems and look around her and see others who were worse off than she was.  This friend told Cami to quit feeling sorry for herself.  Her further advice to Cami was to find a gift she could give to another person today and then to do that for 29 days in a row and it would change her life.

Well, Cami didn’t like her unsympathetic friends advice one bit and did a little griping for a few days. Then she decided to take up the challenge.  Her first gift, if I remember correctly, was to call another acquaintance she knew who also had M.S.  She thought she would call her up and try to cheer her up on the phone.  What happened was that this acquaintance she called ended up cheering Cami up.  This gave Cami pause for thought.  She would think of another gift to give someone the next day.  Cami was in extremely bad shape and couldn’t even walk up and down her apartment steps.  What happened through the course of the first month of 29 gifts in 29 days is remarkable.  This is a true story.  So I decided to try it at home.  This is one of those things that you don’t have to say “Don’t try this at home”.  If you miss even one day of giving you must start from the beginning again and go another consecutive 29 consecutive days.  I decided to try it.  What happened in that first month was so amazing to me I could not believe it.  I wish I had it at my finger tips to share all the amazing things that transpired that month but all the details are in one of dozens of journals and I don’t remember which journals they are logged in.  I read the book from the library and then bought a second had copy and ended up giving that copy away.

I am going to share just one example of what happened that stands out in my mind during that first month.  Just so you know you don’t have to stop after a month.  A gift can be a lot of things that does not cost money, such as opening a door for someone, doing a chore that they normally do, taking back another person’s grocery cart when they unload their groceries, or picking a flower from your garden and taking it to a neighbor.  So many little gestures can mean so much to the recipient.  Well, on a Saturday morning I left home early to attend a lady’s one day retreat at church.  I stopped by the Subway to buy myself a sandwich because we needed a lunch and I did not make one for myself.  So, I decided to buy two sandwiches and give it to the leader to anonymously announce at lunch that if anyone didn’t have a lunch there was a lunch waiting for them at the podium.  At lunch time she did just that.  Immediately someone jumped up, excited and hopeful.  She hadn’t had time to prepare a lunch and was very hungry.  It felt awesome to do that for someone else.  Now fast forward a few days later.  There was a woman that worked at Q-doba on Fish Hatchery Road.  When I was there one time she gave me a coupon for a free burrito.  I was very touched by her generosity.  She was the manager.  I wrote a poem “You can Never be too Kind” and dropped it by for her.  It delighted her immensely.  My poem was the gift I gave for that day.  Well a few days after that I was back at Q-doba (that’s when I ate fast food) and she asked me to wait because she had something for me and had been watching for me to come by.  Her husband worked at another place called Buffalo Wild Wings and she had two gift certificates for me for $25.00 each.  I was flabbergasted!  Not only that, she gave me several (I think 4) more coupons for free meals at Q-doba!  Her generosity was overwhelming.  When I told Dave about it he said, “Well, I guess you just can’t out give God”.  I was not expecting anything in return for my experimental 29 days.  It was awesome to be so blessed.  More and more incidents such as that happened that entire month.  And you don’t have to do it for just one month.  Give it a try, I promise nothing in return except great feelings you receive from sharing with other!  It is God who sees our heart and our motive.  As Cami gave that first month she noticed her health improving to the point she could walk again and do so much more than she ever thought possible in her situation.  I recommend reading the book.  Some of her spiritual beliefs are a bit different than what I am used to but overall the book is well written and worth reading.  I’ll tell you one thing, I got way more than a sandwich in return for my little six inch tuna sub.

The busier you are, all the more reason to do it.  I’ll see if I can find the poem I gave the Q-doba lady.  That will actually tell me when this all happened because I date each poem the day I write it.  I guess I still give every day if you count “ADVICE” as a gift.  Oh well, nice try.

Today I was up earlier, so I guess my morning did come earlier after all.  And I wrote a poem.  It is downstairs in my journal in the library so I will include the one I discussed above for today’s blog.  I do hope you enjoy it.

