Tuesday July 21, 2015  MAKING PROGRESS

Slowly, slowly we are making progress.  Dave is progressing in his healing and we are both progressing in our stand to reclaim our house!  You saw the pictures last night of the kitchen eating area packed full of “stuff” from the sunroom.  Well about 90% of that accumulation is now back where it belongs.  However, anything that felt like clutter I did not put back in.  It is still in the kitchen floor awaiting for my footsteps to carry it downstairs.  We also have our dressing room about 95% back up to snuff.  Again, the “stuff” of clutter did not go back in.  At least that is a start.  I included pictures tonight that shows our sun room put back together.  I enjoy my sun room (Dave never uses it because the furniture is wicker and he doesn’t trust it and besides, it has no television).

Today Dave and I each made a list.  We made a list separate from each other, no discussion first except to know what kind of list to make.  We were to make a list of all the tasks around the house that needed to be accomplished to make our house uncluttered and easy to live in.  Well, we did just that.  He wrote his list, I wrote mine.  We were curious to see how many of our “jobs” would overlap.  Dave wrote down 19 on his list.  I wrote down 36 on mine.  What we truly found surprising was the fact that neither one of us overlapped on any jobs.  Each list was unique unto itself.  It was quite enlightening to see how each of our minds work when thinking about what needs to be done.  And the really good thing about that is that we were both 100% right!  All the jobs need to be done!  Most of his list were things that he would probably do by himself just because of the nature of the job.  My list was jobs, which I hoped he would be available to help me with, all pertained to the inside.  Some things on my list were personal only for me but a lot could be shared.  Isn’t it wonderful how two minds can so compliment each other.  If only my jobs were accomplished, by the time I was finished, the outside of the house would be falling down or at least in bad shape.  If only his jobs were accomplished he would find that the inside of the house would probably be uninhabitable.

My list was mostly about the order in which I wanted to go through rooms and closets and cabinets, etc.  His was about cleaning up the yard and trimming the trees in the woods, and cleaning gutters and power washing the brick on the house and the terrace.  It was an eye opener to us both.  Oh man, I don’t ever want anything to happen to him.  There were a lot of other priorities on the list but mostly it was as I stated above, me – house, Dave – yard.

Hopefully by the time I go into the hospital the main level will be clean.  But boy you should see the lower level.  We have about 2200 square feet on the upper level and about the same on the lower level.  The lower level is a bit larger because if has shop under the garage and sun room that is about 20X40 feet.  That is a big job for Dave just keeping the shop orderly and up and in running order.  A couple of years ago we rented a dumpster that was 10 feet wide by 20 feet long and 4 feet high.  We filled it to the very top from shop accumulation.  And we could probably do it again.  We are so excited to both be able to focus on what we have long had to overlook due to our busy schedules and long hours at the job.

I have really arrived at knowing in my heart that I really do want to be retired from photography.  It was a long road to retirement (3 years) and now that I have made the commitment in my heart, it is standing the test of my decision.  And though I am not finished with the wedding work, another wedding, and one last newborn session, (I finished the high school senior work).  I am still beginning to FEEL like it is true.  I think that is because Dave is home now with me every day.  I love having him home.  I just asked him if he liked having me home during the day.  He said “Yes”.  I asked him what he liked most about me being home.  He answered “I just like you being around”.  I’ll guess I’ll have to settle for that.

I truly think I am making better decisions about our retirement together, expectations, behaviors, the closeness and such because of having gone on my trip and talking to so many couples who are living in retirement together.  I watched and observed and found there were so many interesting pointers I picked up.  I so much want our ending years together to harmonious and loving and fulfilling to both of us.  I don’t want to bicker and backlash at each other because of the close confinement.  I desire freedom and I desire for Dave to have the same freedom.  He knows he has an independent wife and has always supported me in anything I wanted to try, or do, or places I wanted to go.  I see so many other couples living around me who do not have that freedom in their relationships, especially the women.  I don’t know what it would be like if my husband demanded me to be home to fix his lunch or for any other reason for that matter.  That would drive me crazy.  We have a master calendar and all our appointments are coordinated on that calendar.   If I am going someplace for the day or an extended time it is always on the calendar so Dave know what to expect for safety reasons.  Likewise for him.  We plan outings with each other (right now it is all Doctor appointments for Dave and now me with surgery coming up) but it is a plan that seems to work for us in our limited experience.

I just feel so blessed by God to have my husband with me after all these years and to have the husband I have.  There is no one else in the world I could imagine spending the rest of my life with.  I hope that all of you who read this blog and still have your spouse would feel that way about each other.  I think what makes it all so wonderful is that I have such peace and joy in my heart that comes from the Lord.  When God is the central part of your marriage, life is so much more pleasant than living in the “world’s way”.  I am listening to another series from Calvary Chapel Modesto.  I am listening to the book of Proverbs.  Proverbs is one of my most favorite books in the Bible.  I think I have worn that book out in my Bible from reading it so often.  If you haven’t really read and studied it, do  yourself a great big favor and get it out and study it verse by verse.  Better yet, go to the website and listen to the teaching on Proverbs from Calvary Chapel Modesto.  New insights and understanding are revealed to me daily through this teaching.  I can barely retain my excitement knowing that I have the entire Bible to go through with this teaching.  I can’t wait to listen to them all.  It makes working out at the gym something I really look forward to because that is when I listen the most.

