Monday August 29 2016  A PICTURE INTO THE PAST: GRACIE CEVOLA

Many of my grandparent’s children were either called by their middle name from birth, or chose to be called by their middle name at a later date in their lives.  I wonder why Gracie never chose to do so.

I called Gracie on the phone a few minutes ago.  Since I had spoken with a few others about her I decided to also give her a call.  It is difficult for me to realize that she is approaching 80 years of age.  I asked her how she was doing and how her husband Bob was doing.  She quipped back quickly with such fervency in her voice, “I don’t think I could live without him!  HE IS MY HEART!”  The way she said it; it made my heart melt!  I could hear her depth of feeling and the true love she has for that man who has stayed by her side these past 61 years.  And before I go any further I want to share a few things about Bob.  My facts are scant but it will make you realize what an man awesome he truly is. 

Bob was born in Southern Missouri close to Willow Springs.  He was born into a back woods family who did not hold education dear.  Bob went to school until the 4^th grade.  By age 4 he was scrapping for food wherever he could find get it.  Gracie said he would forage in other people’s gardens in order to feed himself.  His mother never stuck around long enough for him to get to know her.  Therefore his father raised Bob and his two sisters.  

Bob joined the Navy at an early age.  He made it to the top position as Senior Food Service and Senior Baker.  He was deployed many times and served on ships and at Naval Bases throughout his career.  

Each recipe card in his file was for 100 servings however, at times he cooked for up to 6,000 service men and he had to proportionately increase the recipe for the number he was serving.  By the time he retired he had 50 cooks and 200 mess men working under his supervision. 

I remember years later Bob reading from that recipe book and creating some of those recipes for 10 or 12 people.  His ratios were always right on.  He made the best donuts and cinnamon buns in the world!  He served on active duty for twenty years and was in the reserves for another ten years.  His last tour of duty was Naval Base Great Lakes in Chicago.

Bob could cuss like a sailor and I was told he did, until he met and married Gracie, who had an infant son at the time.  When he spewed his language in front of the child the first time Aunt Gracie pointed her finger at him, and in no uncertain terms, told him he would NEVER be allowed to use those words in front of her son again!  She said he never did.

Bob was, and still is, contrary, quick witted, and vocal.  When I was on the phone with Gracie this morning I could hear him in the background.  Listening to the two of them together is like living in the midst of a sitcom!  You can’t help but laugh, but in the same instant you realize they are sincere in how they banter, and their bickering is what puts a bit of spice in their life.  Their love for each other seems to reach deeper, just as it seems more powerful, than other couples I know.  I believed the words Gracie spoke when she said she didn’t think she could live without him.  And I think it is true for him too. 

My beloved Aunt Gracie; so much I could say about her.  I talked to some of her sisters recently and picked their brains for their memories of her.  My one and only Aunt Annie told me that Gracie was a child of endearment.  She was bright and talkative and curious, and life held excitement for her.  She wanted to learn and explore and converse.  She was described as a wisp of a child, with dark mesmerizing brown/black eyes, and long, thick, straw colored hair.  But she had one thing against her.  She was born to her Papa. 

She personally shared with me about some of the beatings she received as a child.  She told me about one incident when her Papa kicked her across the length of their kitchen floor.  She cried and cried and her mama told her to hush because she wasn’t hurt that bad.  She said she wasn’t crying because she was hurting, she was crying because she didn’t know why her Papa would kick her.  Her mama told her she was in the way.  And Gracie told me, “I didn’t hear him come up behind me.  He just kicked me hard instead of asking me to move.  That was what hurt so bad.”  Her Papa was a giant of a man.  He was a farmer who walked behind a horse or mule to till the land. He was a strong and formidable foe to a little wisp of a girl.  All her life Gracie has always looked like a big gust of wind would just take her to Kansas.

Gracie confided in me that somehow all except one child survived their Papa’s beatings.  She went on to say that she probably received a few beatings because she needed them, others even when she didn’t, and still others because she was so hungry for attention.  She had such a desire for someone to notice her that she was willing to get punished to receive that attention.  She once asked her mother if she loved her.  My grandma’s response to her was, “I love all my chill’ins”.  Gracie told me she just longed to be loved for being who she was.  She needed personal love.  And she searched until she found it.

From what I’ve been told, most of the girls married to get away from home.  I believe Gracie was 13 or 14 years old when she married.  She married a young man by the name of Raymond Eugene.  She had at last found someone to love her for who she was.  I believe she had a baby within the year and named him Dale.  When Dale was eight months old Gracie’s husband drown and she found herself in the predicament of being a widow without financial support.  Her younger sister Georgia’s fiancé also drown in the same boating accident.  It was a devastating time for all those involved.