Dave and I took separate cars to the gym today because I had a string of errands to accomplish.  While at the gym my friend Judy called me at noon to ask me if I could go to our favorite place to get COCONUT CREAM PIE!  When I speak of this COCONUT CREAM PIE it is with reverence, in capital letters.  It is a vegetarian restaurant downtown Madison named THE GREEN OWL, and their food is so delicious.  We both love the pie.  So I rearranged my errands (no time restraints) and high tailed it to downtown for out 1:00 o’clock rendezvous.   That pie was delicious!!  And…(another gift given to me) Judy would not let me buy my piece all because Dave and I took her with us in the back seat to our last Saturday’s party in Pardeville (where I bought the chairs). Not only was the company great but she blessed me with her unexpected generosity.

After leaving downtown I accomplished the errands I had been trying to get to all week and was home by 6:00 p.m.  I already had dinner prepared so I ate and now I am here doing my little blog.  My first hopeful Saturday day off tomorrow will be taken up by doing the Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep photos for the family as the baby’s funeral is next week and they need the montage by then.  And Sunday is our dinner with the kids here and then the boys will be left for two night to have fun with us.  I must remember…NO ICE CAREAM!  NO ICE CREAM!  The oldest is allergic to milk just like Courtland was.  When I took Courtland to visit grandma and grandpa for the weekend I always reminded them no milk.  But he always had allergic reactions the next day.  One day I asked them explicitly if they had given him milk.  No, they had not.  Then later in the conversation they mentioned how much he loved ice cream.  Oh dear!  I told them he couldn’t have ice cream either.  That was a great blow to both of them and to Courtland, because of course, he did love the ice cream.  He was two years old.  They didn’t give him anymore ice cream.  And, guess what?  I’ve done the same thing.  I guess it is just something grandparents want to do.  Well, now I make fruit smoothies with rice milk.  The little kids think that is pretty cool!   One of my best memories of Dave’s folks is remembering how very much our children so loved their grandparents.  Dave’s father was already 84 years old when Rebecca was born.  We were saddened at the thought that he might not live long enough, due to his advanced age, for the kids to be able to remember the grand old man.  And he was grand!  Well, he lived to be 101 years old.  Rebecca  was 17 and Courtland was 14.  They still cherish their memories of their grandparents.  Dave’s mom lived about another 10 years and the children remember her vividly also.  Ruth was 18 years younger than her husband John.

I was able to find the poem mentioned above on an external hard drive.  It was written in January 2012.  I remember starting my first month of giving in December of 2011.

 

YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO KIND

 

Kathleen Martens

January 19 2012

 

When you meet someone kind,

A rare treasure is what you find.

A peace shines upon their face,

Accept their gift with gentle grace.

 

Realize you’ve been given a gift,

Perhaps their smile or a word that lifts.

Tuck that pleasure in your heart

And turn to another to impart.

 

Kindness is beauty like a nugget of gold

Though not purchased, traded, or sold.

It is GIVEN without cause or motive,

An act of joy, unselfish votive.

 

Think of ways to another give,

How you think is how you live!

Remember you can never be too kind,

For tenfold blessings you will find.

 

Over all, today was another wonderful day of living.  Always busy but ever so grateful for the gift of life, regardless how busy I seem to always be.  Someday I am going to figure out this thing called life and remember I am retired and try to slow down.  I really do want to do that.  I have so much more I want to accomplish.  Uh oh!  I want to get un-busy so I can do other busy things.  That makes no sense.  I love it!

 

Good night!  Have a great weekend.

P.S.  I just had to go ahead and write a short poem tonight to include in closing.

 

 

LOOK FORWARD TO WHAT IT BRINGS

By Kathleen Martens

August 14, 2015

 

Words cannot mere express

The gratitude I feel

When I awaken to a new day

To find what God reveals.

 

For each day is born anew

A gift given from our King

Accept it with a thankful heart

Look forward to what it beings.