Okay, if this blog is boring I am sorry.  For those of you who have asked me to continue to write a blog just know that you will be reading about the mundane and ordinary happenings of someone who is getting a little older each day.  I didn’t climb any mountains today but I will tell you that I am more tired than I ever was when I was climbing the mountains in Washington and Canada.  This is hard work getting 4 months of dirt out of your house (much more so is getting 30 years of clutter out) and I’m not even doing it all myself.  My new motto is LESS IS MORE.  I am aiming for less.  Less stuff to dust, less clothes to wash, less clutter to work around, less of everything. (Except books)!  Remember, if I had a bucket list it would have one desire.  I would like to read every book I own before I die.  And my library is extensive.  Books are my downfall and since I have run out of shelf space I am having to be creative when it comes to where I park them.  Right now, that 10% of the sun room that I didn’t get put back, are stacks of books on the kitchen hallway floor to be taken downstairs.

We have plans for a larger library but I must first sell all my studio equipment.  That was one of the things on my list.  We have given a priority of order to what we are doing so we can get certain things accomplished before the cold weather comes.  I’ll go into more of that later if anyone is interested.  Here in Wisconsin all things are seasonal and the weather must be taken into consideration.

I think of so many interesting things to tell you as the day progresses and then by nightfall all my thoughts of the day have seemingly gone to bed.  And to bed I must follow.  Another busy day awaits me tomorrow.

WHAT AWAITS TOMORROW?

By Kathleen Martens

July 21, 2015

What awaits tomorrow

I never truly know.

But God has a plan

When it’s time He will show.

I need not worry,

Nor do I fret.

I follow my schedule

And try not forget.

I live each day

One moment at a time.

It is truly the only way

To live a life sublime.

No matter if there is struggle

Or things don’t go right,

God is in total control

Regardless of my plight.

Never do I need fear,

For perfect love casteth out

Leaving absolutely no room

For even the smallest doubt.

When I arise at daybreak

It is the day the Lord has made.

I will rejoice and be glad

For my life He has paid.

He ransomed me from sin and death

As on the cross He died

He is the Savior of my soul

The one who was crucified.

So as I await tomorrow

I’m not promised it will come

But one thing I know for sure

If it doesn’t I’ll be with God’s Son.

And what better day

Could there ever be

To awaken alive in heaven

My Savior’s face to see?

Well, I didn’t mean for that poem to be so long but it just kept coming.

Enjoy each moment of your life for it is part of eternity.

Love to you all!

Sunday Sabbath  July 19, 2015  AN EMAIL AND A RESPONSE

When I sit down at the kitchen counter each evening to begin my blog I always check my gmail.  My charter.net accounts only get checked about once a week or so.  Well tonight I had an email from my cousin Joyce.  I stayed with Joyce, who lives with her daughter in Redding, while I was on my trip.  I had a time with her like I had with no other.  I was at her home longer than anyplace else I stayed.  Some places I was only able to stay one night due to my delayed departure and the fact that I needed to be in Redding at a certain time to attend a weeklong conference.  I didn’t see much of either cousin during the first week due to the strenuous schedule we had during the class days.  Before I left on my trip things were a bit hectic due to a medical condition that came up and postponed my trip.  Because of  the doctor visits and unplanned situations that arose I was not able to book the second part of my trip because I had no time to be on the phone or internet.  So, while at Joyce’s daughter’s house I made most of the rest of my reservations which was very time consuming to say the least.  I still didn’t get to spend much time with her on a one to one level.  But the one thing I did do was enjoy every moment we had together.  It was a time of renewing our past relationship, reminiscing, talking about our lives and our extended families.  Things are different when you are all grown up than what they are when you are children growing up as cousins.

I think I found in Joyce a “sister”.  Though I have 4 sisters, there was just a connection that I felt was more like sisters than cousins.  I so enjoyed every moment we were together.  While on my trip there were a lot of things that I mentioned to one person that I might not mention to another.  Things that just slipped my mind or didn’t seem important at the time, or just forgot who I had already told or not told.  I can’t remember if I told Joyce about the fact that I had to have surgery when I returned home.  Joyce reads my blog and I had mentioned having surgery and she sent me an email asking about the specifics.  The email was short and simple and could have been answered with two sentences.  But…just in case you haven’t noticed, I don’t answer anything in two sentences.

