Thursday June 9 2016   THE POWER OF A LETTER

Yesterday I finished the book “DOWNSIZING THE FAMILY HOME” by Marni Jameson.  A very appropriate book for me to read at this crossroad of my life.  Extremely well written and informative in regards to downsizing personal belongings or closing down an aged parent’s home who have perhaps died or moving to as assisted living facility.  She speaks about dispersing the contents of the home, what venues certain items should be sold, example: eBay, Craig’s List, garage sale, donate, throw away, or keep.  She goes into detail as what should be kept as permanent records.

There were a lot of interesting scenarios about dispersing the contents of the family home.  This kind of situation often causes a lot of upset, hard feelings, and permanent derision with siblings facing this event.  Years before my mother entered the abyss of dementia she purposely started sorting her personal belongings.  She wanted to give certain people certain items so she made contact with them and offered the items to them.  She corresponded with many people over the years of her life and I believe she kept ever single letter ever written to her.  Since our family was strung out across the United States and email was not available back then, there were a lot of cassette tapes passed back and forth as well as letters, cards and notes.  I was included in this correspondence because every phone call we made out of our area code was costly.

By the time my mom died at 91 the contents of her entire life fit in a bedroom.  Yes, there were things she had kept and everything was neatly stacked, waiting for heirs to claim their endowment.  She had five daughters living.  Both of her sons died before she did.  Mama’s one request was that no one would fight over anything which had belonged to her. 

My eldest sister was in charge of the “event”.  Four daughters were present and no one else.  One daughter chose not to come due to hard feelings that already existed between the sisters unrelated to mama’s death.  The absent sister had given a list of what she would like to choose and asked another sister to be her voice.  My oldest sister gave each of us a sheet of paper and a pen.  Each one of us was to write on the paper what it was that we most desired.  If what was written down was different we would all receive our first choice.  This way there was no hierarchy of going from oldest to youngest each time we wrote a request.  As long as no one chose the same item in a given round we each received what was written on our paper. 

Over and over again choices were made.  There were no duplicates on any same round until the very end when there were just small items left of really no consequential value.  Actually there wasn’t anything of value monetarily when we started.  Primarily everything was just memories and sentiments of the past.  When I chose something toward the end that one of my sisters chose, it was easy for me to let it go because I could tell it meant more to them.  There were really only a few things I desired.   The first two I chose were mama’s correspondence and journals, and her Mother’s ring (which I had purchased for her years before).  One other item I also desired was the last Bible mama used at the end of her reading days.  I had a feeling my youngest sister also wanted it so I purposely did not choose it in the first round to see if it was her favorite.  It was.  I was happy for her, but a little sad for myself.  Are there times when I wish I could still rifle through the pages that were so well worn and read mama’s notations?  Yes, but I just pray that the Bible will give my sister comfort.  Mama’s death was extremely difficult for her.

My oldest sister chose not to participate in choosing anything from mama’s belongings.  I would have been better off space-wise if I had done the same thing.  Now I have shelves full of her old correspondence, minus the letters I really wanted.  As mama re-read all her correspondence late in life she set aside each person’s letters who had corresponded with her on a regular basis and mailed them all back to each individual.  I remember receiving a large stack of my own letters.  During the early years of my children’s lives I did not write a consistent journal so I lost a lot of their growing up years that I wish I had logged.  I often regretted that so many stories and accomplishments in their young lives were not written down while the experience was fresh in my mind.  Well, when I re-read the letters, many 10 or 12 pages long, hand written, there was story after story of all the daily happenings in our lives during those years.  I was delighted to have them back.  I just wasn’t delighted to know that I didn’t get to peek in all my aunts’ and cousins’ personal letters!  (Shame on me!)  Mama was a wise old soul.

I have not finished reading all that was written to her in those rubber made containers that I carted home.  I did learn some interesting tidbits however.  I had no idea about all the things my mother was busy doing for others.  There were so many nice letters and cards and wonderful thank you notes included in the bins I carted home.  Remember, this was the time when people actually wrote letters and sent cards.  It was so refreshing to see all the wonderful, kind, and generous acts my mother did for so many others.  She worked tirelessly all her life, did not gossip, and rarely told anything about her undercover acts of kindness and generosity.  It put a smile in my heart to see how she was perceived by so many.  I believe my endowment in those bins of correspondence was more valuable than if those bins had been filled with gold.  Mama loved God and she walked His path in all areas of her life.  I also have her journals and have read a scattering of them.  Nowhere in her journals does she ever mention what she had done for another.  I would never have known her as well as I do now had I not read the cards written to her.  I think I made a good choice choosing her journals and correspondence.

There is so much more I could tell you but I have already gone over my quota of words.  I said all that to say this, I think the way mama’s possessions were handled was a mighty fine idea.  None of us walked away disappointed or angry.  We honored mama’s request.  If you are facing a similar situation give some discussion as to how you might best handle the circumstances for all involved before the problems or hurt feelings crop up.  And you just might want to read Marni Jameson’s book.

Following is a poem that I thought would be more appropriate than anything I could write again.  As you can see this poem was written over 4 years ago but I would like to share it with you.  And remember, it’s never too late to send someone a greeting by mail.  It is sure to put a smile on their face.

The Gift of a Letter

Kathleen Martens

March 21, 2012

Simple words written down

By someone of no great renown.

From the heart written true

To convey a message new.

Words of thought written with pleasure

That someday become someone’s treasure.

Informative or perhaps mundane

To be carried down the lane.

Touched by fingers, composed from heart,

Folded neatly to depart,

Slipped inside a flat cocoon

To be delivered very soon.

Stamped and licked before it’s sent

And when received seal is rent.

Then a smile lights anew

Knowing someone thought of you!

Thank You God for wonderful memories.

Thank You God for a mother who loved You.

And Thank You for a mother who loved me.

Thank You Lord that we are Your letters.

GOOD NIGHT AND GOD BLESS YOU.

P.S.

I wrote another poem just now to add to the one above.

SENT WITH LOVE

By Kathleen Martens

June 9, 2016

Thank You God for the gift of letters,

Thank You for words spoken true.

Scribbled pictures and holiday cards

Are all smiles stamped to view.

Thank You for the sunshine

That words quietly bring.

When like apples of gold

 They cause the heart to sing.

Thank You God for thoughts

Others share from their heart

So that our ordinary day

Will have a lovely start.

Thank You for envelopes

That are neatly sealed,

Sent with so much love

For you, only revealed.

I hope you receive a lovely letter from someone soon!