 

Thursday August 13, 2015  MY MORNINGS MUST COME EARLIER

How long will it take me to find my niche back into my former life?  Or, do I even want to find it?  It seems each day I have been home has been so filled up that I can’t quite find a routine.  And I remember my sister’s words a couple of weeks ago, “you must find a routine in order to survive old age” (my paraphrase).  Either one of two things have happened.  Either I am not old enough to have a routine or perhaps I’m just not surviving old age very well.  I think both premises are incorrect.  I am old (at least older than I was), and I am surviving without a routine.  I don’t THINK I’m old when I think of myself and all my dreams and desires, yet I have discovered since I’ve been home that my body is trying to tell me differently.  When I stumbled off the step at my friend’s house in Denver Colorado and twisted my hip, I discovered that I am not healing like I used to.  My hip is not progressing to the healing stage and I am limited as to what I can do.  Actually it is my pace and stamina that are affected.  I have the tendency to zoom around, accomplish as much as possible, and never stop.  Well, I’m still doing that and for the first time in a long time I am beginning to hear my physical body gripe at me a bit.  The hip does not want me to climb stairs.  I did so much stair climbing while I was gone that this really sends me for a loop.  I like running up and down stairs just for the exercise.  Well, it isn’t happening now.

I want to share a secret to all those who are reading this that are under 60.  “When you see someone 80 and watch  how slow and sometimes infirm they are, just remember that they did not get that way all at once.  It was just one little thing at a time.  Then you settle into the pattern that some other part of you no longer works like it’s supposed to, accept it, go on from there and do the best you can.”   Hmmm.  I’m not at the place I want to settle yet.

And where these two previous paragraphs originated from, I have no idea.  Maybe I just needed to complain and that is the last thing I want to do in a blog.  I try my best not to complain.  Sometimes I’m not quite so good at being at my best.  (I wonder if that is part of aging???)

So now to another matter.  It is the matter that made me think of ROUTINE in the first place.  My former routine before I left on my 4 month trip was to get up between 4:30 a.m. and 5:00 a.m., without an alarm, because I was usually in bed by 9:00 p.m.  I love morning time.  I love the dark mornings of winter and the brilliant sunrises in the early mornings of summer.  After doing the bare essentials I would make may way downstairs in the quiet sleeping house and settle in my library chair and stay there as long as my day aloud.  That was my quiet time, my prayer time, my reading time, my thinking time, and my journal writing time.  Since returning home I have not been able to routinely do that, due to all that happened regarding Dave and NILMDTS babies and needing to work on post production photo montages, wedding work, all the fresh foods to work up weekly, then surgery (and of course I used that excuse to sleep in every day), and just too busy of a life.  So I’ve been using my blog to journal and write my poems, my exercise time to listen to sermons and meditate on the Lord in the loud gym, my cooking time to think and pray, and my mandatory rest (which usually doesn’t happen) to read.  But, I didn’t take the quiet time I needed to hear God speak to me.  And I began to feel the loss of those quiet times in my library.  So today I made the commitment that that is not something I can give up whether I have time or not.  Mornings will just need to come earlier for me.

This morning was one of the few times I have taken back that part of my old routine.  And I want it back consistently, and even more importantly, I can’t live without out!  And today was wonderful.  My entire day went differently than I had planned it to go, but it was well worth it.  I had planned to accomplish a lot more but when one plan changes it often has a domino effect about the remaining hours of the day.  So be it.  I refuse to allow myself to become lackadaisical about what is absolutely the most important event in my day, spending time alone and quiet with God.  We had such a wonderful reunion today!  After a time of prayer I realized I was writing a poem in my journal, not realizing it at first.  So I took stock and continued the poem that came to me.  I will write it here.

 

ABIDING IN THE LORD

By Kathleen Martens

August 13, 2014

 

Thank You Father for loving me so.

Thank You for Your favor that I know.

Your lovingkindness draws me close.

 Your abundance of Grace, I need a dose.

 

Thank You for Your patience awaiting my return

To Your ever flowing love I need never earn.

Thank You for giving so freely to me

Your bountiful blessings that are always free.

