Tuesday August 23 2016  A PICTURE INTO THE PAST: JOHN MARK

Another favorite Uncle!  If I am to be totally candid I would say that Uncle John was the uncle I was closest to as a young child.  He was younger than my other uncles and so to a kid he was fun loving and adventuresome.  He was the little boy who was so brutally whipped by his father.  His big brother Buddy, who was about 12 years old at the time, tried to intervene for his younger brother who was being severely thrashed.  That would have made John about two years old.  That is the incident I wrote about Buddy’s biography telling about the time his father then turned on Buddy by chasing him with a gun.  Would he have really shot him?  He had already caused the death of one three year old daughter, so who is to say what might have happened.  I’m just glad Uncle Buddy fled, grandma later hid the rifle at a neighbor’s house, and little Johnny survived.

John came to California with quite a resume.  He knew how to pick peaches, pick cotton, and cut down trees  .  He also knew how to ride a horse.  He was once working with a wild horse and had the rope wound around his hand.  As the horse took off the rope became snared on one of his fingers and his digital finger was ever after missing.  That was an amazing happenstance to us younger kids.

I do not know what year John first married.  He served in the United States Air Force from 1954 to 1958.  I believe he was married while still in the service.  That was a question I forgot to ask his son.  John and his wife Jean lived in Hayward, California and had three young children during their years there.  I attended my first two years at a college close to their home.  A couple of days a week I had a long gap between classes and since I lived further away I would go to their home and spend time with Aunt Jean and the kids.  Jean suffered with severe migraine headaches and I would go over and often just help her deal with the household chores.  I loved going there.  I love Jean and all the children.  John was rarely there due to working but I had a great time becoming better acquainted with Jean “as an adult”.  John and Jean later divorced but I never lost my love for my Aunt Jean and their three children. 

I think John was a favorite among many of his nieces and nephews.  He knew that our family did not have much money to spend and he made certain to ask us to go to the lake with his family on occasion.  I usually went alone, as my older sisters were all married, and my younger sister too young.  John and his family camped quite a bit and if it hadn’t been for him and my Aunt Estell and Uncle Horace’s family I would not have had the thrill of camping as a child.  I LOVED IT!  Uncle John taught me how to water ski when I was about 10 or 12 years old.  I later found out that he taught all of us cousins how to ski.  He was always so great to be around.  He was a great role model for me.

Over the course of the following years John married Lynn, was divorced, remarried to her, and divorced again.  There were years that John struggled through problems related to alcohol.  He again remarried and had another wonderful wife for many years.  Peggy died and it broke John’s heart.  I believe he was a member of Alcoholic Anonymous by this time and once he became sober he was sober the last 23 years of his life.  He married a lovely woman named Jeanette and I was fortunate to have several opportunities to be around her and get to know her better than I had known Lynn or Peggy.  When John loved, he loved deeply.  I know he loved each woman he married and suffered great loss regardless the reason for their final separation. 

John was retired for many years due to having worked with pollutants most of his life.  He was a drywall expert and worked with asbestos, was contaminated by breathing lead paint fumes and paint dust, and had several other kinds of exposures over the years.  He especially suffered with pollutants while in the military service.  He died of respiratory disease. 

During the last 23 years of his life he gave his heart to working with Alcoholics Anonymous.  At John’s memorial service it became apparent just how much John had done for other people during his years of sobriety.  He was matched with many people to mentor and to encourage.  If one of his “friends” called, regardless the time, or where his friend was, John would go.  He sometimes traveled hundreds of miles to pick them up in their distress and inebriated state.  His son Steven said the memorial service was packed to over capacity and there were so many stories told to him about how his father had saved their lives. 

John would get up in the morning, make a pot of coffee, take out of his shirt pocket a small sized notebook tablet with lists and lists of names of those he was helping in AA.  He would then drink his POT OF COFFEE over the course of an hour or so and pray for every single name on that list.  That story brought tears to my eyes when Steven told it to me and now as I write it, the tears are once again stinging my eyes.  I wish I could paint a clear picture for you of the kind of heart John had.  He had a spirit of gentleness, kindness, and compassion.  I don’t know what he was like when he was under the influence of alcohol but I knew who he truly was deep down inside.  And he was loved by so many.

John’s FIRST PLACE AWARD CERTIFICATE that was given to him posthumously at the family reunion in 2011 reads as follows:

“First Place Award for: STRENGTH AND COURAGE TO BE A MAN OF GOD.  WE WILL ALSO REMEMBER JOHN AS A COMFORTER TO OTHERS.  HE WAS A TRUE GENTLEMAN, GENEROUS AND KIND IN SPIRIT.”