If you have read every blog you may remember me mentioning I was having surgery when I arrived home.  As I responded to Joyce’s email I was writing a personal account in a private email to an intimate friend (cousin) and did not mince words, but said it like it is.  After reading it I decided that because I wrote it unfiltered I would not be able to do it better if I had to filter it for the blog.  I asked my husband if he minded if I talked about my breast surgery on my blog.  He said no, not if I was comfortable with it.  He just didn’t want me talking about HIS BODY.

Just in case you didn’t know, WOMEN HAVE BREASTS!  There is always such a hush, hush about a woman having to have surgery on said breast.  Well, when you find out someone has a tumor, or cancer, or a mass, usually the first thing we want to know is where is it located in the body.  That answers so many questions as to how it will affect them, what will be done, etc..  Well, my two masses are located in my right breast.  As my story unfolded in the email I sent to Joyce I realized after I had written it that this is how I would want it to be told to anyone who knew I am having surgery.

First of all, before you read the email I want to state that I find it very interesting that I am sharing this part of my life.  When I had breast surgery three years agoto remove another nonmalignant tumor I only told two closest friends.  We didn’t even tell  our children until after the surgery and we found out it was nonmalignant.  Needless to say they had a fit!  I won’t do that again!  So instead, I’ll tell the whole world!  Well, at least to those who read my blog and that is probably less than 300 people.  So, with just a few minor changes in my email to leave out personal information I am sharing a private email I wrote to my cousin because I don’t think I could explain it any better than I already have.

Name: Joyce
Email
Comment: What is the date of your surgery and what are they doing?
I will be praying for good results and your speedy recovery.
So happy for Dave finally being able to retire.

Hi Joyce:

We need another long talk.  I so miss you!  I think I found in you another sister I would love to have.

Before I left on my trip (one week before my scheduled departure date) I felt a lump in my breast while at the gym.  I went to the doctor the next day.  He pushed me through the medical trail as quickly as possible because he knew I was planning to leave. I had to postpone my trip for one week while everything happened.  First I had a mammogram.  The mammogram showed that I had two masses.  One is where the previous tumor had been removed three years ago (a non-malignant growth) and the other mass is attached to my chest wall at the back of my breast near the sternum.  Then I had an ultra sound and this confirmed the mammogram.  Then I had a core biopsy and lead wires to the tumor locations were implanted in my breast at that time so the surgeon would have a wire that would show on the ultra sound during surgery to lead him to the right place.

I am scheduled for a partial mastectomy.  I will lose breast tissue inside my breast but my outer breast should stay intact, perhaps be less tissue inside so a bit lopsided or saggy.  However, due to the mass on my chest wall the surgeon indicated that though he was going to try to save my breast he could not guarantee it due to the fact that he doesn’t know what he will find when he tries to remove the mass on the chest wall.  If it is too involved I will have a full mastectomy of the right breast.  Since no cancer showed in the core biopsies the doctor gave me the choice to continue with my travel plans or have the surgery first, and delay the trip by several weeks.  He actually already had me on the surgery schedule.  I chose to go on with my trip and have the surgery when I returned.

My breast hurt off and on during my trip and was very sore.  The tumor close to the surface was the most bothersome.  I chose to not let it bother me and I was never worried or concerned about the fact that I would be having surgery when I returned.  I thought I told you about it while I was there.  Maybe I didn’t remember to tell you.  I just didn’t think about it often and had no worry about it.  And now the time has come.  One week from tomorrow I will either awaken with my breast intact or gone.  I won’t know until I awaken from surgery.  My surgery date is Monday July 27th. I don’t know the time yet.  I’ll find that out on Friday of this week.

Thank you for your prayers and for thinking about me during this time. One of the reasons I originally wanted to go on my trip is that I have three close friends who have been fighting for their lives due to cancer.  Each one is in the survival mode at present but two of them had very close encounters with death and fought a long hard battle.  I knew nothing about my two masses at that time.  I told Dave I wanted to see these lifelong friends before they died.  At the time I said it, two of my friends were very close to dying.  After I had my biopsy of the tumors, but before we had the results back Dave said  “I hope you aren’t going on this trip so you can see everyone before YOU die”.  It was difficult for Dave to go through the unknowing part of whether it was malignant or not. It was so good to get benign results back.  But, you know, when I think about it, if I had a terminal disease and it was going to take my life I think I would purposely go and see all the people I have loved through this life one more time if I was able to do so.

As I went from place to place and visited with so many people from my past, including family members, I realized that this very well may be the last time I see some of them.  Some are old, up in their 90’s, some are ill, some are so far out of the way I may never get that way again, but at least I had the opportunity to see those I loved one last time.  Some I was not able to see due to circumstances and dates not matching for a rendezvous.  Some I drove an entire day or more one way to see them.  It was so worth it to me.

Thank you Joyce for being so sweet and kind to me while I was with you.  You made me feel so welcome and so special.  I just want you to know I will never forget it.

You ask a couple of questions and you practically get a private blog.

Speaking of blog…I haven’t written one yet tonight so I better scoodle-doodle!

I love you!