 

Thank You for drawing my heart’s desires

That I be infused with Your Holy Spirit fires.

Oh to be wrapped in Your warm embrace

Gives me courage for whatever I must face.

 

But most of all, thank You for Your time alone.

A better friend I’ve never known.

You love me enough my conscience to tweak,

And teach me humility and how to be meek.

 

Your grace is plentiful as You guide my way

That I will rise above sin as I go through my day.

Thank You for the directions of my plans

And speaking through love and not by demands.

 

I’ve missed our intimacy these days past.

Time slithers by and is deviously fast.

You are always faithful and so must I be.

It is my decision to make time to be free.

 

Oh how I long for our leisurely walk

In my soul’s garden where I hear You talk.

I am inviting You to come in again,

It’s been a long while and I miss my best friend!

 

Nothing more important than being with You,

So Your love and wisdom I can ensue.

So here I am Father, to receive and to give.

And abiding in You, is where I choose to live.

 

After I received this poem and wrote it down I felt impressed that I was to read I John.  So I did.  And oh my goodness!  It was as if God was confirming everything I wrote in my poem and Heart Sounds, through His scriptures.  I will write them here.

1 John 2:4-6  New King James Version (NKJV)

^“ He who says, “I know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. ⁵ But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him. ⁶ He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked.”

 

1 John 2:15  New King James Version (NKJV)

^“ Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.”

 

1 John 2:27  New King James Version (NKJV)

^“ But the anointing which you have received from Him abides in you, and you do not need that anyone teach you; but as the same anointing teaches you concerning all things, and is true, and is not a lie, and just as it has taught you, you will abide in Him.”

The scripture verses would actually make more sense if I had written down the words I received from the Lord.  If even one person emails me and asks me to share it I will do so tomorrow.  I just don’t know if anyone is interested in hearing the Heart Sounds I believe that God puts in my heart.

I will work on closing this blog with just a few comments about my day.  It is Food Day again since it is Thursday.  Fortunately there were no left over boxes left in my garage and there were not a lot of bulky foods to cram into the fridge.  I fit in what had to be fit in.  I left the melons out to ripen a bit more and that helped with the space.  No major cooking today, just prep work and reheating.  I like those days.

Dave and I went to the gym together this afternoon.  My membership was coming due and Dave decided to join with me.  That was a great event.  Now, hopefully I will be able to continue to do my workouts once I build my strength back up from being off these past two weeks since surgery.  I had my sutures removed yesterday so now I can do what I can do but must build back up to the weights and resistance I was using before I left in March.  Dave is all tidily tucked in bed and that is where I would like to be.

Now that I want to close I think of something to write.  As I was thinking of tomorrow being Friday it brought to mind what Dave and I spoke of this week about how we hope our weeks will go.  I guess this is part of the “routine” being formed.  My desire is to have ALL MY WORK DONE Monday through Thursdays.  Work out Monday through Friday and take Saturday and Sunday off.  When I decided I’d like to try that, I decided I also want to have Friday open for fun things, especially in the summer.  So I see that in a way I am at least thinking about that big R word.  So…my toilets are clean, our sheets are changed, have the guest bed ready for company on Sunday night (our grandsons), the laundry is washed and put away, and I am doing a practice run of what it will be like to have my Friday free except for the gym time.  Only one thing, my free time tomorrow will be in front of my computer in the studio office trying to finish up Photo work.  It’s only after I am free of this work will I really know how it feels to have FREE FRIDAYS and know what it is like to be retired.  I am trying my best to make it happen.

Good night to all of you.  Let me know if you want to hear my Heart Sounds.

