Friday August 21 2015  THINKING

Mornings are the best time for thinking.  And I  have lost my mornings.  My really early, quiet, dark, intimate mornings with just myself and God.  No one’s fault but my own.  Yes, I can go down to my library before noon and it is still literally morning…but it isn’t morning to me.  Morning to me is before sunrise when the house still holds the mystery of night and the quiet sounds it speaks in the darkest hours.  Even if others are home sleeping it holds that hollow feeling of a house abandoned by all others but me.  I think it is the quiet tranquility of solitude that comforts me as I linger alone in my library, gazing out the windows at the view of the magnificent trees in silent repose.  There is a restfulness and peacefulness cradled in those quiet moments that disappear as the house seems to awaken from its own time of relaxation.

I have given those moments up since I have been back home because it is such a joy to awaken with Dave, linger together in our own intimacy, sharing our thoughts,  planning the day, discussing heart issues, hopes, and dreams with each other.  These are mornings I have looked forward to all our married life.  The closer we approached retirement, the more I realized how fortunate, that first of all, we are still married after 42 years when that seems to be an oddity, rather than the norm, and secondly, that we are  both still alive to share our retirement together.  There were times when I wondered if that would truly ever happen.  When I left on my trip I had it planned to be back home on the night before Dave’s last day at work.  I felt it was very important for me to say goodbye that morning, knowing when he came home he would never be expected to go back to work again.  I wanted to be there when he came home that very last day!  For those of you who have long ago retired you may have your own thoughts about how silly my thoughts might be, but for me, I so wanted us to live long enough to retire together I could hardly believe it was true when it was finally happened.  From that day on it was quite a bit different than I expected.  On the first official day of retirement he ended up in the hospital (I was glad I was here for that) and since then it has been a roller coaster ride, never quite knowing what to expect.

His sickness yesterday was related to his hospital adventure.  His leg is again inflamed and red and painful.  He is again on an antibiotic treatment.  So he spends half the day today at the doctor’s office and pharmacy and I spend the same half day, and more, cooking in the kitchen.  Remember in yesterday’s blog I mentioned REFRIGERATOR SOUP and today was the day I planned to make it.  I got the bright idea of making two pots of refrigerator soup AND A STRATTA!  Somebody take me out and shoot me!  Remind me not to do that again.  However, I had so much food that needed to be used up that I knew I had to use it or lose it.  I made two huge pots of soup that are cooling down as I write.  I have no idea how many quarts it will fill.  The only problem is that I do not have very many empty quart jars to fill.  So I have scavenged my kitchen finding anything I could freeze in.  I’ll know later if I have enough capacity.  One soup is a tomato base and has many, many different vegetables in it.  The other soup is a chicken broth base with cabbage, carrots, onions, and beans!  It’s got what we call “GO POWER”.  It is delicious.  And my refrigerator has a bit more space.  But, I still have too many vegetables that I can’t use us quickly enough.  We’re working on eating them in salads.  I do want to mention that I worked VERY, VERY HARD all afternoon to accomplish two pots of soup and one huge vegetable strata that will be baked tomorrow.  Our freezers are about full and the veggie season is just a little over half over for us.  I guess I’ll have to invite a lot of company to help eat it up.  I always have plenty of volunteers for that.  Dave saved my life tonight.  Thankfully he was feeling well enough to clean up the kitchen for me.  He is always so good about that and I appreciate it so much.  I am exhausted.  I started work about 1:00 p.m. and finished at 9:00 with just one break for a short dinner time at the table.  And now I am sitting and don’t know if I’ll be able to rise when I am finished.

My food stories may be the most boring to read but just so you know I am very pleased with my accomplishments when I work so hard, and so thankful to God for the bounty that he provides for us each day.  When I work with real live food, it makes me realize the greatness of our Heavenly Father for providing such food, over and over, year after year, that we may eat and be healthy.  I am so sorry when I think of all the people who have the opportunity to eat whole, live, nutritious foods and rather choose to eat from boxes of prepared foods with ingredients that you cannot even pronounce, much less know what exactly it is that you are putting into your body.  I ate like that for years so I cannot point a finger.  All I know is that it feels so good to feel good, and that only happened after I changed my food intake due to extremely poor health and diagnosis.

INTERUPTION…DAVE JUST WALKED INTO THE SUNROOM WHERE I AM AND INTERRUPTED MY TYPING AND ASKED ME “ARE YOU LOOKING FOR SOME WISDOM FOR TODAY’S BLOG?”  I ANSWERED “YES”.  DAVE THEN CONTINUED TO TELL ME THAT WHEN HE WAS AT THE BANK TODAY HE SAW A NOTE THAT A BANKER HAD STUCK ON ANOTHER BANKER’S DESK THAT READ:

“WHAT YOU ALLOW, IS WHAT WILL CONTINUE”!  

And I thought to myself, how appropriate to be inserted exactly where he interrupted me.

Remember that it is only you that can change you.  You cannot change another person, no matter how much you love them and want the best for them.  Change must happen from the inside of self.  I now understand that.  I always had excuses and yes but… Just as the book said that I told you about last week.  We must get off our buts, all the “yes, buts” and make no more excuses for not accomplishing what we want to accomplish in our lives.  It is only you, it is only me that can decide if change will happen.  And then again, perhaps there are some who are so perfect that there is no need to change.

I will take the liberty of a quote from “YOU CAN’T AFFORD THE LUXURY OF A NEGATIVE THOUGHT” by Peter McWilliams, page 163:

“Focusing on the positive may not be as strong yet; it may, in fact, be a 97-pound weakling.  The way to make it strong is to exercise it.  Use it often.  Unlike physical exercise, if you do too much positive focusing, you will seldom wake up sore the next morning.

DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT TO BECOME STRONGER IN.  BECOME STRONG BY DOING IT.”

Okay, so where is my poem coming from today?  The problem is…I must think…and it is getting late.

GIVE THANKS TO GOD

By Kathleen Martens

August 21, 2015

My day winding down

My body is still.

Night cloaks around me,

And peacefully fills

My heart and my mind

With complete satisfaction

As a result of my day

And all of my action.

A good feeling to know

I accomplished my goal

By starting early

And staying on a roll.

It was not easy

And my feet became sore,

But I determined to finish

All the more.

So do what you plan,

And plan what you do

Work diligently to accomplish

Until you are through.

Give thanks to God

For His strength He lends,

And when energy gets low,

More He sends.

Goodnight and God bless you!