Thursday April 21 2016  A QUICKIE BLOG

This is the day we leave early to go to be with the grandchildren for the evening.  Gramma and Grandpa to the rescue!  It is so wonderful to be retired so we can do just that!  Our schedules have always been too full, too tight, and too stressful to allow much time in the evenings to watch the boys.  Now we can.  Even in the daytime!

Rather than take my computer over there and be busy writing, when I’d rather be playing ping pong or air hockey with the boys, I decided to type off a quick little hello to my faithful readers. 

Just as I said about last year that everywhere I went it seemed as if God was teaching me something.  There was no difference on this trip.  Everywhere I went I learned new lessons and received new insights about myself as well Dave’s and my relationship.  I’d like to speak briefly about one such learning experience.  It is something that was brought to my attention when I was staying with David and Carole.   Carole is a stay at home mom and grandma, as well as the true example of homemaker.  She has an easy spirit about her and makes what most of call “work”, look easy.  Nothing seems too hard or difficult for her to do.  She is an excellent cook, makes the best muffins you would ever want to taste, and moves from one task to the next with a gentle spirit resting upon her.  Now if she reads this she may not agree but that is how she came across.  David is a self-employed music composer. 

What I noticed is that due to the fact that they have the freedom to create their own schedule they do just that.  They sleep until they want to get up.  They go and do what needs to be done without the pressures of outside forces and rules and regulations.  They are responsible and take charge of what must be done, handle time much easier than I find possible, and seem stress free in all the areas I mentioned.  It made me realize that I am still living by the clock as well as self-imposed deadlines I try to live up to.  I realize I am still living under the “driven mentality” of always having deadlines to meet, obligations to fulfill, places I must be (self-imposed), when all I should really be doing is taking time to heal from the years of always living on the edge as far as time goes.  I lived under deadlines and then more obligations would crop up that would usurp the original deadlines.  Being a self-employed photographer was really a daunting feat.  I AM SO HAPPY TO BE RETIRED!  Now I just need to realize I no longer must push myself the way I do.  I have far too many deadlines and time frames that I have put upon myself. 

I think there is a fear factor involved in my above reasoning.  The fear is that I will not complete all that is left ahead of me to finish.  I have a fear of becoming a “couch potato” if I become too comfortable watching television.  I have a fear that I will let myself down in some way.  As irrational as it sounds, that is what I learned about myself as I examined my heart as we traveled home on the last long car ride.  Perhaps it is time for me to stand back, regroup my plans and ambitions by looking at my current situations, and realize that it is time for change.  I need to be easier on myself.  Maybe I don’t even need to accomplish all that is on my bucket list.  Unfortunately my bucket list is not all fun and games.  It is taking time to sort out the past 43 years of accumulation, and business paraphernalia, and records from two businesses I have had in this home.  It is time to downsize just about every aspect of our lives.  It is time to need less and want less.  I want more freedom to do what God wants me to do.  I want to go from one task to the next in a beautiful rhythm without hurrying or putting guilt upon myself if I do not accomplish my list.  Maybe I just need to get rid of “LISTS”!

When I think about what I just wrote above (it surprised me that I said all I said), I think what I am really saying is, that I am just ready to be the “older me”.  Take from that statement what you will because I am not even going to worry about explaining it. 

PONDER ON WHAT TO ENSUE

By Kathleen Martens

April 21, 2016

It is so good to finally find

The inside of you that was lost.

All those years of deadlines

And I’m still paying the cost.

So now that my mind is clearer

I’ll do something about it.

Instead of always rushing around,

I think I’ll just meander a bit.

I’ll sit and contemplate my future

And the differences in how to live.

And when I get rid of accumulated stress

To myself more pleasure I’ll give.

No need to always be so driven

With seeing how much I can do.

I think it is time to sit back and relax

And just ponder on what should ensue.

Hmm…much left unsaid.  Much more I could say.  But for now…I think I’ll just do some deep thinking.  Maybe I am finally getting the hang of this “thing” called RETIREMENT!

Thank You God that I have lived long enough to retire.

Thank You for the hours you have numbered for me.

Thank You for all the learning experiences You bring my way.

Thank You for neighbors.

Thank You for giving me new insights about myself.

Thank You for avocados.

Thank You for two special grandsons!

Thank You for this evening before us.

Thank You that our salads are already made.

Thank You God that I am aware that Your Holy Spirit lives within me.

Thank You for safety pins.

GOOD NIGHT AND GOD BLESS YOU.  Early blog.  YEAH!!!!