 

Wednesday August 12 2015  A DELIGHTFUL SURPRISE

 

I was home alone tonight.  It is Wednesday.  Dave’s night out.  His night out consist of meeting with a man in the capacity of a Stephen Minister.  Both Dave and I have been through the classes to become trained Stephen Ministers.  As a Stephen Minister you meet weekly with a person who is going through a crisis of some kind and needs someone to talk with; people who are going through divorce, or loss of a spouse or child, a terminal illness, or who have lost a job or any other number of personal situations that are difficult to go through alone. Our position as a care giver is to listen. You may have the same person for a few weeks, a few months or even a year or more.  I have had some for just weeks and others for two years because of experiencing another crisis while we were meeting and needed further support.  I believe it is very worthwhile for both the care receiver as well as the care giver.  If you or someone you know is experiencing a loss of some kind perhaps you should check and see if your church or another local church offers Stephen Ministry.  It is all done by trained volunteers so there is no charge.  The training takes about a year depending how frequently the classes are scheduled.  It took us about one year to attend the classes.  It was a lot of dedication and work.

But, back to being home alone.  After being with Dave over the past 7 weeks both day and night, and then to have him absent, leaves a big void.  I sat at the bar in the kitchen and had my dinner alone.  I was amazed at how empty the house is without him.  It made me think of all the time I was gone and  what it must have been like for him.  There is a sadness about a house when it is empty of the only other occupant that lives there.  The soft background noises are gone.  No footsteps or rattling paper or any other common noises the other person makes.  There seems to be a void, a hollowness that prevails when it is only me that inhabits the house.  I’m not the type to get lonely so I guess if I were I would have lonely tonight.  I didn’t have time to be lonely.  I worked non-stop on the wedding album and emails and just started the Blog writing when he walked in at 9:15 p.m.  When Dave arrived home I asked him what it was like to be in the house without me for so many months.  Trying to make me feel bad, he hangs his head and tell me that he came home every night to an empty house.  I asked him what that was like for him.  Then a big wicked grin lights is face and he says, too emphatically, “QUIET”!  And we both laugh.  Just in case you might not know, I do like to talk.  I am trying to corral my words and give him his “quiet time”.  I am so thankful for my husband.  Even when he is quiet.

I had a delightful surprise visited upon me today.  Betts called me last night to inform me that she wanted to come by today with a long-time friend named Amy.  I don’t feel at liberty to tell  you Amy’s story but it is amazing.  Amy is from China.  The minute they arrived I looked at Amy and knew God had just deposited a love in my heart for Amy, someone very special.  She brought her cello in from the car when she came in because she wanted to play it for us.  She has had only three lessons but she has already picked up the basics for playing and has such a wonderfully pitched ear that her songs rang clear and true.  The sound of her cello was deep and mellow and lovely.  I think I could listen to cello music a long time.  We talked, laughed, prayed, listened to her music and heard some of her story.  Betts has known her for years and has always spoken so highly of her when she would come to visit me that I always longed to meet her.  She has had a very difficult life but has overcome some very demanding, challenging, situations.  She is a strong woman.  She is in  her blooming season of life!  Their visit was a desire fulfilled.  Last week when Betts left, my thoughts were, I wish I would see Betts again before she leaves Wisconsin.  God saw that desire and fulfilled it!  My other desire was that I meet Amy.  That too has been fulfilled.  Their visit was the highlight of my day.  I wish I had remembered to ask Amy for her wisdom.  Well, I think I will still have a chance because I intend to contact her again.  She lives about 60 to 75 minutes away.  God is so good to bring such wonderful people into our lives.

As Amy was getting in her car to leave she turned to me and said “I love you from the moment I first saw you when I drove up.”  Those were truly sweet words to say to to me and even more beautiful for me to hear in her soft accent and choice of words.  When God puts a love in my heart for someone like He did today when He gave me a love for Amy, I knew there was a reason.  I don’t know what it is yet, but God always reveals His plan at the perfect time.  It’s special for me to know that Amy felt the same love being tucked inside her heart.

 

MY SONG OF LOVE FOR YOU 

By Kathleen Martens

August 12 2012

 

Lord, clear my head of cobwebs

And clear my eyes of sleep.

Let me reach out and grab

The words You’d have me keep.

 

All the books upon the shelf

Hold not the poem I’ll write.

If I can just stay awake

And these heavy eyelids fight.