Wanda Kathleen

************************************************************************************************************

And that is the end of the email correspondence.

Now to the nitty-gritty of my day.  I have a lot to do before I am down for the count.  All that food that I keep receiving must be cared for and appreciated for its value.  Especially for its value of being fresh and organic and so healthy for us.  Also, I do not like to see waste.  So again, today on my Sunday Sabbath I spent my day in the kitchen.  My freezer is filling up and my refrigerator never seems to be less empty.  Today, with Dave’s intermittent help we cleaned the entire refrigerator out.  Cleaned all the shelves, and took out every drawer and sorted and cooked and ate all that could be eaten.  And my refrigerator is still overly full, but oh so clean!  And I thank God for the bounty He has provided for us.

Our neighbors have been so kind to us.  Since Dave has been sick our neighbor insists on mowing our lawn with her rider mower.  We have had so many offers of food for when I go in for surgery.  It is so amazing how wonderful our neighbors really are.  We are blessed to live on such a little street and have such great neighbors close by.  If you don’t know your neighbors go knock on some doors and introduce yourself.  I think people really do want to get to know their neighbors but don’t know how to go about it.  If the time ever comes and I have enough time to write the story about my neighbor who lived next door to us for about 27 or 28 years I shall do so.  It is a story so amazing that it has eternal results.

Well guys, I am going to do something I hope I don’t’ regret.  On the other hand, if I’m already thinking I’ll regret it perhaps I shouldn’t do it at all. What a quandary.  And Dave is already in bed and I can’t ask him for his opinion.

Before I left on my trip and surgery was discussed I went home from the surgeon’s office and wrote one of my “personal” poems.  I mean no disrespect to any who have suffered with breast surgery, cancer, or the quandary of what to do in that situation.  It is just that this is what came to my mind as I was thinking about being in that same dilemma.  I actually wrote a nice poem this morning during church service, pertaining to what the preacher was teaching on and then after writing the blog using my email to Joyce, I remembered another poem which I wrote on February 28.  I hope it will not taint your mind toward me.

I’LL STOCK IT!

By Kathleen Martens

February 28, 2015

What will it be like

To have an empty bra pocket?

Well, come to think of it,

With my sock I’ll stock it.

The breast of my youth

Where I suckled my son,

Now small and withered

When once they were fun.

Two bags of fat

To carry all around,

And now so small

They can barely be found.

But if it must go

To the Doctors I’ll give

If it will allow me

More years to live.

This following is what I wrote in my journal immediately following that poem:

“Lord, thank You for a sense of humor.  I think when I get to heaven I would love to hear you laugh.

Lord, what word do you have for me?

Psalm 63:3-5

‘Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise You.  Thus I will bless You while I live.  I will lift my hands in Your name, My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness, and my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips’

What a great scripture for this hour.

(Following are the heart sounds I received from the Lord following the poem and the above words)

I am your strong protection and I receive the praise from your lips as you honor me all day long.  I receive the song of love you sing to Me.  It is My song in you that comes back to Me as a sweet aroma.  Speak to others with your lips, with psalms, songs, and spiritual songs that your praise will combine to make music unto Me.  Regardless the circumstances clap your hands in joy.  When you are filled with joy, My peace will well up like a river.  I am light and in Me there is no darkness.  I will be faithful to you until the end of time for I have called you to be joint heir with My only begotten son.  That is how much I love you.”

Good night and have a great MONDAY!

(See!  At least I remember tomorrow is not SATURDAY)

Saturday July 18 2015  EVEN ON SATURDAY I CAN’T GET IT RIGHT!

TODAY is actually Saturday.  The real Saturday.  And I thought it was Friday.  But only once, and only for a minute.  Getting these days straight is like being on vacation without a calendar.  I think the only reason I actually followed the days right while I was traveling (most of the time) was because I wrote my blog each night and my computer has the date and time on the screen.  So at least once a day I knew exactly what the date was.  However, it doesn’t tell me the day of the week!

Dave has actually been home from the hospital for a full week now and we are getting used to retirement.  I actually think it will take a long time to get used to the idea.  Especially after I really do finish all my work.  I have my surgery a week from Monday.  That again will put me out of the norm.  Please pray for a speedy recover as I have out of town company on the following Sunday August 2^nd.   Our daughter’s birth grandmother will be coming to stay three nights.  Unless she reads my blog she may not know I have surgery scheduled.  I didn’t tell her because I really wanted her to come.  I absolutely love having her visit.  She has come every August for the past nine years.  We reconnected with Rebecca’s birth family at that time and have been included into their family with heartfelt love.  Rebecca has a wonderful relationship with her birth mother, two half sisters and half brother.  Her birth mom is Carole and she is married to my favorite composer, David Hollandsworth.  Rebecca claims him too has part of her family.

