Friday January 29 2016  THE UNPLANS OF THE PLANS

A comment I once heard or read comes to mind.  It read, “If you want to make God laugh, just tell him your plans”.  Well, I really believe that.  And now I am adopting the attitude that when I make plans and they dissolve into thin air, I should just laugh too. 

When I fell into bed last night after being on the go for 19 hours, I had my plans laid out nicely and precisely for my tomorrow.  My plans were to work all morning in my office going through more files, not getting dressed, eating lunch, showering, leaving midafternoon with Dave, and then heading to the town where Court and Amy live.  We planned to have dinner and a movie night at their house. They live about 40 miles away from us.  There is a Costco and an Aldi’s in their town.  We planned to leave early so we could do our weekly Costco shopping and pick up our bi-weekly supplies from Aldi’s on the way.  However, everything changed when Dave woke up with an extremely bad cold.  Stuffy head, runny nose and eyes, and overall malaise.  He does not want to infect the boys or Court and Amy.  Even I am staying away from him!  He has one phone to use and is not allowed to touch any food stuff or clean dishes.  Oh, by the way, he contacted the cold through the receptionist at the doctor’s office when we were there on Wednesday.  She had such a bad cold that she told me not to use her pen.  Well, she forgot to tell Dave she had a cold and handed him all kinds of things she had touched and folded.

So plans have changed.  And now they have changed even again.  After I wrote them out here in this paragraph (which has now been deleted), I realized I could still salvage my work day by NOT doing Costco shopping today.  There is nothing that we absolutely need and my time will be more useful here at home to accomplish some of my plans for decluttering.  That’s what I call readjusting my priorities.  But, since I already started writing my blog I will finish it.

For once, I actually had a preconceived idea for my blog.  I wanted to tell everyone about the absolutely, most wonderful gift that Dave has ever given me.  If you are a long time reader you may remember how ill Dave became right after I arrived home from my long trip in July.  He was hospitalized with a serious sepsis that developed due to his diabetes.  He had a crack in his foot and a terrible cellulitis infection in his legs.  He has type two diabetes.  He was on medication, but not on insulin.  Type two diabetes can be caused from life style choices.  Through reading books I discovered that a healthy life style could reverse diabetes.  Our doctor wanted to “manage” Dave’s diabetes with medicine because that is the route most patients choose to follow.  I told our Doctor about the book I read “The End of Diabetes” by Joel Fuhrman M.D.  Dr. Furhman lays out a plan to eliminate diabetes with diet and exercise.  Our doctor agreed that diabetes could be eliminated as Dr. Furhman’s book described.  He turned to Dave and asked him if he was on board with this?  Dave said yes, he wanted to reverse it.  Our doctor (who knows me long and well) pointed his finger at me and said, well if anyone can do it, I know it is you.  So we took the challenge. 

Before Dave was admitted to the hospital he brought the topic up that he had decided he wanted to change the way he ate and work on becoming healthier.  He had just retired two or three days prior to that and with the removal of time restraints and stress he could now focus on what was important to him.  There were several things that we discussed.  Within a couple of days Dave was admitted to the hospital very sick.  While he was still in the hospital, we had one more serious conversation.  We both knew that his illness was serious and would take some serious measures of lifestyle change.  We discussed diet and he agreed that he would eat what I prepared for him, in the quantities I prepared.  He did hold out for one concession however.  He said he would eat everything , except Brussel sprouts.  I thought that was only fair.  After all, then I can eat them all.  Since then Dave has eaten the foods prepared for him, in the amounts prepared, without complaint.  He has actually confessed to me that he has even learned to like some of the things he never thought he could like.  Other things he just eats because of the nutritional value.  He does it all without complaint.  On Wednesday we went in for the results of his average blood sugars over the past four months hoping to have one dose of his medication deleted.  Well, his Hemoglobin A1C on Wednesday came back ABSOLUTELY PERFECT!  NO SIGNS OF DIABETES IN HIS TEST RESULTS!  The doctor was ecstatic, somewhat amazed at how quickly we were able to turn his blood sugars around.  He just kept saying over and over, “IT IS PERFECT!  IT IS PERFECT”.  And furthermore, the doctor felt that he should take Dave OFF BOTH DOSES OF HIS DIABETIC MEDICATION!!!  So we are on trial.  In order to continue Dave’s weight loss it was decided to reduce his carb count per meal from a high of 60 to a high of 45.  That has required a bit of readjusting in our meal planning.  He has had two days without meds and his blood sugars are maintaining in the appropriate range.  He will need to have perfect averages every six months on his A1C test for two years straight in order to have the diagnosis of being diabetic taken off his medical records.  My heart was jumping for joy.  Dave’s smile was from ear to ear.

I walked out of that office feeling as if Dave had given me the most absolutely, wonderful gift he had ever given me.  My heart was so heavy for him over the past few years because I knew there was nothing I could do to change the way he wanted to eat, or the fact that he did not exercise.  I kept my worry and fear to myself.  I prayed.  I knew Dave was under heavy stress at work, planning for his retirement, getting finances in order, taking care of long term plans and goals, always with me at the forefront of his planning, especially the financial part.  I often wondered if he would be with me to enjoy “our retirement”.  All I wanted was for him to be healthy.  He just had to survive the last two or so years to get where he wanted to be.  I am grateful for his planning, but I still suffered inside because of how hard his life was due to the diabetes being out of control, and the weight he carried around taking a toll on his body, and the excessive stress from his job, which left no time for even thinking about exercising. 

