Thursday August 11 2016  A PICTURE INTO THE PAST: ARVIL EDWARD “BUDDY”

Not only am I giving my readers a glimpse into the past, but I am gaining new insights into the past.  My Aunt Annie has been so helpful in answering questions and sharing her memories of times before I was born, or too young to remember.  It has helped me see a more complete picture of who my aunts and uncles were way back then.

My Aunt is a retired nurse and published author, lives in a retirement center, and is usually too busy to talk on the phone.  I guess retirement isn’t what it’s cracked up to be.  I thought retirement would be a time of leisure and relaxation.  Now that I’ve had a taste of retirement I find that most retirees are even busier than they were before they retired.   I know for a fact that I have never been busier in my life and it still seems like I am treading water when I see what I have accomplished thus far.  Oh well, that’s life!

Today I am going to look back into the pictures of the past and introduce my readers to the first born son in my mother’s family.  His name is Arvil Edward and all the cousins always knew him as Uncle Buddy.  Uncle Buddy is now 91 years old, of sound mind, but hard of hearing.  He too was raised in cruel circumstances just as his siblings were.  According to his younger sister Annie, he has always been kind at heart, sensitive, compassionate, and caring; especially toward his siblings who were so cruelly treated.  She told me stories where Buddy stuck up for his little sisters and brothers and on one occasion had to pretty much run for his life.  After that incident grandma took their rifle off the premise and had someone else house it for them.  It was a frightening time for the little children. 

Some may wonder why I am sharing these stories about my grandfather.  I know he was the father of my mother and all her siblings, and the children were taught to honor their father and mother.  Like I said before many will not speak about his behavior.  If we are to understand who and why our aunts and uncles are who they are, it is necessary to know about their past.  Often times abusive behavior is passed down from one generation to the next.  To my knowledge I don’t believe any of my grandfather’s offspring were physically cruel to their children.  I believe they knew instead how they would not parent.  It wasn’t to say that my siblings and I didn’t get spankings with a switch from my mom, but I don’t ever remember seeing my mom or any of her siblings in a rage.  When I look back now I realize mama didn’t have all the sophisticated knowledge that is at our finger tips in this “modern day era”, but rather the instinctual behavior mothers have with their offspring.  She loved her children.  She did the best she knew how with her limited scope of knowledge and understanding.  Times were hard.  Food was scarce.  Time was so limited that to even spend “quality” time with your children was unheard of. When my parents lived in Arkansas mothers often picked cotton in the fields, grew food for the family, canned and preserved what they grew, fixed all the meals, cut wood for the woodstove, did laundry on a scrub board and had three or four babies underfoot at any one time and probably pregnant.

And for the three sons in my mother’s family, who was their role model?  What were they being taught?  How would they be ready to meet the world head on?

Uncle Buddy was taken out of school after the fifth grade in order to work on the farm.  Even with his limited education he later became an avid reader, devouring book after book.  My heart smiled when I realized that little nugget of gold in him.  The desire for learning and experiences never died in that little boy; instead he waited until the time was right to enjoy what he missed so many years before.

The biography synopsis I wrote for him in 2011 covers some of the pertinent facts in his life and I won’t repeat them here.  Rather I want to tell you how I viewed Uncle Buddy.  He was different to me.  He was like a gentle giant.  He seemed so tall and straight.  He always looked nice when I saw him and I noticed a gentleness in him that was different from the other men in my life.  Yes, he was a hard worker, had grease under his fingernails at times, and might have even needed deodorant a time or two, but he was special in my heart.  Actually I was a little afraid of him.  I thought he was rich.  After all he and his wife had a beautiful home and beautiful furniture and his wife was pretty and always dressed so nice.  I admired that.  It was certainly more than we were accustomed to since we lived in the projects and had bare bone necessities.

The thing that amazed me most about him was that he was the first man I was ever around that picked up his newborn baby and held him so tenderly.  I had never seen a man do that.  And Uncle Buddy, in my eyes, was tall and stately and commanding.  After all he had served in World War II.  I now realize that he carried himself like a military man.  But even as a big strong man, the love that shined in his eyes as he looked at his baby son caught me off guard.  He had only one child and the love for his son never once waned.  I do not know how he treated his son when other people were not around but I do know that his son grew up to be a man of integrity just like his father.  Uncle Buddy seemed to know how he didn’t want to parent.  I would venture to say that he never beat his child.

As I aged I realized that Uncle Buddy was a man of integrity.  He was the backbone of the family. He dearly loved his wife. He loved his son and was so good to all of the extended family.   All the siblings who lived in close proximity were always very close and supportive of each other.  It is truly amazing to see how the network of a family came together during the hard times in which so many lived.  The story of each sibling is so different, yet so connected.  And through it all, none turned their back on their father as he aged and became vulnerable.  And all had a great unending love for their mama.  And like grandma said, God was so good to her to let her outlive her husband so she could have some good years.  She had 14 good years!  And she deserved every one of them. 

I will share a story that Annie told me tonight about what happened at the end of World War II that may be unknown to the family.  When Buddy was coming home from the service he worked for the motor pool.  The atomic bomb had just been dropped a few days earlier.  Buddy was put on duty to change the huge tires of vehicles with his bare hands that had just driven through all the atomic fallout from the bomb dropped on Nagasaki on August 9, 1945.  The dust and dirt he handled affected him for the rest of his life.  His hands were never the same after that and continually chaffed and cracked terribly from that time on.  He was never compensated by the government for the damage done to his hands which causes him so much pain and distress.