As I drove across country I can’t tell you how many times I listened to the CD’s that David wrote and performed.  When I put one of his CD’s in my player it seemed to synchronize to the amazing creation of God that I was viewing at that moment.  The grandeur of the mountains and oceans and desert and canyons and open sky seemed to beckon the musical symphony.  It felt like I was in a movie and the score had been written just for that scene.  It reminded me of the beauty of the music written for the movie GONE WITH THE WIND.  David’s music will forever mark the passage of the miles I traveled across big empty places, the high mountain roads, the unending desert land, the coasts of California and Oregon.  I listen to the music now at home and the visual memory of where I was pops up in my mind.  Some believe it is smell that evokes such strong sensory memory.  For me it will ever be TIMELESS, the last CD Carole sent me before I started my trip.  If you are reading this Carole I just want to say THANK YOU again for your beautiful gift of your husband’s music.  I so appreciate the gift you gave to me.

I say with trepidation (especially if my cousin Paulette is reading this blog) that today was another “food obsession” day.  I wouldn’t really call it “obsession”, but rather a WORK DAY.  I made over 16 quarts of two different kinds of soup.  Worked out early at the gym, came home and worked the rest of the day on the soups.  The only really good thing about it, is that I was able to get a lot of food out of my fridge and it went directly to the freezer when done.  A couple of jars made it back to the fridge for us to eat on tomorrow and the next day.  I worked hard, on my feet all day and now I have a good tired overtaking my body.  It feels good to be tired after a good days work.

I just want to share with all of you how amazing it is for me to listen to such excellent teaching from the church I told you about a few days ago.  Calvary Chapel Modesto has a media center that posts all the teachings that their pastors do.  I just finished listening to all the CD’s on Ecclesiastes. It was an awesome group of sermons.  I highly recommend them.  For the first time I now realize why and how Solomon wrote this book in the Old Testament.  I never could really figure it out before.  I enjoy listening to sermons while at the gym and before going to sleep at night.  When my husband and I awaken in the morning we listen to a CD together.  We are currently studying Matthew.  I actually plan to listen to the entire Bible series by Damian Kyle.

It’s 8:24 p.m. and I am falling asleep here at the computer.  My gift to the Lord has not yet been written so let me see what is in my heart tonight.

MY PERFECT LOVE

By Kathleen Martens

July 18, 2015

What is in my heart this hour

That I need know from my King?

Lord, please put Your wisdom deep within

So to others Your love I bring.

Let Your love shine from my eyes

Your countenance be on my face.

Take me Lord where You want me to go

That I am always in the right place.

I ask that God would use me

And He tells me to sit still.

He says, JUST REST IN MY PRESENCE

And allow your heart to be filled.

I ask what He wants me to say

And He says LISTEN THAT I MAY KNOW

It is not the words you speak

But the love to others you show.

I ask where He wants me to go

And He says just FOLLOW MY PATH

Stray not to the right or left,

And you will never experience My wrath.

I ask how I can reach out and touch

A life that is filled with pain,

He said FOCUS ON PRAISING ME

And that will be your gain.

I askm Lord, how is it I can know

Exactly what I’m supposed to do?

He said READ MY WORD

For that will get you through.

Fret not about all your tomorrows

SPEND TIME IN MY PRESENT.

For this is the now that lasts forever

And our intimacy will be pleasant.

And when your spirit is filled with Mine

You will have answers to questions above.

And then all I have called you to do

Will be accomplished through MY PERFECT LOVE.

Thank you for reading the poem God put in my heart this night to share with you.

Good night.

Friday July 17 2015  A DAY OF THANKS!

Why is July 17th a day of thanks?  I’ll tell you why.  Thirty six years ago today I gave birth to my son.  He was born two months early and things weren’t going so well.  He was transferred to another hospital to the NICU center.  His entire first year did not go too well.  But since we are celebrating his 36^th birthday you can conclude that he did survive.

Tonight when I hugged him I was so thankful that I have shared 37 celebrations of his life.  That he survived the first 24 hours was a great celebration!  We did not know if we would ever share another birthday with him.

As I hugged him I thought about the parents who this week lost an eleven year old son due to being run over by a car while he was riding his bicycle.  They only had 12 celebrations of his life.  I am so thankful for every day that my son has lived.  My heart so sad for all the birthdays the grieving parents will no longer experience.  Never take anyone you love for granted.  Every day is a gift.

Courtland and his family came over this evening for a birthday celebration dinner.  It is always a joy to have my family over so I can make food they like and share in the enjoyment of once again having my son at our dinner table.  On birthdays we like to tell stories about the birthday person.  It is a fun time and I always learn something new as I listen to the stories.  It is delightful to hear the stories that the three and seven year old tell.  The three year takes a story that someone else has told and enhances it quite a bit.  I think he even believes that what he says is true.  Tonight the seven year old told the story about his dad coming over and having dinner with us.  It was a very current story.

After the story time I asked each one to give Courtland wisdom they would like to share with him.  Dave went first and actually gave him the same wisdom I was going to share.  He told Courtland to never get too busy with all the things and hustle and bustle of life that he did not take time out to enjoy the everyday and ordinary things with his family.  He encouraged him to live in the moment.