This is what his children had to say about him: “HE WAS HIS CHILDREN’S BEST FRIEND!”

Following is the biography I wrote for John for the reunion presentation.

 

John Mark

1935 – 2009

 

Married:

Jean

Lynn

Peggy

Jeanette

 

Children:

Steven

Jennifer  

Bruce  

A loving and gentle man.  What better words could describe our dear Uncle John?  John is remembered for so many things.  He was easy going, agreeable, easy to get along with, and had the patience of a saint.  He was a gentleman at heart, and devoted to his family.  His heart’s desire was that his children would never know abuse as he had.  Instead of abuse he gave comfort to those who came to him.  He was an advisor to many.  He was a man of honor and a best friend to his children.  His children remember him for his courage and his strength to be a man of God. 

John struggled at times during his life.  Yet, he was able to overcome some of the greatest strongholds a man can fight.  He dedicated his life to Alcoholics Anonymous after he became sober. He was sober the last 23 years of his life.  He was a strong tower to those who fought the same fight he fought; the fight to regain his life.  With perseverance, and the strength of God, HE WON! 

We salute you John for your service in the United States Air Force from 1954 to 1958.  He worked in the surgical units of hospitals.  Thank you for the years you so proudly wore the uniform of our beloved country.  John worked as a drywall contractor for most of his career.

John will be remembered for his love of music, fishing and camping and his love of the great outdoors.  I don’t think there were many in my generation that he did not take camping and teach to water ski.  Great memories of a great time!

One of his children has recently been quoted as saying: “He will be remembered for the way he loved his children.”

The following is the poem that was written for John in 2011:

 

HIS CHILDRENS’ BEST FRIEND

Kathleen Martens

April 3, 2011

 

He fought his battles hard and victor for 23 years.

Life not always easy, he shed a lot of tears.

Through his life he persevered,

And for what he accomplished, he was revered.

 

A loving man, gentle and strong.

In the eyes of some he could do no wrong.

He overcame a stronghold; the toughest a man can fight.

For the rest of his life he tried to make things right.

 

To some he offered comfort, holding out his heart.

To many like him, a new life he helped start.

His courage remembered, he was a man of God

A best friend to his children, while he traveled this sod.

 

God gave him a gentle spirit, and patience of a saint,

His love went out to all, no one did he hate.

He loved his music, loved to sing.

So much joy to others he’d bring.

 

The Great Outdoors! Oh how he loved God’s beautiful land!

That’s where he would go, and in God’s beauty he would stand.

To be sober was his great quest,

But loving his children, is what he did best!

 

John came out of a difficult childhood, he survived with the help of family and friends, served our country, worked hard all his life, loved his children and experienced the love of several wonderful women through his life.  John persevered, found refuge and strength in God, helped so many others succeed in their quest for sobriety and will live forever in my heart as the gentle, kind, and loving person I knew as a child and adult.  He made my life brighter and brought me much joy.  Thank you for reading this story about my dear Uncle John.  And best of all, John has three wonderful offspring to carry on his legacy of love.  Though our roads have carried us many miles apart over the years I so dearly love John’s children; Steven, Jennifer, and Bruce. 

Though my extended family is scattered across this great country, each and every person has a special place in my heart.  I cherish the memories of our past when we lived closer together while growing up.

 

EVERYONE HAS A STORY

By Kathleen Martens

August 23, 2016

 

Who knew the emotions

This simple trek would take?

I didn’t know a simple blog

So many tears could make.

 

I sometimes wonder is it awkward

With strangers to share,

Stories of my family

For whom I deeply care?

 

And perhaps to many

My story best left unread,

But through my personal sharing,

My spirit is being fed.

 

We often take no time

To think about another,

And so soon their life is gone,

Aunts, and Uncles, and Mothers.

 

And there are words

Forever left unsaid,

A heart full of things to say

But your loved one now is dead.

 

I want to share memories

To my children and beyond.

To bring the truth into light,

Sharing stories of which I’m fond.

 

Do not wait to give a hug

Or say words that should be heard.

Give your heart to those you love

With kind and gentle words.

 

Leave behind a legacy

Of compassion, love, and grace.

Look into the eyes of your children

And gently caress their face.

 

Never ever be ashamed

Because you love and shed a tear.

Every day you create a story

Which others someday might hear.

 

Thank You Lord for giving Uncle John to our family.

Thank You for this time of reflection.

Thank You for the joy of having had so many wonderful relatives in my life.

Thank You for those who may someday read the stories about those I love.

 

HAVE A GREAT AND WONDERFUL DAY!  YEAH!  I AM PUBLISHING EARLY!

GOD BLESS YOU.