 

I thank you for Your fulfillment

Of the desires my heart holds

You seem to always know just when

What words I need be told.

 

Tomorrow’s poem will be different

Than the one I compose tonight

No poem can be written today

That should have been written last night.

 

And tonight’s poem is not tomorrow’s.

If not written today it will never be.

Some do not understand the NOW

And the perfection of the poem NOW sees.

 

For each moment lends its thought

And reckons the heart of PRESENT

The words that are written down

Are the culmination of NOW’S essence.

 

So I will choose to say

What now is in my heart.

I will offer words of love

With the gift of my art.

 

Thank you Lord for giving me

A gift that is each day new,

A simple poem written this hour,

Is my song of love for You.

 

So my wisdom today is:  “Do not put off until tomorrow the words you desire to write tonight.  Because tomorrow the words will not be what you would write tonight.  You will write tomorrow’s words tomorrow for tomorrow will bring new thoughts, new dreams, new ideas.” 

 

Good Night.

Tuesday August 11, 2015 Whimsical Words

 

I am at a loss for words!  It been a long, long day.  I just asked the Lord to give me the words He would have me write this day to share with others.  I truly am at a loss for words.

This day started as usual, lots on my agenda, places I had to be, exercise, wedding design, (that was my main plan) and one phone call later and my day is gone.

Kia (which I drive) had recall notice for my year of car.  The undercarriages were rusting and we were required to bring them into the dealership and have them undercoated with a black, sticky, tar-like substance.  That was first on my list at 9:00 a.m.  I was able to do some shopping at a hardware store on the way so I at least accomplished one thing on my list.  Then I dropped off the car, which would take about 90 minutes to do.  I asked the shuttle service to drop me off at the gym, planning to have them pick me up the same place.  The technician called to inform me that my car had some additional work that needed to be done so it was going to take 3 hours.  The shuttle would not be able to pick me up for quite some time so I called Dave to come and take me home.  He did.

As soon as I arrived home I received a phone call from a Children’s Hospital with a newborn baby that would be taken off life support and asked for my photographic service.  They called me back later to say they were ready.  I didn’t have a car but Dave said to take his.  I thought I’d be home in time to have the shuttle come and pick me up and take me back to the dealership.  WRONG!  I arrived at the hospital early afternoon and did not leave until almost 6:00 p.m.  The baby was still on life support when I left.  He was basically breathing on the respirator with a pacemaker stimulating his heart.  He lived like that for 6 weeks.  My heart was just torn out to see the grief, especially that of the father.  It is much easier to handle a situation like that for an hour or so, but after so many hours my heart just feels the pain so deeply.  I think about the fact that the parents have lived it for the past 6 weeks, not just a few hours.  I had to leave so I could get to the car dealership so I could check my car out of the service department before they closed because I have a doctor appointment in the morning to have my sutures removed so I needed to pick up the car tonight.  It was 7:00 p.m. or later before I arrived home.  Then Dave got in his car, and I drove us back to the dealership (about an hour round trip) to retrieve my car.  Then we had dinner and now I am here.  I did a lot of praying while at the hospital to get through this day.  No matter how many babies I take photos of, it is never easy!  God gives me peace and assurance that the babies are with him, but it is the grief of the parents that is so sad to me.