So I had to come  up with something new.  My wisdom to Courtland was to not neglect his spiritual life.  To be certain he trained his boys in the way of the Lord and had them in church so it would become a way of life to them.  I told him to walk with integrity so that his sons would see his life walked out as a Christian Father.  I recommended that he walk the walk.

This morning on the way to the gym I stopped at a garage sale in my neighborhood.  It is a family I only know through our neighbor get-to-gathers.  The daughter just graduated and is going off to college.  I asked her what wisdom she had for others at this stage in her life.  Ashley’s wisdom was:  “Don’t sweat the small stuff”.  That may be a short sentence and one that we have heard many times over in our lifetimes but until you learn how to “not sweat the small stuff”  you don’t really understand how difficult it is to learn.  If more people could just learn that earlier I think the world would be a much friendlier place.  Thank you Ashley for your timely wisdom.  I pray that as you grow into full blown adulthood that you will remember these words of wisdom today and take them to heart.  You are already one step ahead of so many others in knowing this lesson of life.

DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF

By Kathleen Martens

July 17, 2015

Sometimes it’s the little things

That turn into all the big.

Little misunderstandings

Cause us to dance a jig.

Maybe we should listen more

And really hear what is said,

And just sleep on what makes you mad

Instead of worry, just go to bed.

Think on what bothers you,

Mull it over in your mind.

In the morning speak your piece

With words that are kind.

Understand the other’s view

And listen as they explain

There are always two opinions

Do not hear their words in vain.

Give just thought to their beliefs

It will be different that’s for sure,

And when you do understand

Misunderstandings may be cured.

You will no longer suffer

From angry and malicious thoughts,

Because the small stuff is unimportant

In its struggle you’re no longer caught.

So…don’t sweat the small stuff

Place your focus on what is true.

Put your eyes on God alone,

Peace and joy will come to you.

Then the small stuff stays

Exactly where it should be.

Your spirit is no longer bound

By only what YOU see!

Well, I didn’t know that Ashley’s wisdom would by my inspiration for today’s poem.  And timely I think it was.  For you see, when I tried to publish this blog I did something incorrectly and lost everything except the poem.  I had to totally rewrite everything (except the poem).

It is late, Dave is asleep, so I will publish and go to bed.  Dave is slowly making strides toward healing.  I think he may have overtaxed himself today helping me do some things to prepare for tonight’s birthday celebration.  His leg is still painful and red.  His next appointment is Tuesday.  He is on oral drugs until then.  Please pray that healing will continue daily.

My first blog was quite a bit longer and more detailed.  Sorry for the “quick” version.

Good night and God bless you!

Thursday July 16, 2015  THE DAY IS NOT LONG ENOUGH!

No day is long enough!  No matter how early I get up, no matter how late I stay up, I cannot get done, in  one day, all I want to get done.  Does anyone else ever feel that way?  Why is that?  Are the days too short?  Or am I just slow? (Don’t answer that!) Or do I just have too much to do…or…have I arrived at that place in life where my body can’t cash the checks my mind writes?  That’s what Dave’s father used to say “My mind writes checks my body can’t cash”. He lived to be 101 years old. I now understand what he meant.  If you don’t understand, just live a few more years and you’ll find it true.  However, I think I’ll just keep writing the checks and let my body cash as many as it can.  I hope I never get to the place where I just want to give up.

Today is another one of those days of food obsession.  I have already cooked some from my farm box, cleaned some, put most of it in the fridge and getting ready to put the rest in the pot that’s boiling when it’s time.  And…I think there will be another box to bring in.   A big box packed full of corn on the cobb, green beans, beets, turnips, kale, baby salad greens (2 bags), huge head of cone shaped cabbage, zucchini  and yellow crookneck squash, cucumbers, Swiss chard, beet greens, a huge head of broccoli, another kind of green leaves, and a big fluffy head of lettuce.  That’s in the first box.  Then I have a greens share only box full of greens AND THEN…someone else left their box again tonight (usually someone is on vacation) and so I just brought it in and tried  to get it into the fridge.  Couldn’t quite make it so put some in a box in the garage, the cabbage, broccoli, and beets and greens.  So that makes a lot more work for me to do tomorrow.  Some I will give away if I have a chance.

I have already cooked a great portion of the kale and been greens and Swiss chard and now the turnips and beets are steaming on top of the “mess of greens” flavored with vinegar.  Coming from Arkansas we make what we call “pot liquor”.  Greens cooked down with a bit of oil, vinegar, salt, pepper, a touch of sugar and then put the turnips and whatever other root vegetable you have on top of the greens after they are cooked and let them cook until tender.  If you don’t know what “pot liquor” is good for, just ask me later.  I’ll tell you.  Just not on my blog.

