Friday June 10 2016 REMINISCING

We are now the parents of a middle aged adult!  Am I correct in thinking that 40 is still considered the beginning of “middle aged”?  So, am I still in the middle age too?  The determining factor seems to get a bit blurry when it refers to oneself.  Someone “OLD” has always been someone 10 years older than I am currently!  So perhaps to the 40 year olds, Dave and I have long ago entered the category of the “elderly”.  All I really know for certain is, that age is just number and we (you and I) are just who we are, regardless our age.

That is the way I choose to think of it.  As I look out from my eye view and talk to younger people I actually forget that I am standing there in front of them exposing all the ravages that take a toll on the “older” body.  When I see the young people, in my spirit I become one of them, and I forget that I am any older than they are.  Perhaps it’s because my spirit is eternal and never ages, and it is the young me that shows up for the younger crowd.  And then I remember what I see from the inside looking out is something totally different from what the younger generation sees from the outside looking in.  Oh well, the fantasy world is sometimes the best place to exist…at least at my age.  The important thing at my age is to know the difference.  

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING DAUGHTER!  WISH I WERE IN FLORIDA CELEBRATING WITH YOU! 

Can’t wait for you to open your gift.  I promise you, it will not add one item more to what you already own.  Remember, it is the thought that counts!!!

Forty years ago today I was at work on Thursday June 10^th when I received “THE CALL” from our friend Peggy.  Peggy is the person that God used to be instrumental in connecting Dave and me with the birth mother of our child.  This is what I wrote down when Peggy gave me the news that Rebecca was born.

“6  6oz

19 ½ ”

2:00

No hair”

That was it!  I wrote the note because I didn’t want to forget a word that was said to me.  And those few words scribbled on that scrap of paper were all my brain could comprehend.  That simple message said, “I WAS A MOTHER”!  I kept that note in my pocket for the rest of the day and just kept touching it and re-reading it.  It was all I could do to believe it had really happened.   I still have that actual note taped in Rebecca’s baby album (the first child always gets the album).  I could barely contain myself at work.  I think they should have sent me home after I received that phone call.  I prepared in-office surgical trays and assisted with wound debridement, suture removal, and other office procedures.  It is a wonder I could even think to perform protocol.  I could barely focus on what I was doing.

Dave and I went to the hospital that evening and we didn’t even have the opportunity to touch Rebecca.  We just stood at the window and longingly wished we could be included in the back room with her.  We went home without touching our daughter on the first day of her life.

The next evening we were again at the window gazing and wishing the same thing.  After a while a nurse peeked out from one of the nursery doors and asked why we were there.  I told the nurse it was just so heartbreaking to be so close to our daughter and not be able to touch her.  She looked at us quizzically and asked why we couldn’t touch her.  We explained about the fact that we were the adoptive parents and had no rights as of yet.  She told us to follow her.  She took us to a room, told us to wash and gown up and she would be right back.  OH MY GOODNESS!  She came back holding all 6 pound 6  ½ ounces  of our little, “No hair”, baby girl.  I can’t even begin to tell you the love that God poured into my heart in that special moment.  We knew for six months that this baby was promised to us.  Our love was already planted but it became a symphony when she was placed into my arms.  The nurse snapped a photo and it has been displayed in a prominent place in every home we have lived in since that time.  It is still my very favorite photo of our new family.

As I gazed at Rebecca as I cradled her in my arms that first time I remember thinking that all the potential of the person she would someday be was in my safekeeping.  I don’t know what Dave was thinking, but for me it was a serious, exciting, nerve racking, and a most unbelievable moment in time.  I knew that I had to protect her, advocate for her, fight for her if need be.  I took parenting very seriously, and probably, on occasions, went overboard.   When our children were quite young I could see that I did not like the influence of television in their lives and we weaned them from watching television.  I wanted Dave and I to be the ones who influenced what went into our children’s vulnerable minds.  No television seemed a bit strict to some but I have never regretted removing it from their life.  That first moment when I held her I looked into her puckered up face and realized that everything she could be was wrapped in that little 6 pound 6 ½ ounce body.  It was at that moment I became a Mother Bear!  She was mine to protect.