Georgia still lived at home and Gracie moved back in as well.  Things were not going well with Papa in charge and Georgia went to Florida to stay with their brother Montgomery and his wife.  Gracie followed a short time later due to the stress filled home-life in Arkansas.  Gracie had planned to stay a bit longer with her parents so she could celebrate mother’s day with her mother.  However, she was informed that Eugene’s parents planned to kidnap Dale, and leave town with him.  She took the midnight train to Florida that night to escape the abduction of her son.  She was not able to stay for the Sunday celebration.

Georgia had already met some friends and introduced Gracie to a young sailor.  Gracie’s husband had died in March and in November of that same year she married her sailor man.  This year they will celebrate their 61^st Anniversary!

In 2013 Bob fell off a ladder from 14 feet high when it collapsed while he was topping a tree.  This fall changed his life.  He spent many months in a wheel chair with a broken hip and a crushed right leg.  He also broke a wrist.  Up until then, this extraordinary man in his eighties was taking care of their small farm and spring fed lake on their property.  He is limited now in what he can do.

When I go visit Bob and Gracie it is like walking back in time.  His property is beautiful and peaceful.  Their home is an older farmhouse with an unbelievable view.  Bob always cared for his land and was a great gardener and all around maintenance man.  The last time I saw Bob and Gracie was last year when I was on my long road trip.  My aim was to stop by and see all my family on the route I was traveling so I could once again visit with them and express my love and appreciation for what they mean to me in my life.  Each contact I made is a cherished memory for me.

Bob and Gracie’s oldest son Dale (adopted by Bob when Gracie and Bob married), died a few years ago from cancer.  Bob and Gracie had two more children and named them Sheila and John.  John is now 48 years old and has a two year old son.  He also has a daughter that was born to his wife in a previous marriage.  Gracie and Bob also have two other grandsons that are Dale’s sons.  Sheila did not have children.

When I talked to Aunt Gracie today she was alert, remembered me, and still has that charisma and fire in her passionate soul.  Her memory is declining but she is the same LOVABLE person she has always been.  And again, tears whelm in my eyes as I think about the beloved people in my life in whose footsteps I follow.  Gracie was always so gracious and kind to me even when I was a young child.  Though we are not very many years apart Gracie had to grow up a lot earlier than I did.  When she was fifteen she was a mother and all grown up in my eyes.  I was fortunate enough to go to high school, go to college, worked and supported myself, lived away from home by choice, and then met and married the man with whom I had fallen in love.  I did not need to marry out of desperation to get away from home as did my mother’s generation.  I often times wondered if my sisters did the same.  

There are still some things I want to comment about before I close.  One is that Gracie was extremely talented in both singing and acting.  She seemed to always have a song in her heart that escaped through her clear soprano voice.  I suppose it just came natural to her because I remember her songs from my earliest memories of her.  And secondly, she always felt passionate about life.  She had a tender heart and it was often bruised and painful due to life’s circumstances.

I always felt a connection between us even when I was five years old.  She talked to me like I mattered and gave me attention that I never received from my mother or most of my sisters.  She confirmed to me today that the reason she treated me so special was that she could see I had the same needs as she did.  We were both tail end children of a large family whose parents did not know how to give the little ones the attention they needed.  Love was not a commodity to be discussed or dispersed.  I had always wondered if my mother loved me and so wanted to hear her say it.  When I told mama I loved her, she would always respond with, “Me too” or “Okay”.  When I was five years old I had my first understanding of knowledge that there was a God that truly loved me.  From that point on I became closer and closer to the God who loved me for who I was.  And I knew mama loved God too.  What made me feel better was that I realized mama did know how to love because I knew she loved God a whole lot.  After that I never doubted again that she loved me, somehow I just knew she didn’t know how to  say it.  But remember, if you have read past blogs you may remember me telling you that I did teach her how to say “I love you” before she died.  After that she always said goodbye with an “I LOVE YOU” included.  And I still cherish having heard those words come from her.

REMEMBER TO TELL THOSE YOU LOVE THE SIMPLE, SPECIAL WORDS, “I LOVE YOU”.  AND FOLLOW THOSE WORDS WITH A BIG HUG!

Dear Aunt Gracie: 

I love you dearly and I hope I have shared your story so others will know what a truly special and amazing woman you are.  The details of your life would create a thick book so there is no way I can do justice to you or any of my aunts and uncles in these short (over-long blog) compositions.

Thank You so much for sharing your heart felt thoughts, your history, and the tidbits you told me about your sisters who I’ve yet to write about.  And I especially enjoyed our “over the phone hug” today.  I could just imagine your frail little body wrapped within my arms.  I felt your hug go all the way into my heart.  Thanks too for all the special memories we have made over the years.  Memories that may have faded a bit, but for the little girl I was, they still mean a great deal to me.  Bob, I love you too.  I especially love you for loving my Aunt Gracie so very much.  Like she said, keep living, because she doesn’t think she could go on without you!  Remember, your hearts beat as one!