We receive a box like this for 26 week.  The vegetables change with the seasons.  Then we receive two winter box delivers two weeks apart in October and November.  Each deliver can be between 3 to 6 full boxes with each delivery.  That is a lot of food.  I am not so much obsessed about eating the food as I am about working with the food.  I love handling fresh produce and creating delicious concoctions from what I get in the boxes.  I’ve been accused of eating weird.  I guess I like eating weird.

What happens in my day is what you get in my blog.  Today was food obsession day.  Also, ironing day.  Remember all those clothes I had in my car?  Well everything had to be washed and ironed.  So my ironing pile is now completed!  That is a good feeling because now I can wear anything I want.  And the best part, is that they still fit.  Can’t remember if I mentioned how much weight I gained eating across the country.  I seriously thought I had gained 20 pounds, but, it was only 5 pounds.  That was a relief.

Oh dear, I have not written a poem yet for this day.  Let’s see what comes.

SUMMER MAGIC

By Kathleen Martens

July 16, 2015

Summer evening sings it song

In meadow green through shaded trees.

Twilight stillness in reverence sweet

Twinkling lights blink back at me.

Arks of wonder sweep the air,

A magical dance with such grace

Sparkles in wondrous search

For a tranquil mating place.

Warmth and humidity in repose,

Wet earth in fragrance sweet,

The fire flies sparkle their love

Until their lover they meet.

This poem was inspired this evening as I stood at the north end of the house from its high vantage point.  As I looked out the window I could see through the gaps in the tall trees to the meadow below the house.  It was so green and quiet and peaceful.  And the fireflies were dancing their summer dance.  There were so many that the area was just twinkling.  I just stood there for a long time watching as the daylight faded and twilight cast its magical light, fading from light to dark.  The fire flies do a little ark as they fly toward the earth hoping to attract a mate.   It is the male lightening bugs that twinkle their rears hoping to attract a mate.  When the female decides which mate she chooses she has a very small twinkle that will notify the mate. When they finally attract each other they fall to the earth, consummate their union and their life ends shortly thereafter.  Before death the female lays her eggs in the earth where the larva will survive on slugs and worms and other creepy crawly things that live in the soil.  And just for the record, fire flies are not flies at all.  They come from the beetle family.  Whatever family they come from they are magical to watch at twilight.  Often people in this area refer to them as lightening bugs.

My twilight is dark, my day is done. My greens are cooked.  It’s time to go to bed and have some fun (well at least go to sleep).

Good night my friends.  Sandra, it was nice talking to you today!  I love you!

P.S.  My wisdom today:  When you are angry, take time to cool down before uttering a word.  When the anger has subsided you will be glad you did not say all you thought of saying while angry.  Once a word is spoken it can never be taken back.

Tuesday July 14 2015  I DID NOT MEET MY EXPECTATIONS!

When I awakened this morning I had a list of expectations I thought I would accomplish.  Later today I decided that I should just not expect anything from myself right now.  That way, like the other day, if I do succeed in accomplishing something I will have exceeded my expectations.  And that always feels good.  Today, I did not meet my earlier expectations.

Tomorrow will be lost to me also.  But at least I already know that.  And…it is for a good cause.  My two little grandson’s need a place to stay while their dad (my son) goes into work on his day off for a debriefing of being first responder to a child hit by a car who later died at the hospital.  He has been a police officer for about 16 years now.  He is one of the good guys.  It is not always easy being the mother of a police officer in today’s chaotic world.  He is currently in law school so perhaps his police career will end when he finishes law school.  I don’t really know for certain what his ultimate plan is, but he understands that we support him in whatever he does.  I just pray often. He is, and has always been, a wonderful son.  Now he has two beautiful boys who both are carbon copies of him when he was three and seven years old.  I feel like I am in the room with three variations of him when they are all here together.  Maybe that is what old age does for you, makes you forget the naughty things you kids did  years ago and every child he will ever have will look exactly like him, regardless of what they really look like.  All I know is that they are all handsome!

We have a beautiful daughter too!  She and her husband and our grand-dogs, Coal and Jackson, live far away so we don’t get to see them often.  And of course Rebecca looks just like me, even if she is adopted!  We have been blessed as a family.

My husband is improving.  He had another IV antibiotic dose today and we go back to the doctor tomorrow afternoon (after the grandson’s get picked up) and another dose of antibiotics.  He will be reassessed at that time to determine what follow up will be done in regards to medications.  His leg looked much improved this morning when I looked at it.  I haven’t seen it since this morning but I will check it before bed.

Niggling in the back of my head is that design work I must accomplish.  I was hoping to have it finished by the time I went into the hospital in less than two weeks for surgery.  That would make me a happy camper!  Thursday I will have an uninterrupted day (that is my day off from the gym) and plan to not allow ANYTHING OR ANYBODY to take away my expectations for getting a good start on the project.  I sometime wonder if it so difficult for other people (especially retired ones) to have a day go as planned?  I will make my plans, and take a stab at the day.  So if any of you are out there and reading this, PLEASE DO NOT STOP BY OR CALL ME ON THE PHONE ON THURSDAY (unless it is a dire emergency).  I just don’t answer the phone when I am working.  So go ahead and call if you need to leave a message.