It was necessary for the birth mother to be discharged from the hospital before we had legal rights to carry Rebecca from the hospital premises.  We arrived excited and early on Saturday morning.  We stopped by Carole’s room and told her how grateful we were for the amazing gift she gave us.  Carole was three months pregnant when we met her for the first time.  It was at the time she interviewed us as prospective parents.   Recently, when we visited her, and her husband David, she shared with me that after she interviewed us she did not interview any other couples.  She said she knew in her heart that we were the ones she wanted to parent her child.  We were her first choice.  Dave and I both believe with all of our hearts that Rebecca was, and still is, our gift from God.  What a blessing she has been to us through the years!

Forty years ago there was no such thing as “mandatory pregnancy leave” for adoptive parents or for fathers for that matter.  Of course the birthing mother was off a few weeks for recovery but that did not include me.  I took one week off as vacation and then had to leave Rebecca in the care of another person.  Day care was very difficult to find.  Large business day cares were in the beginning stages of becoming an accepted way of childcare.  The only thing was the large daycare would not accept a child who was under two years old.  Well, that left us out.  I had a neighbor that lived next door to where we had previously lived in Anaheim, California.   This former neighbor said she would she would watch Rebecca until we could find a home care provider.  On my first day back to work I dropped Rebecca off at about 7:30 a.m. and picked her up after 6:00 p.m.  When I walked in, I found Rebecca crying desperately in her carrier (an infant seat that reclined).  We lived quite close so I picked up the carrier, the neighbor gave me her diaper bag (we used cloth diapers), and I quickly walked to my car so I could get her home as quickly as possible.  I had no idea what was wrong.  When I arrived home and picked her up she was saturated from head to toe.  I looked in her diaper bag and all her bottles were still full.  And not one of her fresh diapers had been used.  Since the buckle was still latched across her chest I doubted if she had been picked up even once.   

Needless to say, I was distraught.  I took another week off work.  I did not call my former neighbor and I never went back to that woman’s house again.  I actually don’t think I even paid her.  I was too upset to even have a confrontation.  I felt like a neglectful mother for having left my baby in her care.  Today, I would report her.  I learned a great lesson that day.  And just for the record, she never called me to find out why I didn’t bring her back.

Fortunately within the week someone from my church called and told me about a woman in the church that did in home daycare that was close to my work.  She was unbelievable and Rebecca thrived in her care.  She only kept children through the first year of their life.  Rebecca was the only one she kept for two years.  She also was the provider for Courtland when he was born three years later.  However, she could not be convinced to keep him for year two!  I took him to another provider but was so apprehensive about leaving him that I quit work, pulled both the kids out of day care and was a stay at home mom on a budget.  And it was worth it!

So now, 40 years after it started it is over.  Our kids our grown, we are retired, and we still choose to live on a budget.  As much as I loved being the mom of little ones, I do so enjoy them as adults.  But every once in a while I cannot help myself and must ruminate those years that seem to get more gentle as time passes.  Those years were happy years and they were difficult years.  And they still make me smile.

 

REMINISCING

By Kathleen Martens

June 10, 2016

 

Diapers and bottles

Puke and poop,

Where the buck stops

That’s the scoop.

 

Peanut butter and jelly,

Messes galore,

Late night earaches.

And walking the floor.

 

Squabbles and squawks,

Bites and tantrums.

The story of toddlers

Is not a phantom.

 

And I asked

Will this time never end?

And so soon it was over

With no rest to lend.

 

Soccer and little league

Auditions and acting.

For things to do

Were never lacking.

 

Marching band

As well as football,

Musicals to watch

Spring and fall.

 

Our adventures mounted

As kids grew.

They were always involved

In something new.

 

Then all grown

As they flitted around

Until finally

They settled down.

 

And too soon

It was all over

And I’m retired

Living life in clover.

 

Do I secretly long

For days long passed?

Not on your life

Should that be asked!

 

I still dream

To fulfill many plans.

Every day I work

To do as much as I can.

 

But it’s fun to reminisce

Because I am free

For I am allowed

To at last be me.

Job 8: 8-11  (NIV)

Thank You Lord for the times when You rescued our children from the jaws of death.

Thank You too for Your angels that hover around us.

Thank You for the lovely lady I met at the Attic Angel Fund Raiser today.

Thank You for peanut butter and jelly.

 

GOOD NIGHT TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.  GOD BLESS YOU.