Tuesday July 14 2015  I DID NOT MEET MY EXPECTATIONS!

When I awakened this morning I had a list of expectations I thought I would accomplish.  Later today I decided that I should just not expect anything from myself right now.  That way, like the other day, if I do succeed in accomplishing something I will have exceeded my expectations.  And that always feels good.  Today, I did not meet my earlier expectations.

Tomorrow will be lost to me also.  But at least I already know that.  And…it is for a good cause.  My two little grandson’s need a place to stay while their dad (my son) goes into work on his day off for a debriefing of being first responder to a child hit by a car who later died at the hospital.  He has been a police officer for about 16 years now.  He is one of the good guys.  It is not always easy being the mother of a police officer in today’s chaotic world.  He is currently in law school so perhaps his police career will end when he finishes law school.  I don’t really know for certain what his ultimate plan is, but he understands that we support him in whatever he does.  I just pray often. He is, and has always been, a wonderful son.  Now he has two beautiful boys who both are carbon copies of him when he was three and seven years old.  I feel like I am in the room with three variations of him when they are all here together.  Maybe that is what old age does for you, makes you forget the naughty things you kids did  years ago and every child he will ever have will look exactly like him, regardless of what they really look like.  All I know is that they are all handsome!

We have a beautiful daughter too!  She and her husband and our grand-dogs, Coal and Jackson, live far away so we don’t get to see them often.  And of course Rebecca looks just like me, even if she is adopted!  We have been blessed as a family.

My husband is improving.  He had another IV antibiotic dose today and we go back to the doctor tomorrow afternoon (after the grandson’s get picked up) and another dose of antibiotics.  He will be reassessed at that time to determine what follow up will be done in regards to medications.  His leg looked much improved this morning when I looked at it.  I haven’t seen it since this morning but I will check it before bed.

Niggling in the back of my head is that design work I must accomplish.  I was hoping to have it finished by the time I went into the hospital in less than two weeks for surgery.  That would make me a happy camper!  Thursday I will have an uninterrupted day (that is my day off from the gym) and plan to not allow ANYTHING OR ANYBODY to take away my expectations for getting a good start on the project.  I sometime wonder if it so difficult for other people (especially retired ones) to have a day go as planned?  I will make my plans, and take a stab at the day.  So if any of you are out there and reading this, PLEASE DO NOT STOP BY OR CALL ME ON THE PHONE ON THURSDAY (unless it is a dire emergency).  I just don’t answer the phone when I am working.  So go ahead and call if you need to leave a message.

When I am at home like this you can certainly see that I am not traveling or climbing mountains or investigating gorges. But…I enjoy every day I have breath and give praise and thanks to the Lord.  And I especially give thanks for Dave having breath and recovering from what could have developed into something much worse.  He still needs prayer for complete healing.

Actually I am really enjoying being home despite Dave’s episode in the hospital.  I am back in the kitchen.  I love cooking and enjoy making good food.  I know I made some people crazy when I was using their kitchen, and for that I am truly sorry.  But thank you so much for allowing me to make some of my favorite dishes.  I have been reminiscing about my trip and I have so many wonderful memories.  Are there things I would do differently if I could do it over, you bet, but God is working with me on settling my regrets.  And my regrets are few.

The memories that so readily come to mind are the ocean, especially in Monterey and Big Sur when I was with my cousin Bill and his wife.  They were both so generous with their time and  providing me with tickets to the Monterey Aquarium and for a bus tour showing me the locations where movies were filmed in that area.  Both were absolutely spectacular experiences.  Bill even took a day off work to spend with me and gave me a personal driving tour of the beaches and pointed out beautiful places to go when on my own.  The ocean is calling me back.  Oh how I miss it.

The other memories that draw me back are the ones in Oregon and Washington.  I fell in love with the Columbia River Gorge, all the waterfalls, rock climbing, and all the scenic snowcapped mountains in the area.  Charlene and Larry were like my own personal tour guides.  It was so awesome!

Another highlight to me was touring Butchart Gardens in Victoria on Vancouver Island B.C. on June 12^th.  That was a day unto itself.  I did a detailed blog on my day there.  I went alone and was just in reverie in my solo experience.  I was doing some serious photographing that day and when I am in the photographer stance, I might as well be alone because I lose contact with those around me.  Put a real camera in my hands and I am in never, never land.  I still haven’t done anything with any photos since I’ve arrived home.  My photos will not come to surface until I am completed with my commitments of professional work for others.

I think the greatest highlights of my entire trip were all the stops I made to see the people I love.  I purposely went on this trip to connect with as many as I could.  I often drove an entire day out of the way of my direct destination.  I had the opportunity to visit with several mentors of my earlier self.  These friends are up in their late 80’s and 90’s.  It was very important for me to reconnect with those of my past.  Dave didn’t even know some of the people I stopped to see.  I also went to 4 homes we lived in while we were residents of California.  I actually was able to see the impressions of Rebecca’s 16 month old footprints that we made on the wet cement when the patio was being poured.  I saw a friends that go back to diaper days and one special friend I’ve known since we were both 6 years old.  And so many others I could mention by name but no time in tonight’s blog.  Most of these stories have been told in previous blogs so I won’t repeat myself.

I do want to mention two of my very favorite states.  I fell in love with Montana for its stark open beauty with massive mountain ranges and unbelievable landscapes that went on for miles and miles.  I loved driving through Montana, hour after hour, and some of those hours on gravel roads.  I met few cars coming toward me and only passed one or two trucks that were very slow.  Montana is beautiful and magnificent.  The other state I fell in love with was Wyoming.  But like Dave reminded me, I was there in June, not January.  I know what January in Wisconsin is like so I could imagine really well what it would be like in Montana and Wyoming.  The beauty was breathtaking (in June).

And Canada.  I think I went through some of the most beautiful country in the world when I drove the mountains of Canada.  Everyone was trying to persuade me to not travel on the high mountain roads, but that was my joy to do.  I wanted to go the back roads and the mountains and the valleys and through the farm fields and the serenity and quiet.  I went out of my way to do just that.

Well, since I am no longer traveling I just thought I would take a nostalgic journey tonight so I could tell you all about it again.  There are more stories left unwritten than those I have written.  I still hope to write the unwritten.  They are about all the people I did not know.  All the kind strangers those who God brought to me.  So many stories.  So many lives.

So much more I could write.  But it is almost 9:00 p.m. and it takes a bit of time to proofread at least once and get this blog published.  Thanks for reading it.

I pray that you will have a wonderful tomorrow.

Oops!  I forgot one more thing that will probably take me a while to finish.  I wrote a poem earlier today and want to write it here.  Well, maybe I’ll save it for another day.  I’m tired and I need to go to sleep so I will have energy for two rambunctious boys early in the morning.

Maybe I’ll just write a short one for the blog tonight.

AT END OF DAY

By Kathleen Martens

July 14, 2015

My day at close,

And my body knows.

Darkness of night,

Fireflies light.

Teeth are brushed,

Sounds are hushed.

My bed awaits

My quiet fate.

So my friend

This is the end

Goodnight I say

At close of day.

May your tomorrow be blessed!

P.S.  It is 9:20 p.m. and I’m ready to publish.  I’m getting faster!!!