Friday February 26 2016  A THOUGHT PROVOKING TALK

It is so awesome to have two adult children, who, when I talk with them, still light up my heart.  Heart to heart talks are more the “unusual” rather than the “usual”.  Life seems to be so busy in all our lives that our phone conversations are often to convey necessary information about upcoming events, where to meet, what we need, how everybody is, and bam, the conversation is over.  That’s just life in the fast lane I guess.

But…every once in a while a time coincides when you catch each other in a quiet, unhurried moment and the heart opens up.  That happened just a few moments ago when I called to talk with our son.  Dave is at the gym, this is my morning off, and I just wanted to check and find out some information from Courtland and ask him if he has time to come and help us move a huge couch through a small door.  We must be ready to receive delivery of Dave’s retirement present, a beautiful Lazy Boy leather recliner for his office.

I invited Court and his family to dinner on Sunday hoping that might entice him.  I knew the dinner wasn’t needed but it is something I like to do.  Dave and I really enjoy seeing the kids as often as possible. 

Now, to the conversation.  It was one of those rare times when Courtland was off, the boys were home, Amy was at work, and both of our homes were quiet and peaceful.  Courtland is a great conversationalist and extremely interesting to talk to when he is not in a hurry.  I enjoy hearing him talk about that which he is learning in law school.  I also enjoy two way dialogue regarding all the political issues brewing during this upcoming presidential election.  I like hearing his slant.  Though we don’t always agree, I always know so much more, after having talked with him.

Of our two children, Courtland is the most like me in personality.  He far surpasses me in the intellectual and retention level of brain power but he also has a tender and compassionate heart.  Courtland brought up the topic of his children going to college and actually how soon all the changes in his life will take effect.  All of a sudden a flash of realization hit me.  There is coming a time when Dave and I will no longer be a part of our grandchildren’s lives.  Even if we maintained a close relationship for all the viable years we yet have, there will come a time when we are no more.  I actually felt a deep mourning in my heart for my own demise.  I have never experienced that before.  I know our kids have thought about losing Dave and I.  It shows when we discuss our estate planning and what is to be done when we are gone.  Even during those conversation I am aware how difficult it is for them, realizing that someday Dave and I will not be part of their lives. Well, I actually had tears fill my eyes for my own death.  It wasn’t because of the loss I would be to others, it was because of the loss I felt, knowing I would no longer be able to partake in the lives of our grandsons.  Someday we will be gone.  It is as simple as that.  Court also sounded a bit emotional.  He reminded me that he had thought about it before and it was not just our grandsons’ lives we would no longer be part of, but also his, and his sister’s lives and their spouses. 

Somehow we still feel like the kid, young and invincible, with a long life ahead when our parents are still living.  I remember when my mom died realizing that I was now the elder generation in our family.  Yes, I still have aunts and one uncle, lots of cousins, some who are older, some younger, however, in my lineage I am now the oldest generation living.  And even when I realized that, I still wondered if I was truly grown up.  Even in my 60’s I felt like I too young to be an orphan.  I think it may be a sobering thought for our son to look ahead and see himself as the “elder generation”.

So this is the time to live.  This is the time to create memories for future generations.  This is the time to love vigorously, laugh heartily, hug tightly, and spend as much time with each other as possible.  This is the time to say “I LOVE YOU” every single day.  With all the random shootings happening in the past few weeks it causes me to pause, giving me insight to how precious and wondrous is each and every day that we survive.  As I write these words I am speaking them to all of you who read them, “NEVER TAKE FOR GRANTED EVEN ONE HOUR OF ONE DAY”.  Reach out to those who are close to you and let them know how much you love and care for them.  Just to hear my little grandsons say, “I love you so much grandma” is like depositing riches into my bank account.  How much will all the richness of my words compound for them over the years?  Be generous with your love.  Be generous with your words.  Let your love be substantial deposits into the lives of others.

Now is the time to forgive those who have hurt you.  Now is the time to ask for forgiveness from those you have hurt.  Renew and rebuild the relationships you have.  Take time to live, not just to work. 

There was so much that was said in today’s conversation with Courtland.  So much that I hold close to my heart, knowing how very fortunate I am to be blessed with the children God gave to Dave and me.  God is the sustenance of my very being and it is through His grace and love that I am who I am today.  He put a love in my heart for our children that burns deeply to this very day.  When I became a mother my one prayer to God was that He would allow me to live long enough to raise our daughter.  The same prayer was prayed when our son was born.  I would not be the person I am today if God had not blessed me with two such precious eternal lives to rear.  It was not all easy, but it was all worth it.

And so today is one of those days when it absolutely was worth it.  Our conversation touched the deepest part of my soul and I don’t even think my son realized it.  I never thought I could love anyone else as much as I loved our children…until our grandsons were born.  There are some things you just have to experience for yourself before you can believe it.  I thank God for that experience. My prayer for them IS THAT GOD WOULD ALLOW THEM TO OUTLIVE ME.

 

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

By Kathleen Martens

February 26, 2016

 

Nothing quite like

Holding your new born baby.

A love so profound

That never is it maybe.

 

So unconditional,

Even before birth.

Cradling life in the heart

Understanding its worth.

 

A daughter and son

God graciously gave.

One of each

For both me and Dave.

 

Nothing in the world

Could I love more,

Because I had yet to experience

A future knock at the door.

 

This time a grandson.

I felt no pain at his birth.

But that didn’t mean

I didn’t understand his worth.

 

And then number two

Came to tug at my heart.

Unconditional love realized,

A brand new start.

 

Because two little boys,

Multiplied a mother’s love

As it kissed my heart

With gentleness of a dove.

 

A vulnerable deep love

Was born with each one.

Both were the children

Of our only son.

 

And then I realized

That my love was the same

As it was for our children

But each given new names.

 

I will take this opportunity to say to both of our children:

 

REBECCA AND COURTLAND:

I LOVE YOU WITH ALL OF MY HEART!  

I AM HONORED TO BE YOUR MOTHER!

 

I pray God’s blessing on each one who reads these words.  I hope that something I have written today will tug at your heart until you tell those in your life, just how much you love them.  Never wait until tomorrow.  Tomorrow never really IS.