Below is Gracie Cevola’s biography I wrote for our 2011 Family Reunion:

 

Gracie Cevola

Born 1937

 

Married: 

Raymond Eugene

Robert “Bob–her handsome sailor”

 

Children

 

Raymond “Dale”

Sheila Lorraine

John Keith

“What must first be said about Gracie Cevola is that SHE IS BIGGER THAN LIFE!  You are the heartbeat of fun and laughter.  Even though you are at a “mature age” in years, your spirit has forever remained the inquisitive, mischievous, stinker you have been since you were a little girl.  God just made you that way because He knew that our family needed some laughter and fun in our existence!  The spark of life that shines from your soul has always been a beacon of light to others in our family. 

Gracie we know you have had your share of difficult situations in your life to face.  Each time with God’s help, you have become the victor.  Gracie, you are the part of this family that sparkles!  Your bubbly personality is so infectious that it just draws people to you.  Your sense of humor brings smiles to so many faces.  Your candid remarks touch hearts with both laughter and seriousness.  You are such an amazing woman! 

Gracie was first and foremost a homemaker when her children were young.  Later she worked as a telephone operator in “plug in days”.  Then she worked for Wal-Mart and her last 15 years in the workforce was as a Bank Teller.  Now she just sits around all day admiring her handsome sailor.

Gracie, as with all your brothers and sisters you have been blessed with many talents.  The greatest may be your wonderful gift of GAB!  Though, you do not own the monopoly on that gift in this family.  You just happen to be the best at it.  Those of us who have had the chance to see you act in the theater know that you are an academy award winning performer!  What a great talent in acting you have.  Your vocal talent is also a treasure to our family.  And even though you have experienced deep sorrow in your life, you have been given a very special and unique gift; the gift of giving joy to others.  You are a joy giver!  And we are so blessed that you are part of this clan.  How can we even begin to tell you how special you are?”

 

Gracie’s Poem from 2011:

Gracie Cevola 

November 29, 1937

 

YOU ARE TREASURED MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW

Kathleen Martens

April 3, 2011

 

The heartbeat of laughter,

A beautiful little girl.

She had to keep so quiet,

The hardest thing in the world.

 

But she survived to adulthood,

A mother when not quite grown.

She had a hard road to climb

Through it all God’s love shone.

 

Her spark of life returned

After struggles and sorrows,

To give joy to her family,

And brighten all their tomorrows.

 

No other sister so endearing,

As she was as a little girl.

Her sparkle of life contagious,

She’ll give your heart a whirl.

 

Bigger than life and so much fun,

And such a charming smile.

You can hear it when she talks,

On the phone across the miles.

 

When we tell her she is special,

She seems to disbelieve.

If only she could know her worth,

Our heaps of love she’d receive.

 

So we take the opportunity to say

 “WE LOVE YOU WITHOUT MEASURE”.

In our family you’ve always been

“OUR RAREST, MOST SPECIAL TREASURE.”

 

“GRACIE’S FIRST PLACE AWARD WAS FOR:

ACTING AND THE VOICE OF AN ANGEL

WE WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU FOR YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR AND BRINGING JOY AND LAUGHTER WHEREVER YOU GO.

YOU ARE TREASURED MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW”

The above poem speaks my sentiment!

Following is today’s poem:

 

THREE LITTLE WORDS

By Kathleen Martens

August 29, 2016

 

This journey I’m on

As truth I seek,

Seems to cause

My eyes to leak.

 

To hear voices

I’ve loved so long

Of family members

To whom I belong,

 

What a joy it is

That fills my heart

To understand fully

The family I’m a part.

 

A part of the whole

With love stirred in

And within my family

I have many friends.

 

Love not expressed easily

With words hard to say,

To tell others of affection

So many delayed.

 

But as an old woman

I heard my mother speak

The words “I love you”,

As she kissed my cheek.

 

And even my aunts

And my uncles too

I’ve heard them declared

Those three words so few.

 

Three little words

So easily spoken

Took many years to say

From hearts that were broken.

 

But now they are heard

For I declare to all,

AND SAY I LOVE YOU

Whenever I call!

 

And I hear them back,

In sweet tender sound,

Because hearts have mended

And the words now found.

 

God, thank You for my family.

God thank You for the love You made real to a five year old little girl so many years ago.

Thank You God that I chose to say “I love you” to my children each day.

Thank You so much for my dear Aunt Gracie and Uncle Bob.

Thank You that I always knew I was loved by my sister Velma.

Thank You for cucumbers.

 

HAVE A GREAT AFTERNOON.

GOD BLESS YOU.