When Buddy left for the war Grandpa made him sign a paper so that a stipend from Buddy’s check would be sent to the family.  Annie thought it was $37.50 per month.  Annie told me that because of that money they were able to feed the children those years Buddy was gone.  And I believe it was Buddy who came home and then helped out financially to buy a farm for his parents.  Grandma and Grandpa lived on that farm until they died. What a son!

“BIOGRAPHY BELOW WRITTEN IN 2011

Arvil Edward “Buddy”  Born 1925

Wife:  Wilma Sue

Son: Nathan Edward

Finally, after 4 daughters a son was born; Buddy, the first born son of William Ellis and Gracie Rittie .  And creativity did not stop with the daughters.  Before retirement Buddy was a self employed mechanic that worked on appliances as well as other motors.  He was innovative and creative when it came to figuring out how to make something work.  He was also very analytical, according to his son Nathan.

Uncle Buddy you have been the dependable backbone in this family, available to your sisters and brothers when it came to helping out and “fixing” anything from cars, appliances, plumbing, you name it, we could depend on you for rescue.  Your strong family ties and strong work ethic is to be admired.   In addition to being dependable, words used to describe you are hardworking, frugal, analytical and creative.

Uncle Buddy served in the US Navy for two tours.  These dates are approximate but thought to be from July 1943 through December 1945. He served in 1^st Seabees of U.S. Navy Construction Battalion.  His second tour was from 1948 through 1953, also in the US Navy, serving on the USS Valley Forge Air Craft Carrier during the Korean War.

Buddy has a great love for books and he is constantly reading.  We must be related!  He also enjoys woodworking.

Uncle Buddy we salute your valor for serving our Country.  Thank you for fighting for our freedom with your life.  We honor you for your righteous living and setting a Godly example for our family.  We love you!

You are remembered for your amazing love of your country, your family, and God.  You are a man of integrity.”

 

POEM WRITTEN FOR UNCLE BUDDY:

Just One Word

Kathleen Martens

September 9, 2010

 

An unimpaired condition,

Complete & whole.

Strength & Soundness.

Is it a chair or a soul?

When you add honesty

Responsibility and sincerity,

You now have

A definition of clarity

That you speak of a man

With Character unending

Who shows fairness & justice

All without rending.

He is genuine, honest,

Fair and upright.

A man of scruples,

Not many in sight.

He is sincere and natural,

Shows truth and worth.

He has straight forwardness and candor

Sprinkled with mirth.

 

A man with self respect

Who holds fidelity high,

For he values moral strength

And he does not lie.

He is strong in his faith,

Does what is right.

He is principled and true

And keeps virtue insight.

He owns confidence and soundness,

Trustworthiness and morality,

 

And his faithfulness

He displays with probity.

He shows frankness and openness

And speaks no wrath.

He has reliability

And finishes his task.

 

He has respectability

With a conscience to guide,

And to God Almighty

He daily confides.

He is conscientious,

Leaves no stone unturned.

All his values,

Through the “Good Book” learned.

He has courage to stand

For what he believes,

And all of his character

Others perceive.

 

What best describes him?

Is just one word…

 

“INTEGRITY”

 

Is how his actions are heard.

 

INTEGRITY—what you do

When no one else sees,

And when you live like this man,

Your soul is free.

 

Uncle Buddy’s FIRST PLACE AWARD CERTIFICATE SAYS:

“WE WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU FOR YOUR LOVE FOR YOUR FAMILY AS WELL AS YOUR DEPENDABILITY AND STRONG WORK ETHIC.  YOU ARE A MAN OF INTEGRITY.”

 

I LOVE YOU UNCLE BUDDY!  YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE A PLACE IN MY HEART.

THANK YOU UNCLE BUDDY FOR ALWAYS BEING SO KIND TO ME.

THANK YOU TOO FOR THE OLD WINDOWS FROM THE OLD FARMSTEAD.  I CHERISH THEM BECAUSE THEY WERE GIVEN TO ME BY YOU.

Lord, thank You for Uncle Buddy.

Thank You Lord for showing me how a family can love each other so deeply when they didn’t know how to speak the words “I love you”.

Thank You Father that You placed me in our family.

Thank You Lord for your protection this day.

Thank You that my spleen is not fractured.

Thank You for Tylenol.

All of the above was written and/or compiled yesterday August 10^th.  Now it is the 11^th and the day once again escaped me.  I was busy all day doing that which needed to be done earlier this week after returning home from a trip.  I had appointments to attend, food shopping to do, a toenail removal (pre-scheduled weeks ago), and a food box to disperse and care for.  And the day sneaked away again.  It was a long, arduous, 90 degree day.  Left by 8:00 a.m. this morning and other than dropping by the house to drop off food products, I did not arrive home to stay until after 5:00 p.m.  That is when I was finally able to take care of all the farm produce that was delivered today.

 

THANK YOU SO MUCH

By Kathleen Martens

August 11, 2016

 

Thank You so much

For reading these words.

Some may seem familiar

Some never heard.

 

My purpose and intent

Is to share with the young,

Who may someday be interested

To understand whom they’re from.

 

The good and the bad

And the ugly too,

Facts should be known,

For the true story to come through.

 

Just do your best

With what you have to work

And listen to the aged,

From their words do not shirk.

 

For much wisdom will come

When you follow God’s path,

As you walk in God’s way

Your legacy will last.

 

So that your children too

Will share love joy and peace

That will extend to the future

As a legacy, that does not cease.

 

GOOD NIGHT AND MAY MANY BLESSINGS BE YOURS!