There is one thing that you can never do for someone else.  No matter how much you love them, are concerned for them, and want the best for them, you cannot cause them to change.  It is only their decision that can allow the changes to happen in their own life.  Each person must choose for themselves.  I know that from personal experience.  I believe there is something that must happen in the heart.  I was obese for so many years.  It was not fun.  Believe me, I never look down on someone because of extra pounds.  Rather, my heart goes out to them, for I walked in their shoes.  For me it was a feeling of helplessness, frustration, and inner disgust and pain, not to mention the physical discomfort.   I could write a book on the toll obesity takes on the body.  I know from experience.  I remember standing by his bed in the hospital telling him that I would do everything possible to help him live, but I couldn’t do it, he had  to make the choice to “to do it”!   He had to make the choice to live.   He looked me in the eye and said, “I choose life”.  He then promised, “I will do it”.  Tears spill out of me this moment as I recall his words.  That was his promise to me.  That was his gift to me.

My gift from him was received with such joy, though I held it in at the doctor’s office.  Dave doesn’t like a lot of hoopla from me when I am sitting with him in the examining room.  You see, I can become a bit exuberant.  I restrained myself.  And boy that was hard.  But my heart rejoices now. 

His gift was wrapped with so many other things than just a perfect blood sugar reading or the loss of 67 pounds.  Yes, I am so proud of his perseverance and stamina to make wise choices, day by day, of what to eat, and to faithfully go to the gym to work out.  Those are decisions I cannot make for him.  Those are his choices.  THOSE CHOICES ARE HIS GIFT TO ME.  Also packaged with his gift, was hope.  Hope for a brighter and longer future TOGETHER.  Hope for better health, and the hope for trips we can take together.  And I realized there was even more tucked into the gift he gave to me.  It is the gift of joy.  It gave joy to my heart knowing he feels better.  I am full of joy knowing that so much stress has been taken off his body from losing all those pounds.  Pure joy for knowing Dave cares enough about me, to care enough about himself, that he treats himself with the love and respect due him.  I have seen him grow into a strong tree, no longer being buffeted and blown by the wind of circumstances.  I see his roots taking a deeper hold on what he desires for his retirement, what he wants to accomplish.  He is a younger version of himself. 

Regardless of what Dave went through, never once did my love wain for him.  I believe that every day of these past 43 years my love has grown for him on a daily basis.  The more stress he was under, the more I loved him through it.  You may think it is easy for me to write these things.  No, it is not.  Especially because I know Dave will read it.  I have journaled for years without reading my journals to him.  Now that I am writing publically, I guess I am ready to open up publically, both to my readers and to my husband.  Age has a way of making life different.  In the time I have remaining in this world I plan to declare my love for others.  We, as a population of people, don’t tell others enough just how much we love them, and some I observe don’t even act like it enough.  If I love someone they are going to know it!  TELL SOMEONE TODAY HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM!  Tell them just because you want to tell them.  No accomplishment should be required to elicit words of love.  It just so happens that I am telling the world about my husband’s accomplishment over the past six months AND I’M SHOUTING IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS HOW MUCH HE IS LOVED!  MUSHY, MUSHY!  Too bad, it is just how I feel today and this is my avenue of expression!  Mostly, I just wanted to tell you about the beautiful gift he gave me and how very much I appreciate and cherish it.

(EDITOR’S NOTE aka Dave)  “If I wrote the above it would have required only two paragraphs”. 

(WRITER’S RESPONSE aka Kathleen) “Oh well, you are the editor, I am the author”.

 

SOME GIFTS…

By Kathleen Martens

January 29, 2016

 

Some gifts come with ribbons and bows,

Picked out with such great pleasure

To give to the one they love,

As a token for them to treasure.

 

Some gifts are acts of kindness

Bestowed on others unknown.

Just opening a heavy door,

Can be a way your gift is shown.

 

Some gifts go unnoticed

When others fail not to receive,

Perhaps it was a beautiful smile

That someone did not perceive.

 

Some gifts are given with intent

And may have great purpose.

And some may be a simple gesture,

Such as taking a child to the circus.

 

Some gifts come from the wallet,

And are meant to impress.

And some may be for apology,

To say sorry for giving you stress.

 

Some gifts may be given

Without even knowing it’s done

When it’s given from the heart

To a special one.

 

Some gifts may be received

When the giver is unaware.

For there is nothing tangible,

When to the heart it’s shared.

 

Some gifts may just be words,

Or behavior that shows love pure.

And what better gift can there be,

Than a gift that forever endures?

 

THANK YOU DAVE FOR THE HEART GIFT YOU HAVE GIVEN ME! 

IT WILL ENDURE FOREVER.

JUST AS MY LOVE FOR YOU WILL ENDURE FOREVER.

 

 

FUN FACT

If you stop getting thirsty, you need to drink more water. When a human body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off.

My comment:  Just thought you might need to be aware of this fact.  This is something that happens more frequently as we age.  Dehydration has serious effects on your physical body.  A word of wisdom:  Find out what your body size requires regarding daily fluid intake and set your water out in a premeasured container that must be drank in one day; AND THEN DRINK IT!  I actually do that so as to stay hydrated and healthy.  You just may have to get up more in the night to eliminate.  But it is worth feeling good.

 

Oops!  This blog took longer to write than I thought it would.  The day is getting away from me!  Signing off at 12:03 p.m. but it will not be published until Dave reads it to make certain he will be okay with all I have written.  Remember, I have to live with him after it is published!

P.S.  It is now 1:57 p.m.  Lunch is over.  The edit has taken place and this is now good to go!  (Says Dave)!

P.S.S.  He did edit some of the really mushy stuff out!   I am really just surprised that he agreed to let me publish ANYTHING about him.  He would rather not be in the limelight!  I better click the PUBLISH BUTTON quickly!