When I am at home like this you can certainly see that I am not traveling or climbing mountains or investigating gorges. But…I enjoy every day I have breath and give praise and thanks to the Lord.  And I especially give thanks for Dave having breath and recovering from what could have developed into something much worse.  He still needs prayer for complete healing.

Actually I am really enjoying being home despite Dave’s episode in the hospital.  I am back in the kitchen.  I love cooking and enjoy making good food.  I know I made some people crazy when I was using their kitchen, and for that I am truly sorry.  But thank you so much for allowing me to make some of my favorite dishes.  I have been reminiscing about my trip and I have so many wonderful memories.  Are there things I would do differently if I could do it over, you bet, but God is working with me on settling my regrets.  And my regrets are few.

The memories that so readily come to mind are the ocean, especially in Monterey and Big Sur when I was with my cousin Bill and his wife.  They were both so generous with their time and  providing me with tickets to the Monterey Aquarium and for a bus tour showing me the locations where movies were filmed in that area.  Both were absolutely spectacular experiences.  Bill even took a day off work to spend with me and gave me a personal driving tour of the beaches and pointed out beautiful places to go when on my own.  The ocean is calling me back.  Oh how I miss it.

The other memories that draw me back are the ones in Oregon and Washington.  I fell in love with the Columbia River Gorge, all the waterfalls, rock climbing, and all the scenic snowcapped mountains in the area.  Charlene and Larry were like my own personal tour guides.  It was so awesome!

Another highlight to me was touring Butchart Gardens in Victoria on Vancouver Island B.C. on June 12^th.  That was a day unto itself.  I did a detailed blog on my day there.  I went alone and was just in reverie in my solo experience.  I was doing some serious photographing that day and when I am in the photographer stance, I might as well be alone because I lose contact with those around me.  Put a real camera in my hands and I am in never, never land.  I still haven’t done anything with any photos since I’ve arrived home.  My photos will not come to surface until I am completed with my commitments of professional work for others.

I think the greatest highlights of my entire trip were all the stops I made to see the people I love.  I purposely went on this trip to connect with as many as I could.  I often drove an entire day out of the way of my direct destination.  I had the opportunity to visit with several mentors of my earlier self.  These friends are up in their late 80’s and 90’s.  It was very important for me to reconnect with those of my past.  Dave didn’t even know some of the people I stopped to see.  I also went to 4 homes we lived in while we were residents of California.  I actually was able to see the impressions of Rebecca’s 16 month old footprints that we made on the wet cement when the patio was being poured.  I saw a friends that go back to diaper days and one special friend I’ve known since we were both 6 years old.  And so many others I could mention by name but no time in tonight’s blog.  Most of these stories have been told in previous blogs so I won’t repeat myself.

I do want to mention two of my very favorite states.  I fell in love with Montana for its stark open beauty with massive mountain ranges and unbelievable landscapes that went on for miles and miles.  I loved driving through Montana, hour after hour, and some of those hours on gravel roads.  I met few cars coming toward me and only passed one or two trucks that were very slow.  Montana is beautiful and magnificent.  The other state I fell in love with was Wyoming.  But like Dave reminded me, I was there in June, not January.  I know what January in Wisconsin is like so I could imagine really well what it would be like in Montana and Wyoming.  The beauty was breathtaking (in June).

And Canada.  I think I went through some of the most beautiful country in the world when I drove the mountains of Canada.  Everyone was trying to persuade me to not travel on the high mountain roads, but that was my joy to do.  I wanted to go the back roads and the mountains and the valleys and through the farm fields and the serenity and quiet.  I went out of my way to do just that.

Well, since I am no longer traveling I just thought I would take a nostalgic journey tonight so I could tell you all about it again.  There are more stories left unwritten than those I have written.  I still hope to write the unwritten.  They are about all the people I did not know.  All the kind strangers those who God brought to me.  So many stories.  So many lives.

So much more I could write.  But it is almost 9:00 p.m. and it takes a bit of time to proofread at least once and get this blog published.  Thanks for reading it.

I pray that you will have a wonderful tomorrow.

Oops!  I forgot one more thing that will probably take me a while to finish.  I wrote a poem earlier today and want to write it here.  Well, maybe I’ll save it for another day.  I’m tired and I need to go to sleep so I will have energy for two rambunctious boys early in the morning.

Maybe I’ll just write a short one for the blog tonight.

AT END OF DAY

By Kathleen Martens

July 14, 2015

My day at close,

And my body knows.

Darkness of night,

Fireflies light.

Teeth are brushed,

Sounds are hushed.

My bed awaits

My quiet fate.

So my friend

This is the end

Goodnight I say

At close of day.

May your tomorrow be blessed!

P.S.  It is 9:20 p.m. and I’m ready to publish.  I’m getting faster!!!