I had an emergency C-section with my son who was two months early.  I will never forget awakening from anesthesia (yes, I had to be put under because of convulsing) and looking into Dave’s sorrowful eyes as he told me our son was not expected to make it through the night.  I closed my eyes, shut out the world, and fell back into the anesthesia’s deep place of darkness.  We had our own days of pain, anxiety, and for me, deep sad depression and anger toward God.  That was truly a deep valley that I went through at that time.  When I was deposited at home eight days later I was so sick and depressed that I could only minimally function.  Our son had been transferred immediately to a Children’s Hospital after birth and I was left languishing in the hospital where he had been born.  Noise and interruptions constantly around me as I was in a room with 3 other beds, 3 newborn babies, and this happened with a total of 12 healthy newborns going through the hospital room while I was hospitalized.  On the day of my release Dave picked me up, dropped me off at home and had to leave immediately.  I was home alone in the silence with no baby to hold. Dave had already missed so much work he had to go back to work the day he dropped me off at home.  I could barely get out of bed.  I was a wreck.  We had no family in southern California where we lived at the time.  Later that day, alone, angry at God, I  cried and screamed and railed at God asking him how he could allow this to happen.  Why?  I just could not accept the fact that I could possibly lose our son.  How could God do that to me?  I knew this would be the only pregnancy I could have and now I would not even have a baby after going through such a difficult pregnancy for 7 months.  Even today I cannot express in words how deep was my pain and how deeply I was wounded.  That day had a great impact on me for the rest of my life.  After my sobbing was spent, my body exhausted, I just stood alone in an empty house and something came over me that was so profound.  All of a sudden I had a glimpse of what it must have been like for God to see His Son die upon the cross.  I remember asking God, “God, is this how you felt when you gave your Son to die on the cross for the sins of the world?”  It was an agony I could not describe that came from my inmost being.  I felt so humbled and unworthy to think that I had just railed at God believing that He did not know how I felt or He would not allow me to go through it.  I then spoke out loud again to God, “Lord, I would have rather have known my baby these past seven months living inside me than to not ever have known him at all.  Thank you God for the beautiful experience of the creation of life and I give my son back  to You now.”   And in my heart I did just that.

A lot of years have passed since our son was born.  The words may not be verbatim, but they are what I remember my meaning being.   I went to bed exhausted.  The depression left me that day and my joy returned.  I was still weak, recovering from a physically stressful pregnancy.  Later in the evening I received a call from NICU.  This is the first thing the nurse said after identifying herself, “We don’t know what happened…” (And my heart knew that our son had died) “…but your son has made a 180 degree about face.  His kidneys are functioning, we have taken him off oxygen, his color is good, his blood work show his infection is improving…”  She said much more, but I was just so ecstatic with the news that I don’t think I heard much more.  He still had some difficult days ahead but from that moment on I knew that God had given him back to me.  On the same day I turned him over to God, God looked into my deep sorrow and restored our son to us.  To me, it was truly a miracle!

This experience was one of those pivotal moments in my life that changed the course of my direction. I could not do today what I do with Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, if I had not gone through that experience.  My son lived but I suffered his death many times over. Because of this experience God has given me a heart of compassion for parents for the parents who are going through one of the greatest sorrows a parent can face, that of losing their precious child.

I look back over my life and see how God paved the way for me to go through doors today that I would never have gone through had He not prepared me for it years ago.

Isaiah 61:3 (NIV)

“…to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor.”

 

Romans 8: (NIV)

^“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

 

Genesis 50:20 (NIV) 

^“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done…”

 

I have shared this story over the years with many.  I do hope I have not already written the entire story before in this blog.  If you have read this story, thank you for listening to my heart.  I do not suffer over and over for God’s healing in my life is complete.  It is now my compassion that rises to the surface to help those who are going through a similar circumstance.  My sorrow is for their pain as they are going through during this excruciating time in their lives.

 

I do not share my NILMDTS experiences with Dave.  His heart is still too tender to be reminded of what he experienced personally during this time of our lives to hear any stories.  So I keep it to myself for the most part.  It is a relief to me to write it out.

 

I have written many poems for many little babies who are now in heaven.  Tonight I choose to write something different.  I just have to think of what it will be.

 

WHIMISICAL WORDS

By Kathleen Martens

Aug 11 2015

 

What thoughts do I share

When the hour is late.

My mind is tired

And sleep is my fate?

 

How do I come up with

Something each night

To write as a poem

As sleep I fight?

 

I ask that questions

And words just come

Floating through the air

Just having fun.

 

I pluck each one

Right out of the sky

And smack it on paper

Before it dies.

 

And before long

They all make sense,

…Or maybe not…

If it sounds too dense.

 

Good night.

 

It is time for bed!