Wednesday July 20 2016  CHALLENGE YOURSELF

Dave is such a good, supportive husband to me.  Not necessarily always pliable, but usually will humor my bizarre suggestions, of which I might add, there have been many.  Each year I enjoy challenging myself with a new goal of some sort.  One year my challenge was to snap a photo of the same tree and a barn every single day for one full year.  Another year it was a commitment to not spend any money if it was not for basic living needs.  I might add that that was a very interesting, sometimes difficult, and awkward year, to say the least.  We each had $10.00 PER MONTH allowance and just so you know, ten bucks just doesn’t buy much.  We lived quite frugally, keeping track of what we spent.  I will say it was a year in which we learned a lot.  It actually changed my outlook on what I purchase.  There were many things about that year which left lasting positive influences on my life. 

This year we did not even have time to think of a challenge.  I usually have little challenges I do for myself, sometimes I share them with Dave, and sometimes I do them without mentioning them to anyone.  Well, I came up with another challenge.  I asked Dave if he would take the challenge with me for one month.  He is always a bit hesitant to commit without first knowing what’s up my sleeve.   So, this is what I suggested.  I would like to see if both of us would be able to go one month without complaining about even one thing.  No complaining about other drivers, other people, politics, aches and pains, and all the other trivial things that can come up during the day that would merit a negative comment.  He thought about it for a couple of seconds and responded with a positive yes.  However, if we make mention of certain things in an informational way, that is not complaining.

To be truthful I don’t think either one of us does an excessive amount of complaining but we are both guilty in certain areas.  We agreed to gently mention to the other if we believe the other is actually complaining, so as to bring it to their attention in a gentle, loving way.  And so we have already been at our challenge for a couple of days.  And you know what, I find myself changing my thought patterns so as not to utter a complaint.  I wonder sometimes if we really listen to ourselves.  I think we need to hear ourselves from the perspective of someone else.  Our voice tone, facial expression, body language, and eye contact all make a difference in how people perceive us, as well as interpreting the meaning of the words that come out of our mouth.

Today’s topic came to mind because of something someone told me today.  A young lady came over today to teach me how to use my new computer.  She is a Mac specialist and did so much to help me.  She added new programs, gave me the needed information on how they function, and worked on making certain all the programs were functioning correctly.  She downloaded, uploaded, formatted, added new electronic attachments, set everything up and ushered me through correcting a download with an incorrect email address (typo error).  Without her it would have been a nightmare!  She was a great help. 

During our conversations today she shared with me that several years ago she decided she needed to change her attitude.  She was argumentative, easily flared up, negative, and an all around unpleasant person.  She decided she was going to try the positive approach to life.  She quit being argumentative, began being more pleasant, and quit complaining.  She insinuated that it actually changed her life as she worked on changing her attitude and personality.  She told me all this, not knowing the challenge that Dave and I were undertaking.  It may be a bit different, in as much that neither Dave nor I are chronic complainers (at least I hope I am not), but I saw a parallel in what Dave and I are currently doing in regards to what this young lady did several years ago.  She said it really changed her.  She is now a delightful person, lovely to be around, very patient, and excellent at her job. 

What will be the changes in Dave and me after one month of practicing the art of no complaining?  I don’t really know, but I do hope there will be some positive changes.  I think I am already beginning to feel some of the changes.  I purposely think before I speak (that’s a big one).  I choose my words more carefully.  If what I am thinking is negative I choose not to speak it.  It has helped me realize I do not need to be the “world’s policewoman”.  How others feel, react, respond, or behave is not my responsibility, and even if they say something negative, I do not need to take it personally.  This is something I already know, but this challenge is a good reminder to not respond back to another in like, negative manner.

I asked 29 year old Paige if she had any wisdom to share.  Here is her response:

Paige: “I just try to assume positive intent.  I got that from working at (she named her place of work) because I had always been really negative and pessimistic, but when I started to work there the second time, that’s when it really kind of took over. I had some good people around me that furthered that expectation and that notion to just, rather than letting all the negativity burden me, let it go.  And if someone is angry they are not angry at me but just because something else in their life is “negative” (her word was not printable).”

I asked Paige how this affected her and how did she change after that?

Paige: “I didn’t get in as many arguments with my parents and my family members or the people around me.  I sort of started letting stuff go.  I don’t really remember a lot of stuff, so…”

I asked Paige if she liked herself better now.

Paige:  “Yes, I guess so.”

I asked Paige if she was true to herself by doing that?

Paige:  “I think it depends upon the version of the self in which you need to reference, because there are so many different versions of a person, that the person I was then, when I began doing that, wasn’t the person that I am now.  When I started to do that, it was not natural, and it was not normal, and I still have to fight that normalcy in what is right or wrong.”

I asked Paige was it worth it?

Long pause…

Paige:  “YYYeeesss.”

 

Perhaps her message seemed longer than most quotes I use but I thought it so well worth it to print it all verbatim from her recorded voice.

Her wisdom goes hand in hand with what Dave and I have undertaken to do for one month.  Hopefully when the 30 day challenge comes to an end we will be able to continue our attitude of not complaining as a “new normal” in our life. 

I believe it is important for me to become the best me I can be.  And you know what; it takes perseverance and commitment for that to happen.  Give it a try, see for yourself. 

 

ARE YOU CONTENT WITH WHO YOU ARE?

By Kathleen Martens

July 20, 2016

 

Who was I a year ago,

And who am I today?

A day at a time our life unfolds,

Are you set in your way?

 

Do we see from an outside view

How we must appear to those we know?

Are we even willing to look inside

And sow new seeds to grow?

 

Would YOU like YOU from outside in,

Since your perspective is from the inside out?

Are you a gentle and peaceful soul,

Or does your negative behavior shout?

 

Our perspective may need a new boot,

Like a computer that won’t behave.

Turn ourselves off and take a look

Is there anything about which to rave?

 

Listen carefully and what do you hear

Coming from deep inside your heart?

For what a man thinks always comes out

And perhaps you’ll need a new start.

 

So give it a try and look deep within.

Are you content with who you are?

Just a little change every single day

Can make improvements that take you far.

 

This poem was inspired by Page and her candid wisdom.  Thank you Paige.  I appreciated our time together, not just for the work you did for me, and all you taught me, but for the enjoyment of being in the company of such a delightful young woman.

 

Thank You God for the people You bring into my life.

Thank You Lord for this time to learn.

Thank You for the words You give me to write.

Thank You Father that I have been changed by You.

Thank You for mangoes. 

 

I challenge each reader to think of something that will challenge you to become an even better you.  One day at a time is a motto I use when I want to accomplish something.   That way I do not need to get discouraged because I only dwell on the day in which I live.  I plan for the future, but live in the present.

GOOD NIGHT AND GOD BLESS YOU!