Sunday Sabbath  July 19, 2015  AN EMAIL AND A RESPONSE

When I sit down at the kitchen counter each evening to begin my blog I always check my gmail.  My charter.net accounts only get checked about once a week or so.  Well tonight I had an email from my cousin Joyce.  I stayed with Joyce, who lives with her daughter in Redding, while I was on my trip.  I had a time with her like I had with no other.  I was at her home longer than anyplace else I stayed.  Some places I was only able to stay one night due to my delayed departure and the fact that I needed to be in Redding at a certain time to attend a weeklong conference.  I didn’t see much of either cousin during the first week due to the strenuous schedule we had during the class days.  Before I left on my trip things were a bit hectic due to a medical condition that came up and postponed my trip.  Because of  the doctor visits and unplanned situations that arose I was not able to book the second part of my trip because I had no time to be on the phone or internet.  So, while at Joyce’s daughter’s house I made most of the rest of my reservations which was very time consuming to say the least.  I still didn’t get to spend much time with her on a one to one level.  But the one thing I did do was enjoy every moment we had together.  It was a time of renewing our past relationship, reminiscing, talking about our lives and our extended families.  Things are different when you are all grown up than what they are when you are children growing up as cousins.

I think I found in Joyce a “sister”.  Though I have 4 sisters, there was just a connection that I felt was more like sisters than cousins.  I so enjoyed every moment we were together.  While on my trip there were a lot of things that I mentioned to one person that I might not mention to another.  Things that just slipped my mind or didn’t seem important at the time, or just forgot who I had already told or not told.  I can’t remember if I told Joyce about the fact that I had to have surgery when I returned home.  Joyce reads my blog and I had mentioned having surgery and she sent me an email asking about the specifics.  The email was short and simple and could have been answered with two sentences.  But…just in case you haven’t noticed, I don’t answer anything in two sentences.

If you have read every blog you may remember me mentioning I was having surgery when I arrived home.  As I responded to Joyce’s email I was writing a personal account in a private email to an intimate friend (cousin) and did not mince words, but said it like it is.  After reading it I decided that because I wrote it unfiltered I would not be able to do it better if I had to filter it for the blog.  I asked my husband if he minded if I talked about my breast surgery on my blog.  He said no, not if I was comfortable with it.  He just didn’t want me talking about HIS BODY.

Just in case you didn’t know, WOMEN HAVE BREASTS!  There is always such a hush, hush about a woman having to have surgery on said breast.  Well, when you find out someone has a tumor, or cancer, or a mass, usually the first thing we want to know is where is it located in the body.  That answers so many questions as to how it will affect them, what will be done, etc..  Well, my two masses are located in my right breast.  As my story unfolded in the email I sent to Joyce I realized after I had written it that this is how I would want it to be told to anyone who knew I am having surgery.

First of all, before you read the email I want to state that I find it very interesting that I am sharing this part of my life.  When I had breast surgery three years agoto remove another nonmalignant tumor I only told two closest friends.  We didn’t even tell  our children until after the surgery and we found out it was nonmalignant.  Needless to say they had a fit!  I won’t do that again!  So instead, I’ll tell the whole world!  Well, at least to those who read my blog and that is probably less than 300 people.  So, with just a few minor changes in my email to leave out personal information I am sharing a private email I wrote to my cousin because I don’t think I could explain it any better than I already have.

 

Name: Joyce
Email
Comment: What is the date of your surgery and what are they doing?
I will be praying for good results and your speedy recovery.
So happy for Dave finally being able to retire.

Hi Joyce:

We need another long talk.  I so miss you!  I think I found in you another sister I would love to have.

Before I left on my trip (one week before my scheduled departure date) I felt a lump in my breast while at the gym.  I went to the doctor the next day.  He pushed me through the medical trail as quickly as possible because he knew I was planning to leave. I had to postpone my trip for one week while everything happened.  First I had a mammogram.  The mammogram showed that I had two masses.  One is where the previous tumor had been removed three years ago (a non-malignant growth) and the other mass is attached to my chest wall at the back of my breast near the sternum.  Then I had an ultra sound and this confirmed the mammogram.  Then I had a core biopsy and lead wires to the tumor locations were implanted in my breast at that time so the surgeon would have a wire that would show on the ultra sound during surgery to lead him to the right place.

 

I am scheduled for a partial mastectomy.  I will lose breast tissue inside my breast but my outer breast should stay intact, perhaps be less tissue inside so a bit lopsided or saggy.  However, due to the mass on my chest wall the surgeon indicated that though he was going to try to save my breast he could not guarantee it due to the fact that he doesn’t know what he will find when he tries to remove the mass on the chest wall.  If it is too involved I will have a full mastectomy of the right breast.  Since no cancer showed in the core biopsies the doctor gave me the choice to continue with my travel plans or have the surgery first, and delay the trip by several weeks.  He actually already had me on the surgery schedule.  I chose to go on with my trip and have the surgery when I returned.

My breast hurt off and on during my trip and was very sore.  The tumor close to the surface was the most bothersome.  I chose to not let it bother me and I was never worried or concerned about the fact that I would be having surgery when I returned.  I thought I told you about it while I was there.  Maybe I didn’t remember to tell you.  I just didn’t think about it often and had no worry about it.  And now the time has come.  One week from tomorrow I will either awaken with my breast intact or gone.  I won’t know until I awaken from surgery.  My surgery date is Monday July 27th. I don’t know the time yet.  I’ll find that out on Friday of this week.

Thank you for your prayers and for thinking about me during this time. One of the reasons I originally wanted to go on my trip is that I have three close friends who have been fighting for their lives due to cancer.  Each one is in the survival mode at present but two of them had very close encounters with death and fought a long hard battle.  I knew nothing about my two masses at that time.  I told Dave I wanted to see these lifelong friends before they died.  At the time I said it, two of my friends were very close to dying.  After I had my biopsy of the tumors, but before we had the results back Dave said  “I hope you aren’t going on this trip so you can see everyone before YOU die”.  It was difficult for Dave to go through the unknowing part of whether it was malignant or not. It was so good to get benign results back.  But, you know, when I think about it, if I had a terminal disease and it was going to take my life I think I would purposely go and see all the people I have loved through this life one more time if I was able to do so.

As I went from place to place and visited with so many people from my past, including family members, I realized that this very well may be the last time I see some of them.  Some are old, up in their 90’s, some are ill, some are so far out of the way I may never get that way again, but at least I had the opportunity to see those I loved one last time.  Some I was not able to see due to circumstances and dates not matching for a rendezvous.  Some I drove an entire day or more one way to see them.  It was so worth it to me.

Thank you Joyce for being so sweet and kind to me while I was with you.  You made me feel so welcome and so special.  I just want you to know I will never forget it.

You ask a couple of questions and you practically get a private blog.

Speaking of blog…I haven’t written one yet tonight so I better scoodle-doodle!

I love you!

Wanda Kathleen

************************************************************************************************************

And that is the end of the email correspondence.

Now to the nitty-gritty of my day.  I have a lot to do before I am down for the count.  All that food that I keep receiving must be cared for and appreciated for its value.  Especially for its value of being fresh and organic and so healthy for us.  Also, I do not like to see waste.  So again, today on my Sunday Sabbath I spent my day in the kitchen.  My freezer is filling up and my refrigerator never seems to be less empty.  Today, with Dave’s intermittent help we cleaned the entire refrigerator out.  Cleaned all the shelves, and took out every drawer and sorted and cooked and ate all that could be eaten.  And my refrigerator is still overly full, but oh so clean!  And I thank God for the bounty He has provided for us.

Our neighbors have been so kind to us.  Since Dave has been sick our neighbor insists on mowing our lawn with her rider mower.  We have had so many offers of food for when I go in for surgery.  It is so amazing how wonderful our neighbors really are.  We are blessed to live on such a little street and have such great neighbors close by.  If you don’t know your neighbors go knock on some doors and introduce yourself.  I think people really do want to get to know their neighbors but don’t know how to go about it.  If the time ever comes and I have enough time to write the story about my neighbor who lived next door to us for about 27 or 28 years I shall do so.  It is a story so amazing that it has eternal results.

Well guys, I am going to do something I hope I don’t’ regret.  On the other hand, if I’m already thinking I’ll regret it perhaps I shouldn’t do it at all. What a quandary.  And Dave is already in bed and I can’t ask him for his opinion.

Before I left on my trip and surgery was discussed I went home from the surgeon’s office and wrote one of my “personal” poems.  I mean no disrespect to any who have suffered with breast surgery, cancer, or the quandary of what to do in that situation.  It is just that this is what came to my mind as I was thinking about being in that same dilemma.  I actually wrote a nice poem this morning during church service, pertaining to what the preacher was teaching on and then after writing the blog using my email to Joyce, I remembered another poem which I wrote on February 28.  I hope it will not taint your mind toward me.

 

I’LL STOCK IT!

By Kathleen Martens

February 28, 2015

 

What will it be like

To have an empty bra pocket?

Well, come to think of it,

With my sock I’ll stock it.

 

The breast of my youth

Where I suckled my son,

Now small and withered

When once they were fun.

 

Two bags of fat

To carry all around,

And now so small

They can barely be found.

 

But if it must go

To the Doctors I’ll give

If it will allow me

More years to live.

This following is what I wrote in my journal immediately following that poem:

“Lord, thank You for a sense of humor.  I think when I get to heaven I would love to hear you laugh.

Lord, what word do you have for me?

Psalm 63:3-5

‘Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise You.  Thus I will bless You while I live.  I will lift my hands in Your name, My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness, and my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips’

What a great scripture for this hour.

(Following are the heart sounds I received from the Lord following the poem and the above words)

 

I am your strong protection and I receive the praise from your lips as you honor me all day long.  I receive the song of love you sing to Me.  It is My song in you that comes back to Me as a sweet aroma.  Speak to others with your lips, with psalms, songs, and spiritual songs that your praise will combine to make music unto Me.  Regardless the circumstances clap your hands in joy.  When you are filled with joy, My peace will well up like a river.  I am light and in Me there is no darkness.  I will be faithful to you until the end of time for I have called you to be joint heir with My only begotten son.  That is how much I love you.”

Good night and have a great MONDAY!

(See!  At least I remember tomorrow is not SATURDAY)